deceitful hearts, guest post by Kelly

Below is a guest post by my sweet friend Kelly. My sister has been bff with Kelly since their freshman year in college and we can both attest that her outward beauty is only rivaled by the beauty of her wisdom. She's an incredible mother to two sweet kiddos, and an amazing artist. Find her art, here - at www.kellybollman.com. Enjoy. 

“Ma'am, is there anything the courts of Richland County in the state of South Carolina can do to save your marriage?” 

My thoughts shot into over-drive: “What did you just ask!?”  “Maybe?!”  “I…I don’t know!  …Like what would that be?”  “How come this is the last question and not the first?”

 And then the lie that became my truth resettled.  I remembered the new man.  I remembered my new future.  My new plans. 

“No.”  A stoic reply.

And in October of 2005, in slick brown heels, in that wood-paneled room, with strangers and the dearest in our midst, I walked away from my marriage and said “No more” to my covenant.  The judge pounded out our finality and my attorney gave me her congratulations.  It was a horrific scene.

I couldn’t wait to get out of there.

In January of 2001, I knew I’d be married forever.  Four and ¾ years later, I was done.  Betrayed.  Not by my beloved, nor by a friend, or any other human for that matter, rather by my own heart.

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Wellspring of life.  Deceitful beyond cure.  (see Proverbs 4:23 & Jeremiah 17:9) 

Our hearts.

My heart.  Your heart.   

Lies are thrust upon us regarding our soul organ.  They say, “Trust in your heart.  Find it within your heart.  Go for what your heart desires.  Follow your heart.”

No…. No.  Don’t do it.

I won’t for a second pretend to understand the complexity, the absolute intricacy of the human heart.  How our Creator God placed an organ within us that not only physically beats life within and throughout our bodies, but also houses our souls, our utmost longings, our aches, our joys, so much so that we concretely feel them, right there in our upper-left chests, is beyond my earthly comprehension.  Fear this mystery. 

If I could hold each face skimming this post, I’d place trembling hands on your cheeks, and with every ounce of sincerity, breathe these words: “Friend, believer even, you are absolutely capable of performing your day, your week, your year or decade, driven by a deceived heart.”

We can all go there and not even know it.   Are you?  

What is our heart’s defense?  Cages?  Lock and key?

Fleshier forms --“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you.  I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh,” (Ezekiel 36:26) -- that beat like His.  The kind that only He can devise, that put up walls against bitterness, lies, selfish wants, that thing you can’t stop thinking about, even the stuff they say “we deserve.”  A fleshy heart, like His, brings us to the place where we love those that hate us.  A fleshy heart loves when the pain is nauseating.  A fleshy heart forgives, when forgiveness is excruciating.  A fleshy heart sees and is blessed. (Matt. 5:8) 

Guard such a heart, with more of His blood. 

A heart of flesh, red, raw, gorgeous, pulsing at the rate of God’s, oh Lord, make it so!  For only You can place such matter into our bodies, breathe life, true life, from within and make it good. 

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Our family’s story is not over.  Not even close!

Because of His grace, there will be more to tell.  And better yet, if this little fragment of our tale awakens one deceived heart, it will be worth it and so like our God to make glory rise from ashes.