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Sunday, July 6, 2008

for better or for worse.

through sickness and health?

I think the idea of healthiness is becoming a spiritual issue for our family. Since the very first day we heard the misdiagnosis about Glory's Trisomy, I've been thinking a lot about health, wellness, and the Lord. I've even done a lot of digging in the Old & New Testament and it is hard to come up with a good passage to cling to. It seems that sometimes the Lord blesses the righteous with wellness, sometimes the righteous complain about how the sinful are healthy, the Lord often shows His purposes behind sickness for his Glory, & He cries over it as well.

For two weeks I thought we were going to probably lose Glory, maybe in utero - but definitely too quickly. Some people tried to tell me that she would be fine, but I didn't feel that being confirmed to me. I did VERY much feel peace about whatever happened. Just after that time my sister told me she was pregnant and I immediately felt on edge for that baby. The hours I spent praying for Abel were certainly not in vain, but even when he was born, I had a hard time with doubt and worry. The other day on the phone with Josh, I was telling him how thankful I am for Abel's wellness & how I sometimes still am amazed by how quickly God healed him.

Then, just before Glory was born, we got more scary news & more fearful questions: would she have hydrocephalus? Would she need surgery? Would her brain problems affect her vision or her development? Again, I tried to believe the best and still be realistic all at once. One day Lauren asked me how I was feeling about it and I remember replying, "You don't really stop to feel something about this kind of thing, you just deal with it." I think that was a lazy answer and an untruthful one. That entire time, I was feeling stuff, I was changing the way I saw the Lord, changing the way I asked Him for things.

The Joye twins, friends from small group, Abel, random blog friends... I've been praying lately for a lot of physical ailments. I've been praying peace for their souls because I've experience that before in the midst of trials and I know it is life-changing. I've prayed that God would show up miraculously and inexplicably. I've prayed that my heart would be changed and I've begged for forgiveness for my unbelief. God keeps moving and keeps answering and continually shows up, in His own way sometimes, but faithfully.

Since Glory's been born, our house has been a true house of sickness. She has had one problem after the other, after the other. She spent three straight months crying and then stopped crying and started puking. Elias has had two stomach viruses and three extremely bad colds/viruses. Nick has had one stomach virus & one sinus infection. Since we've been here I've had a sinus infection, pneumonia, one stomach virus, and a very annoying metabolism issue. Last night it seemed Nick and Elias were finally feeling better and at one a.m. Glory and I both woke up with the sinus infection/virus in full force. We missed church last week and again this week and that is really frustrating since we moved out here to go to Mars Hill. I know two things for certain: a) these issues could be much worse and b) I've prayed in full faith that He could heal us if it was His will.

The point of this entire blog is this: My heart's desire is wellness for this house. The Lord desires wellness for this house. I know if we are healthy we can praise God longer and louder & actually leave this house to share His love with the world. However, I feel like while God has promised me a great deal and He has come through with each of those promises - perfect health is not one of the promises He has made. He has done much for us and the ones we love in the area of health and wellness and I know He will continue to do more. I trust in His sovereignty and His plan. Let me say that once again - for my own benefit, I trust in His sovereignty and His plan.


Amy said...

I am sick right now. Stuffy nose, sore throat. Will it EVER end!?

Glory makes those pj's look GREAT! They are definitely adorable on her!!!

I hope you have a fun and safe trip back this way to visit family... and I hope you get some good rest while you're here.

KatieEWalters said...

wellness...i am praying this too. actually well water. i love you. you are a source of life and health for me. i dont say that lightly, those words are my heart for u. i have drawn on your goodness, life and wellness this week. thank u. thank Him.

InthemiddleofLIFE said...

this is profoundly sweet. your faith expressed reminds me of John 20:29 "blessed are those who have NOT seen and still believe". I've always thought of this verse not only for the concept of us believing in Jesus without having seen Him, but also believing in all He is and can do...even when we don't experience it the way we desire. ok, you know my take on healing so enough said. Can't wait to have you read "The Shack" while you're here and have a cuppa over that. love you.

angela said...

Hi Jessi,
I don't know if you remember me or not, Angela who lives in Abbeville SC, I lived with Candice (Whitley) about 2 years ago while attending the Aveda Institute. I met you then. I read your blog often and as soon as I read this blog...I thought of a verse that was shared in a small group Bible Study that I am a part is Mark 9:23-24
23 “What do you mean, ‘If I can’?” Jesus asked. “Anything is possible if a person believes.”
24 The father instantly cried out, “I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!”

Just remember we can tell the Lord that we do believe just help us not to doubt...especially during the times we are overwhelmed with doubt.
I will be praying for you all.
Enjoy your trip to the south. I know you will have a wonderful time with family and friends.