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Saturday, August 15, 2009

quarter life inventory

I turn 25 in two days. 

I feel a bit like my life has been on fast-forward for the last quarter of a century and I pray that it is slowing down to a "normal" pace. I mean, what's normal? Some things I think I've rushed into sinfully, somethings I think God has brought us to a bit quicker, but either way - I'm twenty-five with a family of five; and I couldn't be more thrilled. 

What the future holds seems pretty uncertain & that feels pretty sweet. 
Boston, eventually. 
Bellevue, for now. 
Growing in the grace & knowledge of Jesus feels like a full task and one that I'm truly excited to take on tomorrow and the next day and the next. 

Today I was thinking about growth and how much my husband has grow in the four years we've been married, and in all - the eight years we've been together. If I really think about it, it's sort of like Jesus just threw some Miracle Grow all up on his sanctification process. He is a sinner for certain, but let me tell you - that man is a fighter. He fights constantly to be in God's will, fights constantly to learn as much as he can, fights constantly to serve the Lord well in all He does. So sometimes it's easy to get discouraged, seeing how much he's grown and wondering if I've run as hard alongside him. 

But then, in thinking - I'm overwhelmed with the hand of God and how I see Him changing and molding. My sin seems always before me, but he has changed it - ripped some of the gross roots out completely, funneled my heart in different directions and for that - I'm thankful. Jesus has done some change and I'm not the girl I was in high school, or college, or even the young lady I was a year ago. 

My sister and I always talk about how great it would be to just truly know who God has made us to be inside and out, without having to figure it out through trial and error. Some people know they are scrapbookers, know they are thrifty, or have a gut feeling that they're messy - I've had to sort of go through the list and ask myself, then ultimately - ask Jesus -
 "Is that who I am?". So here's what I know so far. 

I'm a mommy
All of a sudden, both Elias and Glory call me this - no more mama, just mommy. Mama has always sounded magical & loving, while Mommy is 
the one with pizza sauce on her shirt. I'm a Mommy now. 
I really like coffee and I really like spending time with Nick.
If I don't have enough coffee or I don't get time with my husband, 
I have to sort of watch my emotions or I'll cry about anything. 
I need to read the Bible every single day. 
There is no getting around it, I always tell Nick that I feel better if I just put my hand on the outside of my Bible, it truly is my sword and without it, I will also cry too easily. 
Oh, on that note - I'm emotional. 
No use being ashamed of it any longer. 
I live too far from my family & 
I'm not sure how to reconcile that with our life plans. 
God has called us to Boston, but I want to live in the same neighborhood with my Mom & sister and I don't know how that works out, but those are the facts. 
I'm an introvert. 
I do an o.k. job faking it in public, but it's true. 
If I'm in a room of too many people, I can't taste food & I feel a little sick to my stomach. 
If you meet me and think I'm too loud, too silly, or too weird - 
please give me a shot and have a one on one conversation with me
so I can actually be thinking straight, thanks. 
I'm the opposite of tedious. 
I'm sensitive. 
I don't need a lot of sleep to survive. 
I have a really, really underdeveloped palette. (food-taste wise)
[once I thought an onion was a water chestnut]
My favorite color is purple. 
I don't like to dress up. 
I'm bad at long-distance friendships. 

Anyhow, it took me twenty-five years to figure all that, what in the world 
am I going to figure out in the next twenty five? Maybe somewhere inside of me
 I like sports? Or is that part of my sanctification process to bless my husband? 

Well, bring it - year 26. 

4 comments:

kalle said...

i like this. and i can testify to the onion is a water chestnut fiasco bc i asked her to tell me if it was an onion before i ate it due to pregnancy sickness.

i'm glad you were born jess

Angela said...

i am also glad you were born..and i am not really sure that i knew i was older than you (only by a little) but still you are wise beyond your years and i love looking UP to you and you family. hugs.

InthemiddleofLIFE said...

LOVE this post. Some of my favorite lines are:
"...some things I think God has brought us to a bit quicker"
"...Miracle Grow all up on his santification process"
"I'm a mommy...the one with pizza sauce on her shirt"
"...feel better if I just put my hand on the Bible"
Meant to tell you how much I loved this writing on the phone this pm, but couldn't wait another day.
Never stop, please.
Love you! Momma

Melissa from the Blue House said...

I love it! I was no where near this mature and well-thought-out as you are at 25 but at 36, we seem to have lots in common! I need my daily Bible time too or I fall completely apart. :)