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Thursday, December 23, 2010

silent night

I'm forcing myself to blog. For my benefit, and hopefully it will be a blessing for you too. 
Christmas has snuck up on me and I've felt like being quiet, maybe a little like Mary "pondered all those things in her heart". There are so many things I'd like to talk about, here are some snippets. If I was going to write a blog on having a piece of your heart outside your body, 100 miles away and in a NICU - I'd write about my sister and baby Asher. They've both been making my heart pulse faster, but as I write - sweet Asher is in a car with his whole family, going home! Hurray! 

It also might be nice to blog about how we're celebrating Christmas with these bebes, but we're just too busy doing it. Think lots of Christmas music dance parties, many many many many baked goods, lots of homemade decoration, and lots of talking about baby Jesus. With talk of baby Jesus comes lots of talk to Glory about why there is not currently a baby in my belly, even though she is convinced there is. No comment. All in all, I'm wondering - was Christmas ever fun before having kids? Before seeing it through their eyes? Surely it was, but it doesn't seem possible. 

our makeshift stockings

advent calendar hung 

not necessarily all activities completed

But here's what I really want to talk about. 
With eleven hours of driving in the next three days, countless batches of cinnamon rolls left to make, families to see, ALL the presents left to wrap, half marathon training to keep up with, and a normal week looming over us dangerously from next Monday's direction - my heart is feeling pensive. How do I celebrate Jesus in a way that is socially acceptable and keeping in tradition, that also echoes the desperate, intense, his-power-is-made-perfect-in-my-weakness way that I love Him? I want to weep a little looking at the nativity and spend hours in prayer - knowing this Savior came for me, came to be the perfect high priest that Hebrews 4 speaks of, but there is only this short window of time to be a mom to three kids at Christmas with lots of family and lots of demands. 
So, here is my solution. I'm going to walk forward with normal plans, and ask that the Lord would keep these responses on my heart: 
- I want to by like Mary when she said, "my soul magnifies the Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior", in Luke 1:46. 
- I'm rubbing this is too, "Blessed be the Lord God of Isreal, for he has visited and redeemed His people and has raised up a horn of salvation for us.... that we being delivered from our enemies might serve Him without fear, in holiness and righteousness before Him all our days". Stole that from Zecheriah, also from Luke 1. 

I pray you have the most amazing Christmas. That you get it all - the time with Jesus that lives you changed forever, the sweet moments by the fire with hot cocoa, and the Lauren Conrad Style book you were craving. Oops, that was me. Hint, hint Nick. Love you internet friends.


Angela said...

i love this! sweet reminders.

enjoy every minute. and i got my cousin the lauren conrad book :) she loves it, hope you get yours boo.


Jill said...

jessi, i have wanted to email you for 2 months, but suffice to say, dear sister:

-he wants you to be his hands and feet and mouth and intercessor in the normal places. you can spend hours praying in january

-this has been the most nutsy month of my life. i understand looming mondays (carson worked 66 hrs this week). his grace is sufficient

-you have no idea how much resonance i find with you.

he is committed to you and your legacy through your children. so, peace in that-
jill in myrtle beach