that awkward moment

(skip to the bottom for a treat if you must) 
We had this awkward moment at the open studio last week. 
I blame myself. Did ya'll know that I'm a good bit awkward in person? 
It all stems from the fact that I'm a people-person-but-still-introverted. 
I can be bubbly and conversational, but I'm constantly yearning for the quiet. 
But I love community, but I like the community of my coffee cup and a bible too. 
Anyhow, I digress. 


There was an awkward moment that was also my sister's fault. 
She basically made me stand in the middle of a bunch of women and talk about each print and why I made it and what was the inspiration behind it. And I was a weirdo, but it was sweet to tell those stories. 
So I thought I'd do that for ya'll. Share my heart behind these prints. 

This is probably my favorite print. 
I made it after a conversation with my sweet friend who is adopting. 
Earlier that day, I felt like the Lord was asking me to NAME my weakness. Not just to confess it to Him and let Him heal it, but to let His power be on display and for Him to truly use it. And my weakness is truly mothering. It is so hard for me. I feel so incompetent at it. And I know that if each morning, I hold my hands open to Him, He'll use that weakness. 
And I love this verse for adoption because I feel like so many of my friends who are in the process of adoption are not perfect mothers - since none of us are. And they wonder why the Lord called them to this truly hard, broken thing. And it's because it's our weakness. And He loves to make HIs power shine in it, despite it. 

I made this print about an hour before I found out I was pregnant with our sweet Arrow. I was about 6% sure I was pregnant, but I'd done some writing and was really beginning to believe this verse for the first time. And when I sat in the Walmart bathroom stall (true story) an hour later, hands shaking and holding a pee stick, I clung to that verse like you wouldn't believe. And when I sat in the ultrasound room five weeks later, looking at a too-still-screen, I clung to the verse again. and I know He has used Arrow's short life to get so much glory and to wage so much righteous war in this world. 

This was the first print I made, while Glory was in the hospital after her seizures. 
Since then it has become a frequent prayer for my own life. I heard this quote from Beth Moore where she said that as she's grown with the Lord, the biggest thing He's changed in her is that she cannot be greatly moved. I so desire that for myself. 
That I'd be the same, see the world the same, see Him the same - on the best day of my life and the worst day. That it would all be deep-trusting praise. 

This has been the best double-edged correction for me. I wrote this post, an admonition to women to be less negative on the internet. Or at least weigh the cost of their words, instead of carelessly posting without thought. Now, not only do I feel INCREDIBLY held accountable to live that out, but I feel really really convicted each time I want to grumble about someone who posts something negative on the internet. That's right, sometimes I want to post something negative about someone posting something negative. 
What's in my heart? Not something wholesome. 
Time to correct. 

hahahhaa. 
When I made this print, Nick looked at me funny. 
But I just LOVE it. 
I just love the whole of Job. The whole theme of it. That God is good and allows really awful suffering, but the bottom line is - His greatness is so much greater than our suffering and it is right to praise Him in. I love the whole part where the Lord rebukes Job and I love a God that is big enough to create the whole universe and loving enough to rebuke ME. Just me. So that He would get more glory. 
And I love that He's made great and unsearchable things, like octopi, just for His own glory and creativity. And I love that all of creation worships Him and I hate that I think sometimes I don't want to choose to do that if I don't have enough coffee or if He doesn't do what I want. And, who doesn't love an octopus? 


So those are my stories. 
And what's that? It's a holiday! Then you need a coupon code!
Use coupon code LABORDAY on ALL orders FOR 20% off through Monday! 
Cause I love ya'll. 
And you listen to my stories.