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Friday, February 19, 2010

In light of eternity

I wrote a while ago that I wanted to start blogging in light of eternity. Which may sound confusing if you've been reading posts about bangs, bread, and bananas. But to me, in my jumbled head, it makes sense because of the heart behind it. I want to learn to make bread as one part of "building my house" as my wise friend Kelly would say, and working towards looking somewhat fresh for my husband is super important for the health of our marriage. All eternal rewards in my book.

Anyhow, ever since that phrase got stuck in my head in relation to my blog, I've been chewing it over and over and over. This weekend I'm going on a women's retreat (which I actually just wrote a blog about and deleted because how many different ways can you say you're excited?) and though I'm OVERJOYED, it's about the worst possible weekend ever. We are smack dab in the middle of a move, house half-packed, Nick and I have barely spoken all week (from time constraints not marital strife), and next week is even more busy than this past one. So before Nick left yesterday to begin a crazy 18-hour day of packing, moving, and painting - he gave me an hour to do as I pleased. I was going to work out, and the decided it would be much more wise to turn to Jesus.

Before I started, I knew my head was swimming so I just made a massive list called "what's on my mind". It was like a to-do list on crack, with items like "we need a new teeth brushing routine" ranging to "plan glory's birthday party". A little bit the list sorted through the junk in my head, but mostly it overwhelmed me with my inadequacy. Again.

A big theme for me lately has been seeing myself how God sees me and as I read and reread my list, I prayed through that desire again. If only my heart could throw off my own vision and adopt His, it feels like everything would be so much easier. And that's when that phrase climbed back into the forefront - in light of eternity.

In light of eternity - "my shortcomings" are very selfish and self-serving attributes of my life that I want to improve, mostly for my benefit. When the light of eternity blinds me to these worldly failings, what's left is sin and love. Very real sin, very gross and damaging sin - that in the light of eternity is covered in the blood of Christ (that's the love part). I had to really plainly and simply talk this out with Jesus (much how I have to talk it out with my three year old) and it sounded something like this:

"Ooooooh - you don't actually really care that my bathroom isn't clean. In light of eternity, that doesn't make me a failure? Got it. But now - you do care that my heart isn't for my husband and I haven't been praying for him enough lately. And you do care that my anger goes unchecked too often. And you do care that I spend much of my day thinking about other people opinions of me. And those sins - they actually break your heart. And they separate us. They separate us! But over here - you show me Jesus, dying in my place and rising in defeat of these sins, and walking away. And that eternal piece CHANGES everything. It changes today. It changes my sin, my desire for sin, and my list of 'what's on my mind' COMPLETELY. In light of eternity, now my whole day is different."

And then I was reminded of Hebrews 10 and the implications for today. Because in the light of eternity, I can't really spend any time wringing my hands and stressing about moving or beating myself up about my unkempt eyebrows, right?
It's time to draw near, hold fast, and stir up -
because the Day is coming.

Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the holy places by the blood of Jesus, by the new and living way that he opened for us through the curtain, that is, through his flesh, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I have been stalking your blog off and on for oh, more than a year now.....and I've never left a comment before....matter of fact I've never, ever left a comment on any blog that I've read! But just felt like I HAD to today. Reading your blog has so many times brought tears to my eyes. Even the simple, "we've done nothing today" ones. I am a mom of 3 (xcept my babies are 7, 10, and 12. big. long. sigh. makes me sad.) and I can just relate to you so much and at the same time find myself saying "wow, wish I could be more like her" and "we could so be friends in real life!" But mostly, your blog speaks to my heart and I thank you for sharing your heart!