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Thursday, September 3, 2009

the war

Lately each day has been filled with like sixty small battles. Battles for my children's behavior, battles for faith in our finances, battles for faith in God, for how to be a good friend, fighting to understand missional community when it is hard, struggling against homesickness - for the fireflies and family of the South and for heaven as well. And obvi, the battle of post-tres-baby-weight. I just feel like I fight all day - in my heart, in my prayers, with my hands. I told my accountability group last week, it just feels like I've been gritting my teeth for a month.

Tonight Nick and I were kind of passing each other in the house like ghosts, bewildered at the day. A hilariously horrible inexplicable bank error set us back in a bad way, our babies had been crying their heads off all day, and it just seemed that nothing at all was the way it should be. God's grace is evident, in ways I can't begin to count - but still things are not right, and not even by my standards - one plus one just isn't equally two. 

Then at nine pm, Elias just start shrieking from his bed. Just screaming. Our former good sleeping babies have been going to bed crying and waking up before dawn crabby. No sleep advice helps, no rhyme or reason - but it is an equation gone wrong that we've begun to live with. So I was holding him and thinking about the battles and it hit Nick and I at once. He said it as I was thinking it, this is a spiritual battle. All of it. This whole time I've been thinking "poor me, having to fight so hard" and Jesus has been trying to open my eyes to our true enemy. I've been praying through Ephesians six for and with the kids and suddenly, those words were all rushing through my mind for our family. I'll leave you with them so you can pray for us, that we'd hear truth and read and believe. 

There may be more battles to fight, but this war has already been won by Jesus. 

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might.  Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak.
amen. 

3 comments:

Susan Hogan said...

Hi Jessi~ I am praying for you guys as you fight this battle in the Spirit. God has coupled 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 with Ephesians 6 as I have learned (and continue to learn) to wage war against those principalities of darkness.

3For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. 4The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. 5We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

Love in Christ,
Susan

casey said...

jessi, i just love to read your blog. i always find myself scooting to your page when i am on the computer. you are a mighty woman! so brave, so faithful to the lord and to your family. i am just in awe everytime i read about your battles b/c most people would just lay down and give up. you are so encouraging. you are like a super mom and i want to be like you!! :) you probably didnt even know i read your blog but everytime i go to kalle's page, there it is, faithfully updated on a regular basis so i go and find either a word or entertainment! you rock. keep on keepin on

Anonymous said...

jessi,

so often, i adopt this feeling of "i'll just hold my breath until it passes."

[that is, weariness at circumstances]

for me, it's so easy to close my heart off to God where the wounds and frustration are, because, what if he doesn't listen to me the first time? what if he doesn't care that carly is screaming? what if he doesn't hear me pray?

but you are doing what a disciple does. while you seek Him, let Him fight for you. and most of all, let him romance you. Isaiah 61.