on church planting & provision

By the time this posts, it will have been a little over a month since my last update about our church plant and we will have had our second service. For a catch up - Nick (my husband) and I are planting a church in Charleston, SC. We moved in June 2013 with five other friends and spent our first six months here acclimating to the city, meeting our neighbors, praying, and building the early culture of our church. On January 19th, we launched with our first public service and we're meeting monthly till September on Sunday mornings, but weekly we're having family groups. To read a bit more about our church planting story - here are some catch up posts: 

Chest Pains & Church Planting - thoughts before our move to Charleston
The Story of Sending - leaving Indiana  
Being Missional in the Thick of It - part of our plan 
The Story of a Church Plant - our first service

We sat the other night with our friend Brittany and even though we weren't meaning to, we ended up spending an hour or so just telling her our story. Brittany lives with us, she has for almost five months, and I've known her fairly well for over two years - but somehow there felt like huge chunks of our life that she didn't know about. Like, for instance? We lived in some intensely bad financial situations for a few years. Like, well below the poverty line bad. There were super dark days where we'd gather up our quarters and our dimes to buy enough bread and peanut butter to last us a few days or we'd pray for just enough gas to get to church and home. Our hard financial season isn't something we are embarrassed about, and even though it was incredibly difficult - it was in those days that we got to truly live the gospel with one another. We were a far cry from the young and hopeful couple that had gotten married a few years earlier, we were just busted kids having kids trying to do ministry and figure life out. 

I don't mind remembering those hard days for another reason, and that is because we truly learned that the Lord provides. Though our bank account was bleak and the economy was tanking, we never went hungry and our kids never missed a meal. We were never evicted and our power wasn't ever turned off. Our Father worked straight up miracles over and over again to take care of us. And now, we can boldly pray with confidence when people we love are struggling with finances. We can look them in the eye and tell them - He will provide, and then walk with them because that particular struggle will never be quite so terrifying to us again. 

The bad news in this story is that I somehow stopped really praying for provision. I trusted God for provision and learned to thank God for how He'd provide financially, but I stopped seeing the other needs in my life as something I could cry out to Him and ask Him to meet. I'd find myself slumping forward into my own reality, assuming it would "always be this way" in several different areas of life. 

The other day a friend challenged me because I said "that's just the way it is" regarding two separate things in the same conversation. And I'm so glad she did. My personal issues, our circumstances, pain in relationships, issues with our kids - that's never just the way it is in the Lord's economy, right? All things are subject to Him and He can provide, shift, grow, and change our circumstances however He sees fit. When we ask Him for something, His answer may not always be "yes, right away!" - but He is still good and wants us to ask. 

In light of that - here are some things I've seen him provide (outside of money) for us in church planting so far. 
- A few times when we've really needed it, friends (and new friends) have gotten in our face and asked us how they can pray for and/or serve us. Nick and I tend to plow ahead without asking for help, and these people in our life are really helping us start new rhythms. 
- One day when I was particularly burdened by church-related meetings, my mom texted me and asked if I could stop by the place she was having lunch. It was 2pm and I hadn't eaten. She held my baby, ordered me some sweet potato fries and just let me talk for a minute. There have been so many little provision-like-moments like this in the past month.
- The Lord provided a worship leader for our monthly service in January, February, and we already have someone lined up for March. 
- Our "team" has almost doubled in a month. In the midst of people visiting and figuring us out, we've had a handful of people say they're all in and jump beside us to serve and move forward as a church. This has been beautiful and so encouraging. 
- I feel like the Lord is providing such sweet intimacy with Nick and I as we navigate these early months. It's been a huge blessing to turn to one another and then the Lord together for wisdom. 

So I'm learning. I'm learning to see my needs, learning to believe He wants good for me, and remembering to ask my Father for help. In all the things. 

Whether you're a church planter's wife or in ministry or not, I'm sure you've seen the Lord provide in ways you didn't imagine possible you've seen Him provide for things you forgot to ask for. I'd love to hear from y'all - what are those things? 

the story of a church plant

Big life events are my favorite. 
Births. Big family trips. Birthdays and super special date nights. 
I love the days that feel electric and different, the days that feel jittery and magical. 
I'd always expected the day our church plant launched to feel like that, but it didn't. 
It felt real and just right. It felt special, for sure, but also super known - like a dream I'd dreamt over and over and over again, only to live it out in real life after waking up. 

I want to gather up those days and hours surrounding the first service with twine and hang them on the wall like some piece of abstract art. I'm a memory replayer and right now, a night of fun sounds like a cup of coffee and a couch to myself - to lay back and recount all the conversations and the faces and the feelings. But. The best part about church planting (so far) is that it's only just begun. That first launch was so fun and fulfilling, but it just keeps going now. And I love that. 

But while I'm here, why not go ahead and write the play by play? 
For God's glory and my heart's gratitude. 

Thursday 1/16
Thursday was a big old fat day. It was Nick's birthday, we were having a huge sale in the shop, the Morgans were arriving to celebrate the first Gospel Community service with us, AND my kids were out of school. You know those days that you need to go perfectly? That was Thursday for us. It started rougher than rough at 6am when I fell all the way down the stairs, bruising and bloodying a huge portion of my body and waking up all four kids. Thirty minutes later, Cannon dropped my iPhone into a cup of coffee. By 7am, I felt done for. I had a whole house to clean, a husband to celebrate, kids to entertain and we had a church to plant. I took a whole lot of deep breaths and two Aleve, asked God for joy, went to breakfast with Nickers, asked my mom and sister for kid help, and thanked the Lord for AppleCare insurance on my phone. Many errands and loads of laundry later, my kids were home and thrilled to see the Morgan boys just arriving from Indiana. We did our best to get 8 kids to sleep in two bedrooms and the four of us snuck out for a late birthday dinner for Nick. It was such a sweet break to pause and celebrate. 

these guys. made the weekend so sweet. 

Friday 1/17 
Friday was a flurry of kid and toys and noise and fun. Nick spent the bulk of the day finishing up sermon prep, there were people in and out of the house all day, just like I like it. My heart was super expectant for what the Lord was going to do, but it was a really nice distraction to just be about the actual physical people in our home rather than focusing on the big thing coming to fruition that we'd been working at for so long. 

this was half of our crew before going door to door to hand out invitation

Saturday 1/18

Before the day got started, I snuck away to the guest room where Nick and I were sleeping, took off my glasses and wept for about ten minutes into my hands. I wept with joy and gratitude for how the Lord had sustained us over the years and in thanksgiving for what He was about to do. I put my glasses back on and tried to pull my junk together as best I could. 

That morning brought over 20 people, our core team and friends from nearby and far away, into our home so that we could all go out into the neighborhood. We spent time praying and then split up to go pass out invitations. We went door to door, I went with Nick and our boys. I love seeing him in his element and it was a joy to walk with him. He'd knock on the door, we'd greet and explain we were planting a church, then as we walked away - pray for the people we'd met or the house we left an invitation at. The kids were cuter than cute and I think they were starting to feel such sweet ownership over the church. My heart was swelling with excitement at this point. 

Saturday afternoon my mom blessed my face off and took all our kids to her house. I spent about ten minutes sitting in silence, thirty minutes straightening up the living room for the beating it had taken, and I was a new woman. That night we went to dinner with the Morgans and came home to finish up a few church admin things - children's ministry check in sheets, coloring sheets, order of service. Nick and I talked before bed and both said - God is the same He's been the past few years. He's the same God who has loved us when we've failed and He's the same God who's helping us plant a church. We did a little cuddling, took some melatonin and went to bed. 

my mom made this pastor's wives pack for me complete with mints, feminine products,
Tide togo & headache medicine. She's the best. 

Sunday 1/19
During the second or third song, I snuck away from my front row spot, grabbed a cup of coffee and stood in the back. Almost all the seats were filled, worship was going beautifully, and I could hear the kids muffled laughter in children's ministry next door. People we'd prayed would come had come and people we'd never met (but had prayed for) had come. There were four people/families who had heard of our church via instagram or Facebook, which blessed my heart to no end. These two things we do - church and online, can often feel like they're competing, but in the end - they're both all about His Kingdom. Nick preached a message that seemed so incredibly fitting for the audience that we couldn't have anticipated. We've been praying for years for a church where people could be our family before they were a part of God's family. We've prayed that we wouldn't be just a holding place for Christians, but a home for those who have relationships with the Lord and those who don't. He preached the gospel honestly and invitingly, somehow spurring us all on - wherever we were. 

oh swoon. 

My favorite part was after the service, when we started "Starting Point", our info session for people who were ready to walk with us and move forward as a church family. So few people left and it seemed that all those people sitting were genuinely interested. They wanted to know about family groups and discipleship and I wanted to know about them. 

We went to lunch with the core team and then some and everyone came back to our house for football watching. By 6pm, I was feeling donezo and by 10pm, I was a hot mess. But we'd made it through the day. We'd launched our church plant. We said goodbye to the Morgans and I laid on the floor of the guest room - sending texts to the people who'd come and shown their support. To the family members who served in children's ministry and the faces that made my day. 

Monday 1/20
I told him, "I feel inadequate. I don't think I can do this!" The more I thought about it, I wanted to back up. I'm going to make a terrible church planter's wife. Nick smiled at me and put an arm on my shoulder, "Good. I feel inadequate too". We went on to talk about how our ministry and church ideas have always been based on continually needing the gospel, continually being changed by the Good News that only God is good and we need Him. I suppose now that we're leading the church, this will still be the same for us. We are needy and inadequate still. 

my house, just how I like it. 

Tuesday 1/21 
We had our first family group with over 25 people. There was Sprite all over the floor and kids all over the place. But, oh man - I loved it so much. I love these people so much, the new friends and the ones who have so faithfully given the last few months of their lives to walk with us. The ones who aren't here yet, and mostly - the man who got dreamy and bold and told me five years ago that he felt called to to plant a church called Gospel Community on a snowy night in Seattle. 

I find myself just saying thank you thank you thank you to the Lord under my breath for all that He's done in the last years and weeks to get us here. We're inadequate and He is not. We're weak and His power is made perfect in us. 
We are living out Gospel Community.
And I can't wait. 

It's Saturday night & I'm the pastor's wife

It's Saturday night, the night before our prayer service/test run of our church service launch. 

There's so much to catch you up on, I'm not sure where to start. 

Back in December of 2008, Nick told me he wanted to plant a church called Gospel Community. It was a snowy night in Seattle and I was angry. I didn't want to be a church planter's wife - I wanted to be a pastor's wife. I didn't want to move, I wanted to live in Seattle forever. I didn't want things to be unknown, I wanted to follow an easy and structured path that included private schools and money for manicures. I'll never forget when he said it in an almost bribery-based way, "but Jess! I want you to document it all. I want you to blog the whole thing, tell the story and encourage other women along the way!"

I sort of did and I sort of didn't. I've told you guys a good bit, and you've probably gathered - our life has been far from easy. We didn't just move once more. We moved six more times. Plus there was a three month span in there where we were essentially homeless and during that month we shifted about a dozen times. Money, or the lack of it, genuinely was the least of our concerns. We were determined to plant a church in Boston, fundraised and started to make our way there - only to be shut down by a horrible season for our family, my struggle with depression, and basically the Lord's will closing that door very resolutely. We found ourselves in Columbia and then Indiana, assisting another church and that church very quickly decided they wanted Nick as one of their pastors. We dove in head first to small business. The Lord put Charleston on Nick's heart and I waited and held my breath. I waited for him to slam that door closed. 

But He didn't. Rather, He really went before us in every sense. Each and every time we put up a barrier, He broke it. Each and every time we asked for wisdom and waited for rebuke, we got blessing. The Lord provided what seems to be the perfect house for us, the perfect street, the most amazing school for our kids with a newly remodeled building on King Street that just so happens to be thrilled to let us have church there. I'm not saying that it's all been seamless and without struggle, but it's been very different than having to knock doors down. And now, all of a sudden, I find myself one week out from our official church planting and I haven't said much. I haven't told the story. 

I'm not sure how I could have told it and completely protected the hearts of those I love. There were dark days and long years (about 4 to be exact) where Nick had every reason to doubt the call the Lord gave him. Things would move forward on the internet in our business, but the plant seemed on pause. And when we moved to Fort Wayne I didn't know how to tell the stories, even my own stories, of what it was like to be a transient new pastor's wife - trying to adjust to the culture and let the Lord grow a culture in me at the same time. It didn't seem right to tell the stories of the hard meetings he had or the spiritual victories that weren't necessarily mine. But I find a hesitation to begin telling the story now, for fear that you'll think everything has just gone our way. 

I'm sweeping my house tonight, thinking how pastors-wifey this feels. Prepping the home and laying out clothes so that tomorrow morning, all will run smoothly. It's funny that now it comes instinctively, when five years ago, on that snowy night in Seattle I couldn't imagine how I'd ever manage in this role. I couldn't imagine it every coming to fruition, but the Lord spoke it all into place. It's not as tidy as I would have pictured it. There were lots of tears, and many years, mistakes, successes, and a million lessons learned. But here we are, planting a church. 

Right now, we're a super small group of believers, trying to live as family and reach our neighborhood. There are eight of us who live here and two who are on their way. We are about the gospel and community. We don't feel confident in anything but Jesus. Our church is based around the belief that God can and will change us by the grace of the gospel, that He will utilize community to do that gospel work, and He has commissioned us to love our neighbor as ourselves. Our to-do list regarding the lost is very simple: begin with prayer, look and listen, eat together, serve the city, and share the truth of Jesus Christ. We've spent the last few months storming as a team, praying together, learning from our pastor and one another, meeting people, finding our rhythms and now - ready or not, we're starting a service. 

I really love being my pastor's wife. He's been pastoring me unofficially and off the charts for almost 12 years now. He's been leading me to Jesus, walking with me beside the still waters. We've bumped together in life rafts after failing, flailing, and nearly sinking. We've laughed and we've cried a lot. Correction, I've cried. A lot. 

But now it's time and I'll tell this story. 

We are planting a church. 

It's Saturday night & I'm the pastor's wife. 

We would super appreciate your prayers over the next week. If you want to learn more about Gospel Community - you can find our website here. We're on social media too - twitter, instagram, and facebook. 

missional in the thick of it || part one

Making Disciples.
Missional. 
Church planting. 
Neighbors. 
Prayer and Worship. 
Core Team. 
Pastoring. 
Apostles and Prophets. 
Mission and Vision. 

This is what we talk about in my home. Sure, we talk about blogs and small business. We talk about Montessori and pinterest and scripture prints. But we talk a LOT about church planting being that my husband is a church planter. We've been a part of several church plants over the past eight years, but in June things got really real when we moved to downtown Charleston, SC to plant a church of our very own. Just us and our sweet four kiddos, a lot of grace and some hopeful hearts. 

Over the past few months, a small core team has come around us to start the church with us and the Lord is absolutely moving and working and growing us. We are prayerfully moving towards gathering outside of our home in January (a real live church service!) and we are really excited about the future of Gospel Community Charleston. But for all the talking, praying, planning, and church planting we're doing - it is one of the least things I blog or talk about online. It is a tender spot  for me as we are still doing so much growing and learning, but I want to begin to share some bits of our story and what the Lord is teaching me as we move forward. 

oh me? I live in Charleston.

Today, the Influence Network is hosting a link up for network members to share where all they live. This is perfect little prompt for me since where I live (read: just moved) is about all that's on my mind. 

We officially moved to Charleston, SC a week ago. Our main purpose in moving is to plant a church - Gospel Community Church - in the downtown area. You might be like "oh duh..." about this, but I'm realizing a lot of my blog readers haven't connected all the dots - which I totally understand because, for real, there are a lot of dots. 

Here are the highlights of the story of us moving to Charleston. 
- Nick and I grew up in Charlotte, NC. 
- My senior year of highschool, my family moved to Mt. Pleasant, SC (a huge suburb/city outside of Charleston). I stayed in Charlotte to finish highschoool. 
- Nick and I went to college in Columbia, SC and fell in love with Charleston/Mt. Pleasant and visited a lot.
- In 2005, after we got married, we moved with a huge group of people from Mt. Pleasant to start a church in Charlotte, NC (where we grew up). 
- Then we moved to Seattle where God called Nick to start a church (Gospel Community). 
- Then we decided to move to Boston to plant that church, but we never made it because of family complications (read: I struggled severely with depression and was a hot mess). 
- We moved back to Columbia, SC for a building + repairing season. 
- A pastor in Indiana wanted to buy "gospelcommunity.com" from us, we didn't want to sell it, we became friends with the pastor and decided to combine our churches. in 2012, we moved to Indiana. 
- After a year and a half of solidifying the mission and vision of Gospel Community, we decided to plant the next on in downtown Charleston. 
- We moved here last week. 

So we're here. Right now, realistically, "planting the church" looks like unpacking our home and hosting guests. There are over 30 people (including kids) praying about moving here to help plant the church and we've been hosting some of them. We are honestly so very excited about what the Lord is going to do and so very overwhelmed by the task at hand. Our neighborhood is perfect and it's been such a blessing to begin to meet the people living around us, and I can't say what a breath of fresh air it's been to have family and other community in the same city. Since having kids, I've never lived in the same city as my mom and sister. It's blowing my mind that they can babysit my kids or I can meet them for coffee. 

It hasn't totally hit that we live here yet, but when I start to wrap my brain around it -- I'm overwhelmed beyond overwhelmed. I love this place so much. The beach. The friendly people. The culture. Our neighborhood is this super interesting mix of young middle class families and older lower income families as well. There are shacks right next door to beautifully newly remodeled homes. On my morning run, I pass million dollar Charleston style plantation homes and I also run through a housing project. And it's our job, our honor, to get to share Jesus with all of them.

So that's where I'm at. 
Here, in the midst of the boxes in Charleston. 
Trying to figure out life here and so grateful. 
Want to hear more about our church? Check out my husband's blog. 

I'm so pumped to check out the blog and see where the rest of y'all are from!

So many things to catch up/blog about and MamaShred is one of those! I need to give a big update but first I wanted to share that we are opening spots for Round 2! Don't miss out, the spots have been going super quick! 

telling the story of sending

Five years ago, when we very first started talking about church planting, I was a family-mama-blogger writing to a much smaller crowd in a much less intentional way. To be totally honest, I wasn't the most receptive to church planting when Nick first pitched the idea to me. I'll never forget how it went down because we were snowed in by a massive storm in Seattle and Nick and I were stuck in the house together for five days when he first laid the idea. I told him "no way, no how" but he asked me to pray and five days later, I told him in a relenting, defeated way - "yes, yes, ok." During that massive snowstorm, I remember sitting on our bed in Seattle and Nick pointing at the computer while I was blogging and he said, "And I want you to tell the whole story. Blog through it. Encourage other church planter's wives and women who are terrified of what their husband is called to."

Now it's five years later and my heart is in a much different place. We've served at one church plant and he's pastored at another. We're moving to Charleston this week and I'm more than happy to identify with being a church planter's wife - not from a place of pride or knowing anything at all, but from the humbled place of a woman who has had the mess loved out of her and who has received grace upon grace when it comes to the body of Christ. Nick and I are truly equipped by the gospel-based community that has been poured out on us over the past few years. I haven't written a ton about the ministry that goes on in our churches over the past few years, but I would like to begin to tell the stories. Whether you're a church planter's wife or a pastor's wife or a wife or a future wife - I pray that as the grace pours out of my cracked places and words, you'll be blessed and encouraged. 

The stories I have right now are all sending stories - little glimpses of ways we've been put into that I want to remember and cherish and hold on the days when we might feel alone, tired, or beat up by ministry. 

Last week, we had a big fun goodbye leadership dinner at the Arnolds. First of all, we love our friends, the Arnolds, and their house so much. It's a beautiful family home on a ton of land and every corner of the home feels magical and loving. The Arnolds have seven kids and they're some of the most relaxed and intentional and best parents I've ever met. I literally could write an entire post on Hannah and Bryce and what a blessing they've been to us and Gospel Community Charleston, so I might just save more on them for later. 

Anyhow, we had our big leadership dinner at their home - there were probably 50 of us including adults and kids - just enjoying a sweet Indiana night. All the other pastors and deacons in Indiana are real guys-guys. They're into shooting guns and they know how to fix stuff. They constantly pick on Nick for being a city boy, which he doesn't mind in the slightest. Anyhow, for this last get together, they were going to Indianify him just a little so they set up a mini shooting range behind the Arnold's house and spelled out "N I C K" on the targets. 

All the men started hauling their massive bags of guns out to the targets, so to one up them - Nick went to our van and grabbed Benja's Toy Story backpack with a toy gun in it. He slung it over his shoulder and walked proudly to go shoot some guns with the guys. Hannah and I and the other mamas kept the kids a safe ways back and later all the kids went on a trailer ride with Bryce. We ended the night with a bonfire and couch bonding and even though I hadn't slept at all the night before (up late launching Refresh), I was willing my eyes to stay open so I could keep soaking up time with these precious people. 

The leadership at Gospel Community Fort Wayne taught us so much. In word, in deed, in happy and laughing times and in the storms and bumping up against one another that we did. I see now that the gospel is as alive in the cornfields of Indiana as it is anywhere else. It's exciting and thrilling and life giving and life changing. It transforms hanging out and fellowshipping into true community, into family because we're inextricably bonded by grace that flows down from the cross. We can be so crazy different from one another, we can disagree and see one another's sin and still love each other. We can not agree on many things and agree on the only thing that matters all at once. 

We can be Gospel Community.  

psssst: today is the last day to get The Refresh Book for $4.99, 

if you haven't bought your copy - buy it now! 

muteness

I first experienced it right after we had Benja. 
I had a two year old. A feisty one year old. And a newborn. 
There were no seconds in the day that my hands weren't full. 
I was guiding and shifting and praying and holding all day. 
And we were house parents at a maternity home. 
And it was summer in Seattle. 
Which meant it was hot and there was no escape.
And life felt very blessed, I could see the measure of blessing - all laid out on my bed. 
I feel like I always kept those kids on my bed. They basically lived there - because if we stayed on the bed all day, it was easier for me to change their diapers and feed them and keep them alive.


So it was all a blessing, but at the end of the day
when Benjamin was finally nursed and tucked in. 
I was mute. 
I had not a single word for anyone. 
I would crawl back in to that bed, with a big silent smile.
I was spent in the best way possible. 


And there have been different seasons since then. 
Good ones. Bad ones. Great ones. Disastrous ones. 
Seasons where I had no words because the only noise I could make was a muted cry into a blanket or a scream into a pillow. 
There have been seasons where I had too many words and too many thoughts or too many laughs. 
But I feel like I'm right back where I was, in those days. 
But in a whole new way. 


It's almost spring here. It was spring for like a week and then Indiana remembered who it was and reverted back to early spring. I think I'm the only person in the whole state who gets excited to only see only a day or two of 70's in the ten day forecast. I'm a reformed spring hater. So it's not that I hate the spring, I just like good transitions. Early spring first. Then 70's, ok? 


Anyways, my point is
this spring is reminding me so much of that early Seattle summer. 


We've moved beyond those hot days where our world was contained on the bed. 
Now it's in the front yard and it's at the library and in the kitchen and at the church and at the park.
It's "all you need to know about homeschooling" books and gluten-free websites and beautiful talks with my husband about the gospel in our lives and in this really precious church that we're at. It's in the walks around the blocks with the boys at dusk. It's a few visitors each day just dropping by for coffee. It's even in our sweet home office. Writing. Typing. Dreaming. Printing prints and praying over packages. 


Our world has expanded. By His grace, He's grown our little post. 
Expanded the size of our plate. 
And at the end of the day, I look at it and I see Him and His hand. 
I also see my own failure and I get to praise Him for grace. 
I see Jessi at the end of herself and Jesus coming in to save the day
in time management and four year old tantrums and rushed dinner hours. 


But at the end of it, I'm mute. 
And that's all I'm trying to say. 
It's not an apology or a goodbye. Just an explanation. 
If it's not all super wordy or super wise or if I open twitter, facebook, email, or blogger and stay quiet for a minute. It's the best kind of quiet. 
Muted because the real life world has taken all my words for today. 
But I'm sure they'll be back soon. 

where we are.

I’m squished in the back of our sweet little Corolla, with not nearly enough elbow room to type. It’s 10:27pm on Tuesday night and that I THINK that all four children, split up between two cars have finally fallen asleep. The past few days have all been those sorts of days where at the end of the night, when you think back to the first thing you did that morning, you’re certain that was actually four days ago. This morning feels like four days ago. Yesterday morning feels like eight days ago, Sunday morning may as well have been 2011.

The past few days have been just chock-full of the gospel being played out. The minutes have ticked by in this weighty and yet sweetly floating sense. You know, we’ve moved a lot, transitioned a lot, and we’ve almost always done it quickly. So I’m getting more and more used to these chunks of time that are thin. I read an author once who describe “thin places”, where the space between eternity and earth is so small and almost transparent and things just look different. Just happen different.

And I could write pages about all of them. I could write pages about our prayer time with our community group last Wednesday. A new Indiana friend had given me some precious encouragement about waiting and hearing something the Lord might have to say to us in this transition and I feel like He used that prayer time with that group of people to speak some sweet things. Thursday, Friday, and Saturday were filled with laughter, prayer, worship, tears, talks, and rest with our family. We just totally abandoned the massive amount of packing we had to do and enjoyed them.

Sunday we said goodbye to Riverside and that night, Riverside (and some other friends) showed up and gave us the greatest gift in the world. They basically packed our entire house. I sat in my room and maybe felt truly, truly overwhelmed for the first time in this entire move. So I sat in my room and joked with the people who rotated in and out while other brothers & sisters in Christ packed my dishes and my books and my kids toys.

Monday was a whirlwind. I went walking and praying early with Ellen. A few tears on the way home. Elias and Nick had the mosy joyous and curious and amazing time talking and praying that morning, but I feel like that’s Elias’ story to tell. But it was a gift beyond words. Laura dropped by. A few more tears. Ruby & Nonny and the boys arrived. The Gospel Community guys pulled in. Hugs and fun and talking. (ps – have I mentioned that I’m still overwhelmingly thankful for these guys. If you’re praying about moving to be a part of a church and the pastor, his son, and two interns want to drive 12 hours to come move you, then 12 hours back – you must be dealing with gospel community) Packing. Packing. Packing. Megan and Piper visit! Packing. Packing. Dinner with lots of kids and lots of people and a quick bye hug with my mom and sister.

And then I was home alone, the boys were all still out, and the kids were in bed. And I sat on the couch and looked at the bare walls and the no furniture and the desolate nature of that house and I couldn’t help but feel like I had been transported back to a little over a year ago when we moved in. Broken. Scared. Bare. Vulnerable. Lonely.

And now we’re leaving. Having met the Healer in all new ways. Full of a faithful peace that can only be from Him. Having received more than we could ask or imagine. Protected by Him. Protected by a body of believers sending us and a body of believers receiving us. Loved by Him and His body.

And then my girls came. And the tears started. And woosh, they didn’t stop. I cried myself to sleep and the whole time, I just begged the Lord for what – I don’t know. Maybe just that He’d make me a big girl, big enough for the tasks He’s called us to. He’s given me a love for this thing called gospel community, this loving one another till you’re bleeding out His blood and seeing one another covered in it. And doing life together and actually wanting His best for one another. And He’s given it all over. Charlotte. Seattle. Columbia. And I know He’ll continue to do it. I just needed Him to patch up the little hurt places in my heart to be ready to go at it again.

And then it was Tuesday. Elias’ FIFTH BIRTHDAY! And there have been fun stops along the way and a pervading smell of poop in this car and too much diet coke and too much coffee, and a growing sense of joy and anticipation as we drive.

And all that is just to say – it’s not so tidy in this heart. It’s not all fist forward in the sky, charging fearlessly into the unknown for the sake of the gospel. There are nights facedown on the mattress because the bed is already packed in the trailer saying, “Lord: is this good news real? Help me decide in my heart once more that it is so that I can remember it’s worth going anyway, leaving all the family and friends in the world for. Comfort my heart with your good news.” And He does.

And it is good news. 

a true story: we're moving to Indiana.

A true story

new Indiana print in our house

part one: great grace

Not everyone knows the whole story. Shoot, it’s a long story. And He’s still writing it. I used to hate this story. I struggled to see Him in it. But the best stories are like that, right? Where all at the end, it makes sense. But praise God, we’re not at the end yet. No where near. God called my husband to plant a church in Boston, named Gospel Community, in 2008. We live in Seattle and I wanted to live in Seattle forever. We kept getting delayed with life, delayed with the condition of our hearts, until in the fall of 2010 it seemed time. We packed up, were sent off by a wonderful community and had the intention of stopping in South Carolina for a few weeks of further fundraising and revitalization. We needed the Lord to move big time, but felt Him pushing us forward. A few weeks in, it became apparent that the Lord was not flinging wide the doors to Boston. There were stress and tears and confusion. So much confusion. There were hard talks about depression and about failure and in the midst of it, we got to experience God’s great grace over and over and over again. The same grace we wanted so badly to share with others, we were desperate for. We came to Columbia, a city we swore we’d never live in again, for a friend’s wedding. And then, the doors flung open. He wanted us here. In a holding place. We stayed.

part two: the best and worst year ever

Columbia was rescue and rest and it was also frustrating anticipation. I needed healing from depression. The Lord healed. So now can we go to Boston? No. Glory has her massive seizures. She might be brain damaged. She’s in the ICU. God straight up heals her. Now can we go to Boston? No. We get pregnant. Pregnant! A fourth baby! We lose the baby. God comforts our hearts in a new way. Can we go to Boston now, Lord? Not yet. We need to really have our faith shaken down, once again – do we really believe that this life is only meant for enjoying Him, knowing Him, and making more disciples? Yes, we do. As best we can. Can we go to Boston? Not yet. One day, in July, Nick and I went on a hiking date. We both felt this urgency to pray together, to ask Him for what was next. We both felt like He’d speak to us on the hike. We ran and walked and held hands and moved in quiet. At the end, we both confirmed. Just wait. He was saying to just wait.

part three: out of nowhere

Throughout the year, Nick had talked on and off with another church planter -  a guy in Fort Wayne, Indiana – the pastor of another Gospel Community.  From my eyes, I see them getting to know one another and I see my husband smiling more and he says there might be something there. Some sweet connection. We might be the same church? Great! Can we go to Boston now Lord? Not yet. We skype with him & his wife. I love them. They’re wonderful. A few weeks later, we find out that the holding place is getting shaken up. Our sweet little rescue of a house has been sold and we won’t be the renters. Nick’s contract at his job at up. He asks if I’d ever consider moving Fort Wayne. I say absolutely not. And almost as soon as I say that, I feel the Lord convicting me and quickening me. This isn’t something to say no to. We skype again and this time, I bring it up, I think I just blurted out, “can we come there?!”.

And we did.

my favorite new print. 

part four: great grace, again.

All five of us pile in a tiny Corolla and drive to Fort Wayne. Before we even reach our sweet new friend’s house, we agree – unless they are serial killers and they don’t want us to come, we’re moving. It feels more right than anything. I think, at best – this is what the Lord wants and it will bring me more joy than I can describe to support my husband. I have no idea how He is about to blow our minds. We love them. Our new precious friends. Our new gospel community. We love the sweet little city. We love the church. We want to be there. To serve with them. To grow with them. To learn from them. And when the time is right, to move on from them and continue growing Gospel Community in Boston. 

So, in two weeks, we're going to move to Fort Wayne, Indiana to serve and be a part of Gospel Community Church. And while it’s random and it was no where in our 3 year plan, it is such an incredible blessing and we are more than thankful to our God who has shown us such great grace. By giving Himself, and by graciously guiding us and growing us in these years, and be moving us along – towards a sweet new gospel community. We'd love your prayers as we pack up everything in the South, say goodbye to friends and family, and get settled in our new community in Fort Wayne.

praying you experience His great grace today. 

Jess

lessons learned in 1400 miles

Back in December, 
we started praying about taking a special little road trip. 
The Lord had introduced us (for real, it felt like that) to some precious friends and it felt important to meet them and spend some time with them and so we prayed about it.
And decided, yep! 
We need to go. 


So we took our precious little blessing of a Corolla to the shop and they ok'd her for the 1400 round trip drive to Indiana. And we packed some toys and a borrowed car DVD player and woke up at the crack of dawn two Wednesdays ago tomorrow and just did it, 
just went for it. 
Columbia, South Carolina to Fort Wayne, Indiana. 

And here are some lessons I learned in those 

11 days, 1400 miles, and 30 hours in the car. 

- The whole "if we leave at 4am, the kids will sleep the first 4 hours" may not work on our family. But my kids are SUPER cute at 4am. On our first gas station stop (at 5:03am), Glory asked if the gas station bathroom hand dryer was for her nails. 
- PS: speaking of sleep. Slumber partying it up with friends for 11 days may mean your kids fast from sleeping (for spiritual reasons of course). It's still worth it. 
- Also, road tripping with your kids CAN be super fun if you decide it will be. I think we talked to our kids more than we ever have and REALLY talked to them. It was such a blessing.

- Roadtripping is the perfect excuse to restaurant hop. But, if on the way back, your new friends have woken up at 4am to pack you with a cooler full of food, Diet Coke, and your coffee just the way you like it - just Praise God. The trip was worth it. 
- Buying the cheap Walmart gloves without waterproofing will NOT work in Indiana. 
- There is such a thing as too much coffee. Between four adults, I think we went thru about 8 pounds of coffee in 9 days. Bahahahaha. And I'd do it all over again. 

disclaimer: this pic of Glor is not from our trip, but it was too cute to leave out

- If you think you'll be blessed by some new friends, just wait till your kids meet their kids. My children are now not opposed to the idea of 14-hour-car-trips-just-for-the-sake-of-playdates. 
- Doing motherhood  in the home of a new friend who is super wise and showing you gobs of hospitality is humbling & encouraging & sharpening. 
- I really, really love my husband because the Lord has made him incredibly easy to love. And it would be wise for me to follow him on whatever adventure the Lord calls him to. 

- Bob Evans has something called a "Biscuit Bowl". It's a biscuit, shaped like a bowl, filled with bacon, cheese, eggs, and hollandaise sauce. It's not appropriate to eat if you're a healthy eater/semi-vegan lady. Thankfully, I was too tired to remember I was any of those things when i ORDERED IT AND ATE IT IN 3 MINUTES. 
- Here's a lesson I really, really learned. Well, I started to see how much I need to learn it:  
Grace, true - scandalous, overflowing, undeserved grace --- It doesn't need to be feared by any human standards. And it doesn't lead to more sin. It leads to a deeper desire for righteousness. And that might seem random, but it's a huge lesson He started chipping into me on this trip. 

- I realized that if your trip gets extended for a day or two due to snow, you only ACT disappointed when inside you're thrilled since you were sad to leave in the first place. 
- I realized that my kids have an instinctual reaction to seeing snow in ANY FORM, which is to immediately stick it in their mouths. Immediately. Gross. (think like Glory: "oh! see that snow over there on that stranger's boot! I should go eat it!")
- I realized if you're attending a church where the pastor's wife can look out the window and see some interns shoveling snow out of her her driveway without anyone asking them to, you can praise God for Gospel Community. 

- And the Lord reminded me that we see such a small part of His plan. And that is such a great blessing. Because we'd sure plan some messes out of lives if we could. 
- And of course, of course, of course - no matter how great a trip is, 
it's always good to go home. 


{{ more on our trip later this week. can't wait to share more. }}

the Lord of the harvest

matthew nine

In the past few weeks, we’ve found ourselves sharing our story about church planting more and more often. From beginning to end, it can exhaust me a little to remember we actually lived it, are living it – until I remember that this is the very beginning of the story, the first page of the preface, if anything. We start with the night Nick felt the like Lord clearly speak to Him – Boston. You, Boston, Gospel Community. Then we usually rewind to the part where I told him, anything but church planting. Then we skip ahead to where he told me: Us. Boston. Gospel Community. 

And I folded my arms and turned my back to him. And pouted for two years. And in the middle of those two years there was doubt and indecision and there were very hard times. And all the Lord did, Oh, ALL THE LORD DID! He did so much, but the main theme of it was this chiseling down our biggest desires. Is it really all about Jesus for us? Has He really called us to this? Is He enough? For the city of Boston? For us?

And then at the beginning of this year, the Lord gently uncrossed my arms and pointed Nick and I in the same direction. And we stood on top of Bunker Hill, looking out over our future city, and He confirmed it somewhere super deep down in our hearts. The power of the cross that was radically changing us daily was enough to move us to Boston, was enough to transform there, even though we were never enough.

And you’d think, if you wrote the plan, that the next step would be breakthrough. But you and I didn’t write it, and what came was more and more intense chiseling. And we got to walk through grief, more doubt, temptation that looked more like absolute blessing, and through each of those – when all the dust was blown off, the end product the same: we are very sinful and broken. We need Jesus. He is enough for us. He is enough for Boston.

And now, we’re in this sweet stage of chiseling. I would call it practice, but it’s not! It’s never practice! Because it’s always real live hearts and real beautiful souls living around you. And you can only wake up each morning thinking about the future and Boston and how you’ll share Him for so long until you open your eyes and see the real, actual souls around you. Your kids. The other moms at preschool. The strangers at Starbucks. The coworkers. The blog readers. The new friends. The old friends. You can’t practice gospel community and you can’t practice being a disciple.

So this season has been that. Waking up daily and asking myself, “am I stirred enough by the Lord of the harvest to share Him?”. Or even, “Am I stirred enough by the Lord of the harvest to get outside of my plans, my schedule, my problems, my desires, my inabilities, and let Him send me out? Here. There. Every moment I have breath?”

Chiseling is turning into my favorite season so far. Adjusting our plans, but more than that – adjusting our motives. Constantly saying to Him, “You are the Lord of the harvest. It all starts with You.” Letting the Lord of the Harvest mess me up and shift me and move me. And I’ve found that you can only sit on your sofa, with your hands open, asking Him to stir your affections until they’re whirling and spilling out of the pot and you’re ready to start the day. And when it’s 10am and you’ve gotten frustrated with your kids and you’ve messed up any chances for a fruitful harvest for the day, don’t worry sister. His mercies are new every morning and the Lord of the Harvest is more than enough.