the Lord of the harvest

matthew nine

In the past few weeks, we’ve found ourselves sharing our story about church planting more and more often. From beginning to end, it can exhaust me a little to remember we actually lived it, are living it – until I remember that this is the very beginning of the story, the first page of the preface, if anything. We start with the night Nick felt the like Lord clearly speak to Him – Boston. You, Boston, Gospel Community. Then we usually rewind to the part where I told him, anything but church planting. Then we skip ahead to where he told me: Us. Boston. Gospel Community. 

And I folded my arms and turned my back to him. And pouted for two years. And in the middle of those two years there was doubt and indecision and there were very hard times. And all the Lord did, Oh, ALL THE LORD DID! He did so much, but the main theme of it was this chiseling down our biggest desires. Is it really all about Jesus for us? Has He really called us to this? Is He enough? For the city of Boston? For us?

And then at the beginning of this year, the Lord gently uncrossed my arms and pointed Nick and I in the same direction. And we stood on top of Bunker Hill, looking out over our future city, and He confirmed it somewhere super deep down in our hearts. The power of the cross that was radically changing us daily was enough to move us to Boston, was enough to transform there, even though we were never enough.

And you’d think, if you wrote the plan, that the next step would be breakthrough. But you and I didn’t write it, and what came was more and more intense chiseling. And we got to walk through grief, more doubt, temptation that looked more like absolute blessing, and through each of those – when all the dust was blown off, the end product the same: we are very sinful and broken. We need Jesus. He is enough for us. He is enough for Boston.

And now, we’re in this sweet stage of chiseling. I would call it practice, but it’s not! It’s never practice! Because it’s always real live hearts and real beautiful souls living around you. And you can only wake up each morning thinking about the future and Boston and how you’ll share Him for so long until you open your eyes and see the real, actual souls around you. Your kids. The other moms at preschool. The strangers at Starbucks. The coworkers. The blog readers. The new friends. The old friends. You can’t practice gospel community and you can’t practice being a disciple.

So this season has been that. Waking up daily and asking myself, “am I stirred enough by the Lord of the harvest to share Him?”. Or even, “Am I stirred enough by the Lord of the harvest to get outside of my plans, my schedule, my problems, my desires, my inabilities, and let Him send me out? Here. There. Every moment I have breath?”

Chiseling is turning into my favorite season so far. Adjusting our plans, but more than that – adjusting our motives. Constantly saying to Him, “You are the Lord of the harvest. It all starts with You.” Letting the Lord of the Harvest mess me up and shift me and move me. And I’ve found that you can only sit on your sofa, with your hands open, asking Him to stir your affections until they’re whirling and spilling out of the pot and you’re ready to start the day. And when it’s 10am and you’ve gotten frustrated with your kids and you’ve messed up any chances for a fruitful harvest for the day, don’t worry sister. His mercies are new every morning and the Lord of the Harvest is more than enough.