the story of us

Awhile back, a friend said to me "I like reading your blog but I miss the days when it was more about who you are and less about what you do. I understand why it can't always be like that, but I still miss those days."

And it's true. What started as a family blog/place to dump my heart thoughts has morphed into more. As our small businesses have become our job and as our family and ministry has become our life, it feels really easy to protect what is our life and blog about what is my job. Life feels sacred, the good and the bad of it. The car rides with kids pinching each other and babies crying in the night. Cuddle sessions on Sunday afternoon and moments curled up next to my husband as we pray and share our fears. Sometimes the fuller life gets, the more I want to hide it from the internet. 

BUT. I don't want to look back on this blog and not remember what our family was like. One of the biggest blessings of having blogged for 9 years is that I can look back and remember. So today, I thought I'd just give a quick family update - a story of us, who we are right now, from my perspective. 

Nick: Our patriarch is leading us well. He's following Jesus and we're following him. Nick is full time working for the church now and handed almost all of his responsibilities with Naptime Diaries to Jacey and I. He still primarily works from home, which is a straight up blessing to me. He spends his days studying and praying, meeting with new church members, meeting with other people in our city, serving at our kid's school, and planning and strategizing for the church. I surprised him with a bike for Christmas (which was the hardest thing in America to surprise someone with) and he's started riding a good bit. For fun, he works out and occasionally watches sports. For fun, I tell him he needs to have more fun. 

Elias: Elias turned seven at the end of January and most days I'm not sure who is parenting who. Ebug wakes up faithfully at six every morning, so him and I get to spend that first hour together - squished together on the couch as I read the Bible and he plays with legos or reads a book. His heart is in such a cool place right now, as he's all of a sudden exposed to the world in so many new ways - but he wants to be tethered home too. He reads his Bible every night in bed and he does a wicked english accent. He loves legos and anything electronic. His hair is so thick and beautiful, I feel like it must hurt his head. 

Glory: Glor just turned six last week and I swear in my head, she is still 4. Maybe 5. Not 6. The only word to describe her is JOY. She is so full of joy. And even when she's not, when she's mad or fussy, she makes us feel joyful because she's so stinking cute. She serves her heart out - often asking multiple times a day, "Is there anything else I can do?". She loves Frozen like every other little girl in America right now. She likes Irish dancing, which is hilarious to watch. She gets dirty quicker than anyone I've ever met and her smile is infectious. 

Benjamin: Oh Benj, son of my right hand. We've seen more growth in Benjamin in the last year than I ever could have imagined. He is growing so soft, but he's still so unlike the rest of us in some funny ways. He's grumpy and sarcastic, isn't quick to show his emotions, and he is really, really, really genuinely funny. One of my favorite moments of 2014 was a month or so ago and he was going to sleep. He still sleeps with his same camo blanket that he's had since he was six months old, even though it barely covers him. I couldn't find his blanket anywhere and he was slowly becoming distraught. I finally found it and after I covered him up and as I walked away, he called my name. I looked back over my shoulder to see him beaming the biggest smile, with his arms outstretch, wanting a hug. It was so, so loving for him and I stored it in my heart. 

Cannon: Cannon, Cannon, Cannon. What can be said of the baby that has me wrapped around his finger? His dad & siblings too. Cannon JUST started consistently sleeping through the night about a month ago, at 13 months old. He still has off nights. He is crazy strong willed and loud like no other. He loves playing ball - a yellow tennis ball is like his girlfriend. He loves waffles and blueberry cereal bars. He's starting to say a few words occasionally - uh oh, Dada, the occasional "no", he says "yeah!" all day long. He likes staring out the front door and watching the neighborhood cats and he went from walking to running in about one day. I still hold him like a baby once or twice a day and man, I am so grateful for him. 

Me? My days are norming out more than they ever have in my adult life. Busy weeks and slow weeks are starting to all look the same. I wake up early to be with the Lord and Elias. I get the kids ready for school and then stare into space for a few minutes when Nick takes them. I start really working around 8am and work pretty hard till noon every day while Cannon plays, naps, or I have a nanny. The rest of the afternoon is a flurry of errands, cleaning, Cannon, a little bit of work, picking up kids, neighbors over, working out, cooking, and cleaning some more. I love weekly date nights with my husband, our new church and these amazing relationships I'm developing. I'm completely humbled and feel like I have so much growing to do in my three biggest passions - motherhood, the church, and health + fitness. I keep a candle lit almost all day, I finally found the perfect lipstick for me and I rewear my outfits a few days in a row. 

This is our story. 

It's not perfect, but man are we blessed. 

This is who we are because He is who He is. 

Thanks for letting me share. 

weddings, conferences, and taking it all in.

Tomorrow almost 300 people will gather for the second annual Influence Conference in downtown Indianapolis and our influence leadership team will prepare to host our second conference. There are so many beautiful parts about hosting the conference the second time around, so many pieces of wisdom we just didn’t have that first year.

To be totally honest and transparent, if you were looking for me three hours before check-in began last year, you would’ve found me crying on the floor of the green room. I was excited and thrilled, but also incredibly overwhelmed. Some women walk into a big event or gathering and feel totally at peace and at one with the atmosphere, but if you’re not one of those gals – here are the bits of wisdom I gleaned from my floor crying session last year.

This post is for you Influence attendees and any women with any event coming up that you want to be engaged in, without being overwhelmed by.

Stay at 30,000 feet. This was Hayley’s motto to me last year and I’ve been pumping it into myself and our team for the last 12 months. The drama? The stress? The details that don’t turn out just so? Rise on up above those. Women are emotional beings and I’m all for celebrating that. But sometimes we get straight up bogged down in the emotions and we just need to take a step back, look at the big picture, ask the Lord to help us see things the way He does, and move forward at 30,000 feet. Some tips for doing this: pray big picture prayers, pray for the community at large.  If you witness conversations that are less than life giving to you, just abstain from them and walk away. Take your thoughts captive when it comes to comparison and anything that isn’t life giving.

Be present in the moment. It’s a tricky balance to keep the big picture in mind AND stay in the moment, but it’s really important. Ask the Holy Spirit to make your eyes and ears tuned to what you need to hear, say, do, and go. The weekend will be over in a BLINK and you don’t want to go home wishing you’d been more engaged in a conversation or gone over to meet that one gal. Some tips for doing this: As much as you can, be AT the conference – check in with home when needed, but try to limit major outside conversations, even if it’s just to process what is happening.  Take notice and process with your people when you’re home. Try to go to all the events and sessions. You might need a break once or twice during the weekend, but remember that conference planners have tried to build in margin where needed.

Keep your eyes (and heart) off yourself.  We get it. I get it. You want to look nice and you want to be perceived well and you want to make a good impression. No one is calling you a sellout because you want to look cute. But if you find yourself almost heartsick over how you’re being perceived, put your eyes and hands and heart somewhere else. Serving others (in any capacity) is an awesome quick fix to selfish thinking. Some tips for doing this: Ask the community leaders if they know of anyone who needs some company or prayer, volunteer to serve, or just ask the Lord where He might want you.

I got married over eight years ago, when I was practically just a child-bride, and I have one major regret from my wedding. It isn’t my wedding colors or my vows or anything like that, but the state my heart was in while I was actually walking down the aisle. You know what I was thinking about? Not my handsome groom who was staring at me, not the love and support of my friends and family, but I was genuinely thinking about whether or not I had backfat. Was my back fat showing. Sad, but true.  Also - 20 year old childbride Jessi would faint at the backfat on 29 year old mom of four Jessi .

This event, whether it is Influence or something else altogether, the Lord has orchestrated for your GOOD. He has gone before you and He’ll go behind you. Your job is just to walk forward, in His presence, and soak it all up. Lock your eyes on His and go. It’s gonna be great. 

hope in the morning

The gals behind NSPottery + JessicaNDesigns have been asking a few bloggers

 to share a little about their morning routine and this is mine. 

I'm a hope junkie and for me, mornings are all about hope. 

I'll tell you the truth, by the time I fall asleep at night - I'm not in my best shape. I struggle with second guessing all that I did or said that day and I usually feel a little overwhelmed by the next day's task. The Lord is super near to me at nights and meets me in my weakness, and for that I'm grateful. But mornings are sweet with Him in a whole new way. 

The grace of the day feels fresh and my optimism is usually restored. If I'm going to have a creative idea, it's most likely in the mornings. If I'm going to exercise, it's most likely in the morning. Any writing, real abiding, or peaceful reading time - morning, morning, morning. Man, I love mornings. Here's what mine are looking like in this new season. 

5amish: Cannon wakes up, hopefully for the first time, and I cuddle him and feed him. Truly one of my favorite times of the day UNLESS he's been up at 1am and 3am:)

5:30: head downstairs to fill up my water, take my vitamins, have a cup of coffee or tea and half a Lara Bar. Check email and respond to anything that needs immediate attention. 

6am: go for a run with my friend Kayla or work out. Lately, I'm loving the Holy Yoga audio downloads at The LIttle Way shop. 

7am: wake kids up (seriously so fun after being woken up for years) and handle breakfast, herd my sweet little cats around the house - prodding them to get dressed, brush teeth, do hair. 

7:40: wake up Cannon, change his diaper and take him to the car for Nick to take all kids to school. Walk back in and chuckle at the morning mess. 

8-9am: play with Cannon, make to-do list, start laundry, have a quick morning meeting with Hayley, and pray with Nick for our day, our business, etc. 

9am: Cannon goes down for morning nap and I finally eat breakfast. Sit at my crazy cluttered desk and soak up the hope. 

The more days go by, the more I sense the Lord loving when I hope in Him. 

He wants all my desires and prayers and longings heaped on His lap. 

And I think He loves the mornings. 

Are you a night gal or a morning bird? What's your morning routine like? What are you hoping for these days?

Latte Mug from NSPottery + Coffee Spoon from Jessica N Designs 

don't be a wisher.

Last year, around 200 women gathered in Indianapolis to attend a conference that was just a little baby idea with feet on it. It wasn't grandiose and it wasn't always polished. The leaders weren't quite sure of themselves and though the vision was from the Lord, fleshing it out took patience and trial and error. Could there be a women's conference that didn't water down the gospel at all that also simultaneously equipped women in their strategic efforts of their creative pursuits? Could we speak life to marriages and homes and mothers and coeds who just wanted more of Jesus in their lives and at the same time aid them in their photography, blogging, art, writing, and business? 

I'd like to tell you something else that happened last fall during that conference. Women across the US watched online or heard from their friends or read a recap post and they wished. Wished they'd gone, wished they'd heard of it first, wished they'd been there to lead or learn or grow. I heard from SO many of those women and I understood. I've seen some things happen before that left me as a wisher and not as a participant. 

Well here is my plea to you. If you've needed a push or if you've not yet heard, we want you to be there when we meet in Indianapolis again in a few weeks. Last year we stumbled with the vision and the planning because it was just a baby, our first time around. This year, we are more than comfortable with the vision - we're ignited by it. We're not nervous about greeting you that first night, we cannot wait. Our hearts are so expectant and so eager to look a few hundred women in the eyes and say YOU - God has given YOU influence, right where you are, to make much of Him. 

If you need inspiration 

If you need instruction

If you long for community

If you don't want to waste your online life

If you're worried you're wasting your offline life

If you need life spoken into your creativity

If you need to learn how to speak life to others

If you wonder how to make your dreams happen

If you need someone to help you dream again

If you need a plan

If your plan has failed

If you want to be led and encouraged

If you're ready to lead

If you really wanted to be there last year

If you know you're supposed to be there this year. 

Don't be a wisher, ladies. Act quick, take a step of faith, ask the Lord to provide a way, ask the community to pray for a way. There are a limited number of spaces left. Come meet us for The Influence Conference 2013. 

We want you there. 

life lately in grace

Life lately is filled with loud kids who are prepping for the biggest change their little lives have ever seen. They are excited and wound up and a little nervous and excited about starting school this week. In these last few days, we are squeezing every last drop of summer and having them full time. Last trips to the beach, movie dates with dad, and falling asleep in the parents room are all happening. And we're loving it.  

Life lately is gathering with community once again. Those first few weeks in Charleston were so different. Lots of people visiting, but no permanent community. As our friends from Fort Wayne have begun to move for the church and as the Lord has brought new friends, there is such much comfort for us in community. I love seeing my sink full of dishes and my driveway full of cars. Says the introverted community lover. 

Life lately is kissing the side of a baby's neck and laying beside him as he practices crawling. Cannon is still such a happy baby except for when it comes to eating (we can NEVER feed him fast enough) or sleeping (who likes to sleep?), but otherwise he is really the joy of our family. 

Life lately is all jumbled in a sweet and sticky way. Small business talk bleeds into church talk and intense marriage conversations are had while buying school supplies. Guests come and go and plan are always changing, but the Lord has us where He wants us and for that -- we praise Him. 

What's your life like lately? 

help my forehead.

A few months ago, I tried to grow my bangs out because, well - I just needed a haircut and didn't know what to do with them.

Now that they're pretty grown out, I still don't know what to do with that flop of hair so it just lives in a bobby pin all the time.

(also, excuse the crazy eyes)

So, bangs need to come again.

But WHAT KIND? There are so many varieties.

please vote, ok? I'll actually care what you say - promise.

Choice A: semi safe, thinner, with a definitive part.

Choice B: messy and thick, maybe a little too edgy?

Choice C: what I would do if I was really brave.

But what do you do when you workout?

Choice D: supersafe & what I had for most of college.

Choice E: because I couldn't help myself.

Hurry, my forehead needs you! Dress her! And, I'm running out of bobby pins.

turning it around

This will be super quick. I've got two kids napping, a pile of fresh laundry, and a bible sitting beside me. 

So I'm wondering - how do you do a quick turn around when you're having a rough day? 

I woke up this morning feeling like I could actually conquer the world. I almost wrote a blog during breakfast to say, 

"la-la-la-la all is right with the world! ministry is doing good, marriage is good!, my son just asked to pray with me, potty training is easier than I ever imagined, and our new nanny is coming to take care of elias so I can get stuff done around the house for two hours! 

HURRAH FOR ME!" 

Thank you Jesus for keeping me from writing that blog, because I would have been annoyed with myself only moments later. During the next two hours, we had THREE potty accidents (which is as many as we've had in about five days and which kind of negates the help I'm getting from said nanny when I'm constantly running up and down the stairs to get fresh manpants and jeans) and while I was able to get a lot accomplished, I just felt ugh - yuck. I had to literally keep counting in my head to make my stress level go down, I could feel my blood just pulsing. 

Ministry has been a mess the last week or two, if you've been reading Lauren's blog - you've probably been worried for our safety, or at least our sanity. Well, last night the two of us were walking and talking and praying and we felt the tide turning. After some prayer, we had one of the most productive meetings we've ever had with the girls and just felt ahhhh.... good. Today we've been lied to and annoyed and it just feels like one step forward, six steps back. We have another interview at 5pm, and I want to look at that girl with love and mercy and acceptance - not doubt & fear. 

So here's my plan of attack - 

I'm going to drink a big bottle of water. 

I'm going to read psalm 16, because for whatever reason - it's doing my heart good these days. 

I'm going to fold this laundry so it doesn't get crinkled and so we have more big boy manpants for my little boy to wear when we he wakes up. 

Tonight, when the kids are asleep I'm going to do biggest loser yoga because it is hard and makes me sweat and makes me feel productive. 

I will watch the Bachelor & read Leigh's post on it to make myself laugh. 

Tonight I'm going to snuggle with my husband and hear how his day was, 

NOT cry to him about mine. Loving on him always makes me feel good. 

Also - when he expects me to cry & I smile, he is proud and I LOVE making him proud. 

ok, what would you do? what do you do when it all goes south too quickly? 

one --------- away

I always tell Nick I'm one ----- away from being a fair mom.
By being a fair mom, I mean the ones you see at the state fair with six dirty kids trailing behind her, more rolls on her body than kids, and the same pair of sweat pants she's had on since 1993. But really - it's not her physical appearance that is most daunting - it's her harsh tone and the extremely pissed off looks she is shooting her husband. Now, I mean no particular offense to the fair mom. It works for her, but I'm trying to avoid that fate. Not only for my sake, but for Nick's.

Today I've been in a yucky place, listing all the ways of how close I am.
If I go one more week without a good workout, eat one more skinny cow, rip one more pair of jeans, lose one more night of sleep. She's inside of me, but I'm determined not to let her get out. In my heart of hearts I do believe it is possible to raise the amount of kids the Lord calls us to, affectively minister where we are at, and still work hard to remain lovely or attractive for one another and in the end, pretty much still enjoy each other's company in Jesus' name. Amen.

Anyhow - I'm trying to list my other "I'm one ----- away's" for positivity sake. So hear it goes.
- I'm one night away from sleeping through the night. For real. (it COULD happen)
- I'm one short brisk walk outside from feeling refreshed. (check)
- I'm one encouraging email away from feeling well - encouraged. (check - Thanks Mrs. Vaughn)
- I'm one click away from some beautiful pictures.
- I'm one piece of Lauren's double chocolate banana cake away from bliss.
- I'm one webcam session away from family.
- and lastly... I'm one coffee date with my husband away from a little more peace.

5:00am Hear Glory peeping, go stuff her passy in, come back to bed.
Cuddle up behind hot husband and thank Jesus for him.
6:45am Hear Glory again, stay in bed to make her bottle while aforementioned hot husband goes to get her
6:47 - 7:45am Lie in bed with Glory girl, record all the project runways coming on today, watch True Hollywood Story a/b Britney Spears & pray my little head off for her. Laugh at Glory, a lot.
7:45am Finally get out of bed and start getting dressed. Throw some curlers in my hair to contain frizz. Watch the little lamb play with Daddy in bed. Continue watching Britney Spears.
8:05am Go in to respond to the screaming boy toddler and dress both babes.
8:30am Whip up some banana pancakes and feel truly pleased with myself when husband says, "what happened to you last night? you just woke up raring to go!"
9:15-10:45 Play with babes, mop floor, talk to preggos, schedule week, plan chores, eat breakfast and share half of it with Elias, the begger
11:00-noon Walk around farmers market disappointed that no one takes Visa
12:00-1:10 Feed kids, husband feeds me, finish making special banana-smoothie baby food for the lamby. Discipline the big one, and the do some laughing.
1:15 Babes napping
1:25 Phone call with Marilee. Love that she starts it out with, "OH MY GOSH - how are you?"
1:55 Collapse on the bed to write a blog and praise God for this life I don't deserve.

exhausted

Ugh - I hate when people I love forget to blog all week & I don't feel updated. But I haven't blogged since Monday and I still don't feel like it. Life is steamrolling me & I'm trying to love it. Work has been absolutely psycho - trying to wrap everything up. My boss already hired my replacement & I start training her next week. I honestly think she'll be much better at my job than I am, and I'm sure her attitude will be MUCH better than mine has been this week.

Nick's job isn't even having him finish out his two week notice, so tomorrow is his last day. I'm slightly jealous. The buyer of our house moved up the closing to the 11th of December, and while that's nerve-wracking (considering we won't be in Puyallup until the 2nd of January), we're just believing God has some exciting purpose behind that.

Anyhoo... it's the weekend now - which is only the greatest thing ever. Tomorrow I have mommy small group, lunch with Kal & Stace, and girl's night at my house while Nick is in his last weekend class! Saturday morning is going to bring some Rachel Merchand/Elias/Jessi/possibly Angela time - and that couldn't be more fun.

Okay... I'm done. I have a nice pinched nerve in my upper back, a dirty house, a husband's paper to read over, & some serious sleep to get. Love.