I think something I'm realizing is that the more you thank the Lord for your blessings, the more overwhelmingly blessed you feel.
This year, for Easter, all I wanted to do was just really whole heartedly praise Him for what He did for me. And even in that desire, I knew it wasn't possible. I knew I couldn't actually muster up some sort of complete and pure praise of what, the whole cross? All of salvation? It's like the sunniest day that we've ever known and all we can do is squint and see the tiniest amount of light. My heart is squinting and knowing, "wow - I'm saved. Christ died for me. While I was still a sinner." And that one ray of light that eeks in behind the guard of my shading fingers and eyelashes and mostly-closed squint, and it stuns me.
But somewhere during the week last week, I felt this charge to throw off what was hindering me and CELEBRATE. Easier said than done. I started over about 129 times.
But each time I reminded myself, "Christ DIED for me." "I have been saved from death, from meaninglessness, from terror, from depression, from despair, from myself, from insanity...." or even, "Christ loves me. Just me. As I am.", those thoughts changed everything.
I started thinking about that line from the John Mark song, "I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about... the way, He loves me...". And it's so true and so trite.
Him alone. Is enough. But I'm finding when I count Him enough.
He shows me all the other things.
So this weekend was filled with much praise.
And easter egg hunting. And food. And a datenight with the most handsome man I know.
And thrift shopping. And beautiful conversations. And dreaming.
And worship. And watching baptisms of the saints with my precious church.
And ugly crying through praise.
And girl, you know it was filled with other stuff.
Headaches, fears, sadness, life. Pain, flesh, this world.
But I don't have time.
I don't have time to maintain those regrets.
Haven't you heard?
Jesus gave me new life.
1 comment:
I wanted to thank you for writing this. I so badly needed to read it. I have been in such a dark place lately. Long story short, my boyfriend who is also my babies father up and decided one day he wants nothing to do with us. The only comfort I find is in our lord Jesus and this post just touched me. His love is so great!
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