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Tuesday, April 26, 2011

on how I DON'T do it all

I gotta tell you, I'm so excited about this "frequently asked questions" sort of week. 
How Glory's doing, what's up with Boston, real talk about obesity, FOOD questions, etc. 
I'm covering it all. Up first - this has been a formspring question, it's an often-asked email question, and I feel like women bring it up in person occasionally. 
So let's get real about it. 

I have three kids under five. 
I like to actually attempt to be a present wife, somewhat present friend and extended family member. I like to love and minister to my kids well. I like to attend and serve at our church. I really like to blog. I like to read the Bible and spend time with the Lord. And workout. And vintage shop. And run an etsy shop. And watch Biggest Loser. And keep my nails painted. And help out with Faithblogs. 
So how in the world do I do it all? 
Well, I'll tell you sister - I don't. 
How do YOU do it all? Maybe you do, but I sure don't. 

My only answer is that I've figured out/am constantly figuring out what works for me. 
What's important to me. What NEEDS to happen. I'm in the process of narrowing down what is EXTREMELY important to me, what I need to do well. Then figuring out what has to get done, but maybe doesn't have to be done excellently. And giving myself grace about the rest. As I'm figuring it out, I want to share it with ya'll - to hopefully encourage you and give you the space to give yourself some grace too. 

the uniform. 
Because if you came over once a year for a fun playdate, it might be on a random-incredibly-rare-day where all the stars are aligned and everything is done: workout and quiet time done early, dressed & kids dressed by 8am, nutritious breakfast eaten and cleaned up after, tv off, emails answered, blog pre-written and posted, husband encouraged, dinner prepped, sweet gift in the mail to a friend, and church served. However, that is NOT daily reality. And my honest answer is, I don't think any women can do it all. Not well and keep their head straight. If they can, I seriously applaud them. But if they screw it all up one day and end up in counseling, I have a good reference for them and I'll share my lady's number. true story. 

real life laundry pic. just waiting to be folded.
So here it is, my list of things I really don't care a ton about: 
- I really don't care a ton about the dishes ALWAYS being done. We don't have a dishwasher, and I've been known to let them sit overnight if hanging out with my husband feels more important than washing them. On a great day, they're always clean & put up. Otherwise, not important to me if they're not overflowing out of the sink. 
- I really don't care about having all the laundry done all the time. And I'm over feeling bad about it. A load a day is a great coping mechanism, but sometimes three kids pushes us over that or sometimes I take two days off in a row. That's what hampers are for. 
- On that subject, some of you might freak out, buuuuuut: I don't mind that my husband does his own laundry. For years I fought him and tried to be the perfect homemaker that ironed his pants just so, but now I've given up. He really likes doing his laundry and it's 1/5 less laundry I have to do. So I let the pride fall down. 
- I don't care a ton about side dishes. Family dinner, important to me. Healthy dinner, really important. Like three fancy side dishes with bread, not important. Stresses me out, makes me sweat. In my head, the perfect homemaker makes a dinner with like two special sides and a salad and bread, but it's just not happening around here. 
- I let my kids watch tv. Now, I constantly have to evaluate if it's too much or if it's what they're watching is ok for them (sometime I'll tell you the story about Glory doing a really good 'cowgirl Jessie' impression), but in the morning for an hour or so and while I'm prepping dinner - a little PBS does not hurt my feelings. 
- I don't mind being behind on email/facebook messages. This is a new one. I'm working at it. Nick is really helping me order my "online life" (HOW DORKY DOES THAT SOUND?!?!) so it doesn't stress me out. My new rule: I only answer emails two nights a week for a certain amount of time. If I don't get to them, I don't get to them. I answer quick emails during the day/naptime but not at night, unless it's my designated time, for the sake of my marriage. So if you're someone who emailed me March 9th and I haven't responded (true story), I promise it's coming. 
- Lastly, I don't get dressed every day. At least not uber-cute. If I'm staying home all day and focusing on kids/housework and I'm exercising with my husband at night - a sundress and a shower is just a waste of my time. Throw me a t-shirt and some boyfriend jeans and we're in business. And my glasses, and no makeup. (but earrings, always earrings!) All those things cost money and time and as long as I'm out of my jammies, I'm good. 

aaaaaand, the dishes. this is a good day. 

So, those are just a few of my non-essentials. 
I pray they give you grace. If mine are TOTALLY opposite of yours, give me some grace too. 
For propriety sake, I'll tell you some things I do care about, for the most part. 

Blogging daily when possible. Vacuuming. Cuddling with my husband at some point each day. Exercising. Reading my Bible daily. Playing with my kids, not just watching them play. Tweeting. I really like tweeting. 

So all that said, if you don't have time to blog or write length emails or do all your laundry or wear makeup, it's ok. You're probably not lazy or all that bad at time management, you're just human. The truth is, none of us have time time for it - we just make time for what's important to us. And I super encourage you to do this. Maybe just write out a list of things you want to do well, things you HAVE to do, things you're going to give grace to yourself about. 

grace is good, ladies. REALLLLL good. 

But enough about me, what do ya'll not care about or heck! What DO you care about?! I want to hear it all. Just don't expect me to do it all, ok?! ok. 
Also: One percent Change link-up tomorrow! 

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

That was so encouraging to read! I'm a new wife with a new job in a new state and I can not do it all! My husband is so helpful and loving, but I end up feeling like a let down. Thanks for being so honest!! I feel God put this in my day for a reason!