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Sunday, September 30, 2007

Whoa Whoa. That was a weekend.

I get so annoyed when people I love don't update their blogs - oops, my bad. It's been almost a week. But SERIOUSLY - it was one crazy week.

I'm not the girl who is obsessed with being on time but I am extremely anal about having ENOUGH time to get everything done. If I feel like I don't have enough time to do something in a relaxed manner, I usually don't do it. Afternoons where I have something planned every thirty minutes or even every hour do not bode well with me - complete days like that make me an actual nut job.

Unfortunately - we had an entire weekend that was perfectly planned in ten minute increments and even more unfortunately - I didn't actually tackle it and handle it with finesse. I flipped out and lost it and whatever words you want to use to describe going nuts. So now I'm sort of stuck at a crossroads:

I was talking with my sister today about the realization we've both come to.... There is a reason why we can't find other women in our same position in life - there aren't any. Moms of young babes and children don't try to have only friends without children, support husbands in ministry and seminary, try to also do ministry themselves, get to starbucks a few times a week just to talk to our bff's, stay involved in reality TV & popular culture, work, bargain shop, see family atleast once a month, and meet new people constantly. Most of the younger moms we know do some of the above but not all and that's why it feels so lonely where we're at. I've got to start making some tough decisions - our family is only growing and while I think I'm doing the right thing by trying to juggle so much - I'm really hurting the ones I love and wasting precious days that could be filled with some sort of sanity. I'm doing everything 15% and it's time reevaluate.

It's just hard - I have such amazing friends - and they deserve more from me. I have a son and a husband who are more special than anything on earth - they deserve more. I have a Savior who's heart is hurting over my constant yucky attitude and who already died and conquered the grave so that I could live for Him. With so many reasons to give this life my all - I couldn't be more thankful that I really can just quit trying (and failing) and let the Lord live through me.


KatieEWalters said...

um...i check your blog to much. that is one area I have got to cut back on. no really though I do want you to know I love you and your veracity and it is hard loving people and life. but, you know it wont change... we will be the 70 year olds who live together and continually take trips to africa in heels, and still grocery shop at least I kind of hope so. I know though, even though we both want to get There with skint knees and a dirty dress we could at least try to have our sanity in tact. let me know if you come up with any answers!

InthemiddleofLIFE said...

ok daughters, you can look at my life in the past year and see how the Lord can "smush" a lump of clay just to get it pliable enough for
Him to work with...please learn this thing called life-balance from my mistakes before you repeat them. :)
Seriously, I'm teaching our women leaders tomorrow night on this topic and while I've been praying for what the Lord would have them tell me - He keep repeating that it's much much harder for us to stay still and be affirmed in that than it is to fill our lives up with grabbing that brass ring. He is pleased/excited/awestruck at who you are each morning when you wake up and worship Him...without ever DOING one thing. I know, coming from a performance-based mom this is hard to just chew on it for awhile. I love you both and just know that He is smiling right now at your heart-thoughts.

Kara Mottershead said...

You sound like a baby-less version of myself! I think we all stretch ourselves too thin at times because we like to have it all. Be proud of yourself that you have a life, friends and lots of wonderful family. Some moms (young and old) end up with NO friends, NO life and not a clue about what is going on in the world or how to interact with it.
Seriously, don't beat yourself up.