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Monday, November 12, 2007

Not to Us

In this whole process - you'd think I'd be really intent on focusing on God's glory & His name, but I've honestly gotten caught up in the craziness of it all.

What does everyone think about me moving? Are they supportive? Sad? Disapproving?
What if no one wants to financially support us? Does they like us enough? Do they trust us?
What if I'm terrible at the ministry? What if we totally fail & have to come home?
Then yesterday, we were singing during worship....
The cross before me the world behind
No turning back, raise the banner high
It's not for me, it's all for You
Let the heavens shake and split the sky
Let the people clap their hands and cry
It's not for us, it's all for You
Our hearts unfold before Your throne
The only place for those who know
It's not for us, It's all for You

Send Your holy fire on this offering
Let our worship burn for the world to see
It's not for us, It's all for You

It's sad that it took such a simple song for me to remember that it is because of the Lord we're doing all this. It's not just about Him, it's for Him. For His glory... for His name. To love on His girls, to show them true life in Christ and how freeing it can be. I might need to constantly remind myself of this, but there is absolutely no reason for me to feel anxious about any of this process - when God wants His glory, He gets it. I just need to relax & be grateful to be apart of the ride.

All that being said - even though we don't need to RELY on it, we are getting the most encouraging feedback. This morning was when I'd scheduled to put in my two week's notice and I was so scared about cutting off my own pay that I had pit stains on my shirt the size of my face. We really knew we needed at least a few weeks to pack up and get situated but I was terrified to end what feels really stable to officially start this endeavor. Anyhow, this morning - while I was stalling (and sweating) I checked my email to find an offer of support. It was from a sweet sweet sweet sister in the Lord & it just reminded me - it's about Him and His glory. This has nothing to do with me or what makes me comfortable.

Okay so that's just an update. Peace & Love.


Milovy said...

I adore this honesty. Fear and doubt is an automatic human reaction, don't be hard on yourself for reverting to it. BTW, we are planning on supporting you as well. Just let us know where to send a check. Love you.

Rachand Merchel said...

That song spoke to me as well and I led it:) I wrote about it in my blog today. God is gonna provide everything you need. Do worry or waiver!!!

Let me know what I can do and when. Even if it's to watch Elias or clean or pack or pick you something from the store... never hesitate to call me ever!!!!


Nick said...

I love you.

Candice & Daniel said...

It has been just amazing reading through your 'journey' over the last past couple of weeks. ahhh. i admire you so. daniel and i couldn't be happier for you and nick....and we are so excited to follow your journey there. God is so good!