PLEASE read the following. My friend and hero, Kelly Cowan, mother of two sweet twin girls wrote this. Her girls, Kanah and Grace, were born April 25th and I absolutely cannot wait to meet them. Kelly was one of the leaders at Forest Hill when I was in the youth group and her husband, Jason, is one of Nick's best friends and one of his life coaches:). Here's Kelly's website for more goodness -
http://http://kellycowan.spaces.live.com/default.aspxJuly 23
CrownI'm a mom. It's wild to suddenly have a new title. It took me years to get used to "wife". You feel instantly aged, like you've put a shirt on that's too big and you're swimming. Well, I guess I don't want to be wearing big shirts anymore. Another word picture - like my first day at a new job. You kind of sit there sliding things around on your desk, wishing the IT dept would get your computer hooked up so you can look like you know what you're doing. Is this word picture working either? ;) Anyway, it's a sudden newness that you've been looking forward to and in this one instant you have a new name. Other people seem used to it before I am. Interesting isn't it, those who know me least are most comfortable with the title "mom" for me because they get to know who I am now, not who I've been - the me that was wide eyed at the mystifying thought of becoming a mom. Then friends and family warm up to it and more and more see me this way - I guess nine months of a growing belly is helpful. And then there I am, still cocking my head to the side at that word on the page, even though the whole world is nice and comfy placing that gorgeous crown of honor on my head. And surely it is not just a word, it is a crown. Kanah and Grace watch it shimmering on my head. They gaze at me in a way that seems to make it valid more than hearing the actual word off any tongue. They have no idea what is going on in the world but they do know a truth and that is that I am a big, important "blob" (they can't see great yet) that's always around, loving them. And later we will teach them that the word their world has chosen for their big, important, loving blob is "mom". I was recently asked by my father in law what it was like to be a mom. It's everything I can't say about how I feel when Kanah or Grace look at me. Their eyes call me to something. Their eyes speak life into me. Their eyes tell me who to be for them. Their eyes stir up something new in me that the Lord put there for me to become...for them. Not for me. For them. So being a "mom" feels heavy, feels deep, feels like this vast field that I run in, clutching the hands of my husband and little girls. And it feels so good. I used to not be so sure if I was ready to be a mom. It was a word I pushed off for a while. I didn't realize being a mom was a crown. So I wasn't sure if I wanted it. I thought it was just a big shirt. But it turns out it was a big crown. And it's really beautiful and right and good. There, now I have my word picture.
