my favorite gifts.

Kiddos. I don't even know what to say.
(well, obviously I do because this is quite a long post)

I told your dad the other night, there is literally no mother's day gift in this whole world that would be greater than being a mother to the three of you. It's been a crazy few years, ya'll. We went from 0 to 60,000 in the area of family in just five short years. Five years ago this month, I saw two pink lines and now - look at us! The five of us. God has been so good to us and I hope your Daddy and I overcommunicate that to you every day from now until eternity. If we never have another penny extra, a second car, a home of our own, super nice clothes, vacations, abundant sleep, or a calm, uneventful year - we are some of the most blessed people ever. Because the Lord has entrusted us with you guys for however long He sees fit.


Elias Connolly, I loved you so much my heart ached when you were born and it's only grown. I can't believe what an absolute prince you are. I can't believe that you still like to cuddle with me and that you want to be so much like Jesus. It blows my mind that you acknowledge that Glory is your disciple and you want to lead her well. I love how tall you are, your big-going-to-be-six-feet-tall-man-knees, how you run circles around our house, and how you say, "Mom, I like you" about five times a day. I sure like you too, son. An afternoon cuddle, a few minutes spent reading with you, a casual holding of your hand in the car, your FIVE goodnight kisses. All of these gifts are just too much for me. Thank you for being you. Thank you Lord for Elias Powell.

Gloriana Eloise. Glor. Oh Glor. It's been a year so far, sweet girl! You're always on my mind, always in my prayers. Your value to me is beyond measure and you know what, the Lord values you more than I could even fathom. You are worth so much in this Kingdom. You are so incredibly special. I haven't met one person who doesn't express how special you are. The actual spark in your eye, your intense other-worldly energy, your loving care for others, your spice:). You're something special. To us and to Jesus. Thank you for loving us so well and for being who you are. Father, thank you so much for Gloriana Eloise.

Benja, Benja, Benja. Baby ninja of love.
Are you seriously almost two? That's not even funny. If only I could videotape you twenty four seven and share the delight that is  you with the rest of the world. You are so hilarious, so funny, SO hilariously grumpy, so awesome. I cannot believe you are almost two and I cannot believe I made it through this life for twenty four years without you. You really do make your sister and brother so incredibly happy and I love that they both KNOW what a blessing you are. Being pregnant for three years was a little out of control. It's taken your mama some time to come back from that doozy. But to be on the other side, and have a two year old YOU. Oh man, that is worth any amount of contractions, postpartum depression, or stretch marks in this whole world. It's crazy to me to think how the Lord is going to use you. I mean, eventually we're (I'm) going to have to stop treating you like such a baby, but when I do - Jesus is going to use your mightily for this world. You are one precious treasure, son. 

I really love my kids. 
This blog isn't really focused on them and I sure don't write about them a ton, mostly because I think I love them too much to write about them. It would always be this and I'd always be ugly crying in my bed the morning before mother's day. 


It's taken me a few days to write this and today, our pastor preached a really humbling and charging sermon on psalm 127. All parts of it were so encouraging and life giving. We don't build these houses, the Lord does. We must labor, but He is sovereign over all of it. Even rest and comfort, we can't work enough for those - which is something I'm often guilty of. Setting daily goals for myself with the promise that afterward, I'll know I deserve some sort of peaceful night sleep. Which a) isn't true and b) rarely comes:). But the part that has struck me over and over again was his emphasis on this part, "Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate". 


Of course being a youngish, or former youngish, mom who had babies close together, early in my marriage - this was a verse I often claimed and rubbed all over my heart. Praying the Lord would open my eyes and help me to see my children as a tool that would help us in the battle of life, rather than putting us so far behind. Because, sister, if you'd known me a few years ago, shoot - maybe you know me now and think it, it's hard to not see us as behind. Our whole life is backwards from what the culture and often the Christian culture, even, tells us needs to be like. We get little sleep, we have little money, datenights are rare, rest is almost nonexistent, and we're not always a pretty, buttoned-up sight to behold. 


But oh goodness, this Mother's Day I'm seeing it. These treasures; Elias, Gloriana, and Benjamin - are not just blessings, they are an asset and an advantage in the Kingdom of God. Not just for Him, but for me. They have sped my sanctification into hyperdrive, their existence has driven me to the throne of God for grace after grace after grace. They've helped the light of the world to fall strangely dim while I pray with them, shepherd them, and giggle with them. And the five of us, banded together, running hard after Him can gain some serious ground for the Father, by the blood of Jesus, as His spirit works in us. They're not just sweet gifts, they're truly assets and advantages. You might even say because of them, we're winning. 


I don't know why you made me a mom, Lord. I'm the most unfit, unworthy, undeserving woman I've ever met. And you went and lavished the grace and goodness and gave me the three most beautiful creations you've ever made. 
My heart is bursting with humility and gratefulness. 
Thank you Lord. I'm going to try and do my best. 
In Christ Alone.