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Thursday, May 20, 2010

nothing to celebrate

Benjamin is almost one.
It happened way too quickly.
My mom and I were talking the other day and I told her jokingly, "We're not having a party for his birthday because I'm not happy about it!" Later, she said - "But you are having a party, right?" and I assured her, absolutely not. Nothing to celebrate here.
No baby of mine is turning one.

But that's not all together true, of course. Benjamin is a lot to celebrate. He's worth a million parties. But I do think I'm a little too sad to put up streamers, so we're going to have a family day and maybe go to the aquarium! Or the zoo! Or to a banana factory, since bananas are Benjamin's favorite thing in America. Let it be noted that he said "banana" before he said "mama". And of course, there will be cupcakes involved somewhere.

I've never had a real baby turn one without another baby on the way. I'm not sad that I'm not pregnant, for sure, but it's just really different to look at our family and see it as complete for now and it makes me want to just freeze time. For my entire mothering career, I've been so excited for the next stage...

What will it be like when Elias starts crawling? Can you imagine how sweet it will be when Glory is here and Elias has a sister? Oh! They're starting to notice one another, I can't wait till they can play together! I can't wait till they can talk to each other! It will be so fun to see Glory as a big sister! Will Benjamin EVER crawl?

But now, is just the sweetest stage. Elias is learning SO much, relationally & world-wise. Every day is so different for him. Glory is really blossoming into this whole new person, so much softer and caring - with her same streak of strong-willed spunk, but much less wild than she was a month or so ago. And Benj... he's just so happy to be alive. He's happy to wake up, happy to play with his older brother, happy to chase the two of them all of the house with his run-crawl. Happy when his daddy comes home, delighted with himself when he stands up, overjoyed - OVERJOYED for meal time.

I just want to freeze today.
But I know that's not fair.
Growth in Christ is the most hopeful part of my life and I the thing that brings me the most joy right now is knowing I will not be the Jessi I am on May 20th, 2010 that I will be on May 20th, 2011.
So no use in robbing Benja of his joy.
He's not the sweet, cuddly, ruddy, little ball of boy he was a year ago - he's a whole new one.
And that is certainly worth celebrating.
(but I'm still not using streamers)


staci said...

so sweet jess. wish there were fewer miles between us. happy birthday benjamin!

Brooke Turner said...

"Growth in Christ is the most hopeful part of my life and I the thing that brings me the most joy right now is knowing I will not be the Jessi I am on May 20th, 2010 that I will be on May 20th, 2011."

yes, isn't growth in Christ such a beautiful thing to put our hope it, because it is promised and it is His will. love love love this. Praise you Lord!!!

Milovy said...

He is precious!

Marilee said...

I remember taking that pic like it was this morning- at least, I know I was taking pics like it. I'm so proud of Benja and even more proud of the mom I've seen you morph into over the past year since his arrival. So blessed am I to be so involved in your family! There will always be a special place in my heart for third born kids Benj, and you are absolutely one of the sweetest:)

Anonymous said...

Jessi, I can't believe Benjamin is almost one! You do not know me, we've never met - but I know Nick and now you and your three sweeties thru your blog. I am Gwen's sister -so I guess you are my step-niece? But I never believed in steps:) I always loved Nick and Leland like my own nephews even though I never had the chance to know them well. I kept up with them thru Jim - and now I read your blog often and smile and laugh at all your adventures! Just to let you know you and the rest of the Connolly gang are a blesing in my life. I pray for you and Nick every morning with my other nieces and nephews and I praise God for Elias, Glory and Benja every morning as I thank Him for my precious grandchildren...(Ainsley, 5; Jackson, 3 and Yet to be Named due on July 15th). Can't wait to meet you one day!
Love in Him,
Julie Hensley