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Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Calling all inept mamas - or inept women in general.

It was Wednesday at lunch time.

I had two babies to feed, one acting really horribly, and I had just thrown up a few minutes ago. I felt it coming again. I hadn't left the house since Sunday and while I needed to get the kids out and distracted, the idea of getting them both to the car left me exhausted. A few times a week I get to a yucky place where I start feeling beyond inept - more like utterly incapable of living at all. Shouldn't I be able to handle a random Wednesday without tears? Mine, that is.

I cried to my husband, then pulled myself away before I could distract him anymore and called my mom on the way to the grocery store and was glad she didn't answer. The last thing she needed was me whining to her about the job she's already done for the past twenty-six years. So I walked around the grocery store with my babes saying things like, "Elias - maybe it isn't a great idea to pour the parsley in your mouth" and "Sis - please don't rip up mama's grocery list" and I was thinking all the while - is this place of utter exhaustion where Christ wants me? No. Is it helpful in getting me to where I need to be? Probably.

This morning in a matter of a few minutes, I had to spank my sweet handsome man five times. In just a short span of time, he threw something on his sister, yelled, and hit me with a long stick. While I was disciplining him, I reminded him that my goal was to break his will, not his spirit... but I had to stop him in his tracks to help him see his sin and to turn from it.

I don't need more than a minute to begin listing the million issues I have in my heart and I don't need more than a second to understand I need the Lord to discipline me and correct me. I know that is what this season has to be for me - stopping me in my tracks and helping me to see my main sin - which is mostly the thought that I can do this on my own. It may take the next few years for me to to see my weakness made perfect in His strength... or the rest of my life.

So if you're inept, or imperfect, or just plain sucky in your sin: sit & stay awhile. I'll be relying on Christ for any kind of positive change or growth in my life for a long while & you better believe I'll be writing about it.


Jacylauren said...

I LOVE IT. I have never commented on your blog before and am not even sure you'll remember me from high school and young life, but ROCK ON SISTER. This is real life. I only have one kiddo and have those days. You're superwoman!
-Jacy Painter Kelly

Hi, I'm Amy! said...

It must be the moon... I had a clingy boy last night. He didn't want me to do anything except WATCH him play. The clingyness is sometimes annoying while it's going on, but other days when he's not clingy, I miss it!

christy said...

Was totally there yesterday too. Even crying to my husband. Psalm 121 was my motto: My help comes from the Lord. Your blog is so inspiring Jessi-Thanks! from one inept mama to another.

Michelle said...

LOVE your blog, jessi. i have an elias and a piper glory, and so many of my days are carbon copies of this day. luckily the Lord gives us other days that help us climb out of our self-pity and frustration, dust ourselves off, and get back in the ring [it's like wrestlemania when you have an elias, isn't it?].
i'm so glad kristen gave me a link to your blog- it's an inspiration.
cheers to life with babes!
michelle stratton in MA