My Before Heart

This is the third post in a series about my journey with Revelation Wellness. 

The last time I blogged about the journey I'm on with Revelation Wellness, I talked about being humbled and hopeful enough to take a "before" picture. It was a little scary putting a picture of myself, unedited, in not the most flattering clothes or lighting on the internet for all to see - but it was also refreshing to be honest and real about where I'm at. It got me thinking - I really wish I could give an adequate "before picture" of my heart at the start of this process. Maybe for some of you it would be really familiar and maybe for some of you it would be shockingly disturbing, I'm not quite sure. 

I had a few people email, text, or comment after that post and say - "you know you're not seriously obese, right?" and I get it. I've always known that the really serious issue with my health and my heart as it pertains to weight has never been the number on the scale - but the state of my spiritual and emotional health. It was that reality, my heart reality, that made me reach out to Alisa to get help in the first place, not my weight or my frustration over not being a certain size. 

Without trying to sound too dramatic or being an intense Debbie Downer on a Thursday morning - can I just tell you guys, my heart before picture was really really bad? I'm 29 now, but this is an internal battle I've been fighting for LITERALLY as long as I can imagine. My earliest, earliest memory of relating to my body is of genuinely hating it. My major life occurrences and celebrations are dotted and lined with the memory of what size I was or how I felt about my body that day. My strongest memory from my wedding? Not having my eyes locked with my husband as I walked down the aisle, but genuinely questioning whether or not my back looked fat those sitting in the pews. My body, or my feelings about my body, have given me social anxiety and have led to insecurity that hurt my relationships. These thoughts and issues have affected my intimacy with my husband, my freedom to play with my kids, and they've dulled my passion to minister to other women. 

My hatred for my body was at an all time high a month or so ago, even though my body weight wasn't. Maybe you're thinking that's incredibly sad (you're right) or maybe that sounds incredibly familiar (I'm sorry). 

Well, here's the good news gals. That was my before picture. And it's one that is literally never coming back. Two days into my study with Revelation Wellness, I had more freedom than I'd ever had. A week in, I was starting to feel like a new woman. Yesterday, at the start of my fourth week - I found myself standing in front of the mirror, praising God for my stretch marks and the parts of my body that would've left me in tears a few weeks ago. I kept laughing through happy tears and wondering, "who is this girl? where is this coming from?". 

I'm not sure who this girl is, but I know who my faithful God is. He is the One who is not satisfied with the before picture. He is the One who says that if we seek Him, He will be found. He is the One who says that it is for freedom that He sent His Son to free us. He's really the One doing the work and I am so incredibly grateful. And I'll just keep telling the story. 

If you can relate to my before heart picture, I cannot suggest spending some time on the Revelation Wellness site enough. Be encouraged by Alisa, try an at-home program, watch a few free videos. Don't stay in the before. Hope for the after. 

Inspiring Women Vol. 1 - Natalie

via Getty Images 

Ladies, can I just say thank you so much for taking the time to fill out the survey last week? We had five times the number of responses that I hoped for and it was such a blessing to be able to use those as we pray and cast some vision over what Naptime Diaries will look like in the coming months. We heard a few things loud and clear: more biblical reflection, more family, more real life, and more inspiring women. I'll be sharing the results + future plans more next week, but I thought I'd start with a segment I had planned for a while now - Women to be Inspired By. 

Over the next year, I'll be highlighting and interviewing a few women who really, really inspire me for various reasons from various stages of life. Some are great bloggers, some are amazing mamas, some pastor's wives, some artists, so on and so forth. Today is a really special day because we're highlighting Natalie from The Busy Budgeting Mama AND we're also having a fundraising day in the shop for Natalie and her family today. Go ahead and read her interview and see below for fundraising details! 

A little more about Natalie: I lost my best friend through a violent act of domestic violence. It rocked my world and my faith. I have shared on my blog my experience with learning to grieve. I wrote a children's book called Mommy Has an Angel. It's a children's book for grieving mothers. 

I recently faced health issues that really were a cross for our family. After all the suffering from the pain and scariness of the unkown they were able to determine the cause and even discover, just by chance, (because of all the testing) a cyst that was precancerous and could have killed me years down the road. I'm home recovering now and so blessed by the support of my family, friends and complete strangers! It's been a very emotional and scary time but my faith has never been stronger. I had different experiences in my long hospital stay that convinced me of the power of prayer and that God had a plan for all of us! HE sees the big picture.

1. What does a typical day in your life look like? 

We just moved to Charlotte, from Pittsburgh, so our daily life is a bit different! We really felt called to be in Charlotte and took a leap of faith that it was the time and place for us to do this. This decision to move, and be closer to my family and to grow our business HAPPY MOMMY BOX here in Charlotte, was made before my health issues happened... So how we get down here was a bit more hectic than planned, but we are here, and feel such peace and are just trusting in God! Because of my surgery I'm not able to do much physically but am getting stronger every day. My mom and husband have done so much of the baby lifting and grunt work. But my "typical" days are slowly coming back!  

I'm a total night person, so of course I was blessed with children who like to wake up before the sun, just to help get me to heaven. We feed the crew breakfast and immediately we are asked when lunch is. My mom is homeschooling my nephew and my oldest daughter so while she schools the big kids, I mix blog and business work with playing with my two younger ones. Lots of coloring and taste testing of play food. Some days they play quietly and are busy little bees and I can zoom through the morning knocking off my to-do-list. Other mornings, I just have to give up until everyone is napping. We do a 10:00 snack that is never forgotten by our little snackers. (we have countdowns. They think about ten o'clock snack at bed time the night before.) We are all about trail mix and gold fish in this house. Nap time is my go-time as far as work. If you are wanting a visual of my style during this exciting day.. yoga pants and messy hair in a bun. Most days I put some make up on...it makes me feel alive and I prefer to not scare anyone who comes to our door. If I'm losing my mind being indoors, we used to go out to a park.....or Target and IKEA. 

I can't wait to have more energy to do that with the littles, but we are easing back into that! Once we survive the 50/50 post nap melt downs (you never know) we power through till dinner and bed with playing and working. I kind of want to add in something glamorous and crafty like I style a photo shoot and do some quilting... but these days, we are in survival mode and we all kind of do a cheer when we get to bed time. I usually do some work in the evening and catch up on e-mails. My husband and I love watching netflix and texting each other in emoji language.

2. What inspires you to do all that you do?

I guess I just feel this sense of appreciation for the time that I have here on earth. I lost my best friend through an act of domestic violence.. She was a beautiful daughter mother sister best friend.. and It really engrained in me that we really don't know how long we have here to do the work that God wants us to do. I've always known from when I was a little girl that God had a plan for my life. He inspires me. He's given me souls I'm supposed to reach, I pray for them every night. and It makes me want to be open to be His instrument in every area of my life.... the mom and wife tasks and my blog and business tasks!

3. When you hit resistance, that feeling that you don't want to keep going for whatever reason, what helps you push through?

Oh yes. We all have those moments we want to text our husband  a slew of scary emoji faces followed with "can you bring me home a mocha frap before I lose my mind with these kids??" But it's in those moments I try to step back and think about WHY I'm doing what I'm doing. A lot of the time I am VERY guilty of overloading myself. I've learned that there is a thing called prioritizing. And that if you take a step back and make a list... marking down what is urgent or really important, followed by things that you WANT to do or would be NICE to do...it helps you feel more capable and you can make a plan to actually accomplish these things that are making you angry text your husband haha. (lovingly)

4. What do you wish your followers/blog readers most knew about you and your life? 

I know I would NOT want them to know that I make microwaved s'mores more than a normal person should. Thank you whoever invented the microwave. and smores. But seriously......... I guess I would want them to know that I love the Lord. I'm married to a man and a mom to three kids and my goal is to get them to heaven. I love to be creative and celebrate motherhood. I love to dream big and hate to do laundry. I have had sufferings in my life, like so many of us, but have held onto the words my mom told me when I was a little girl, "Don't waste a single tear, offer it up for the souls that need it."

5. What is one suggestion you have for women who have an idea, business, dream, or passion that they want to pursue and they're not sure where to start?

Go buy a pretty binder and then find the pens that you hid from your kids. 

Start writing ideas!! Don't be afraid to dream big. My mom was always a list maker...so I get that from her. Make a list of tasks that you think you need to do to accomplish the idea, business, dream or passion you want to make happen! If you have a final idea of what you want to accomplish...think about the steps you concretely need to do to make that happen. I don't really work slow....I'm known for having an idea and then buying the domain that night haha. I haven't always chosen to do the projects I dream up, but I've always written them down to get them out of my head! It helps to make some first steps to get the ball rolling and help make things happen! And share your ideas with people who inspire and encourage you.... getting their feedback and their expertise!

As you might know, about once a month we dedicate a day in the shop and "fundraise" for a particular organization, cause, trip, or family. This month we approached Natalie and her family and asked them if we could raise money for them. You may or may not have followed Natalie's most recent health struggles and hospital stay, but you can read more here. Today, every single penny of profits from sales in our shop will go straight to Natalie & her husband to help pay off hospital bills and all the other expenses. 

You can follow Natalie on her blog, instagram, twitter, and facebook! 

Head over to Naptime Diaries Shop now, love on the Lesnefsky family and grab some scripture for your home! 

my humbled & hopeful before picture

This is the second post in a series about the weight loss/transformation 

plan I'm doing through Revelation Wellness - Weigh Less to Feed More. 

I've been craving that before and after picture. Occasionally bloggers I love will post one on instagram and I'm just inspired and floored. A few weeks ago, when Stephanie "Honey Holden" posted a before + after picture from her wellness journey, I immediately messaged her and just told her how inspired I was by her. I'd see those pictures and just hope, pray, hope - that one day I could have a before & after picture. But there was one major problem. I wasn't willing to have a "before". 

I told Alisa, I'm not sure what led me to breaking down and emailing her and I don't even super remember doing it. I sort of knew in the back of my head that I'd be seeing her at Jesus at the Core later that month, but it was definitely an impulse decision. Now, a few weeks later - I have a a few of her incredible teachings under my belt. I have her daily accountability and the workbooks on my desk that I'm pouring over every chance I get. And sure enough, this past weekend, I got to meet her sweet self (and pick her up! - see pic below) at Jesus at the Core. The event in and of itself was so incredibly life giving. Alisa, along with Brooke Boon of Holy Yoga (and their amazing team of helpers) spoke so much truth over us as we moved our bodies and the Lord moved in our hearts. But you know what was the predominant feeling I had? I was crazy humbled. 

I've gained and lost over 50 pounds twice since I was 18. I've read more vegan cookbooks and articles on metabolism than I could count. I have studied nutrition and stood on the scale, but still - this is where I am. My heart, is kind of a mess as it relates to body image. My body, is out of shape and not where it once has been. I need wisdom. I need leading. I need the Lord. 

I'm two weeks in and I'll tell you this - the Lord is showing up. I am truly walking in new found freedom as it relates to some serious food addictions I had. I am starting to agree with the Lord that He will, He IS, doing a new thing and He is growing me. I'm seeing fruit as it pertains to my body and what it is able to do. But a few weeks ago? I knew what I needed to do - I needed to take a before picture. I needed to admit that I needed help. So, even though she never asked for it, I took one and sent it to Alisa. I told her - this is my before picture that I've never wanted to take. Instead of hiding and never growing, I want to be humbled and hopeful. 

And now I can even share it on the internet with joy. 

No funky camera angles or instagram filters. No flattering outfits or makeup to distract you. 

This was me a few weeks ago, and by God's grace I'll never be that girl again because as my body is growing and finding freedom, my heart is leaping ahead - never looking back. 

In hope. 

In humility. 

Because it is for freedom that we've been set free. 

If you're looking for freedom as it pertains to health + wellness, I can't suggest checking out Revelation Wellness enough. Alisa has at home programs, online programs, videos, and so much more. She is all about Jesus and she is out for freedom for women. 

A Special Day + Guest Post from Lauren

Hey guys, below is a guest post from a gal who has my heart. Meet Lauren, a blogger and mama who has lived through some serious heartache. I'm so grateful to have her sharing on this day specifically & she'll get to tell you why.

Today is a very special day for our family.  Today is Trisomy 18 Awareness Day.  March 18th marks this special day because the date represents what Trisomy 18 is.  The date of 3/18, describes this syndrome because Trisomy 18 means there are 3 of the 18th chromosome.

Before 2013, I never thought about trisomies or genetic disorders.  Ever.  I took a genetics class in college and remember learning about trisomies and other genetic syndromes.  I remember learning about Trisomy 21, or Down Syndrome, and thinking that it would be hard to have a child with it.  Then I vaguely remember learning about a few genetic disorders and my professor off-hand saying they were bad news and always fatal.  I ever so vaguely remember thinking how awful that is and that would be the worst.  Never thought about it again after my sophomore year of college.  Until last year.

Trisomy 18 [T18], also known as Edwards Syndrome, is the presence of an extra 18th chromosome, and it is a fatal chromosomal syndrome.  Our second son, Gabriel, had T18.  And that is why I am sharing about the syndrome on this day.  I want to raise awareness of T18, but mostly, I just want to share our Gabriel's story.  It's a powerful story and one worthy of sharing.  One that is laced with God's power, His will, His love, His grace, and how He redeems.  Our lives are being transformed from ashes into beauty because of the work God is doing in our lives through our precious baby.

Here's a little more of our story.  I was 20 weeks pregnant with our second child, and we were really excited to find out the gender - hoping for another boy!  My husband and I went to that appointment which started normal.  It got awkward but I didn't think too much about it until the ultrasound tech told us there were some problems.  The OB who we had never seen before, and never saw again, was caught by surprise by what he was seeing.  He told us there were problems with the heart, brain, and stomach, and they thought there was for sure some Down's Syndrome in there.  When we asked him how bad it was, he told us we should consider terminating.  We never considered it.  The next day we saw the perinatologists and genetic counselor who told us after a two and half hour ultrasound that they thought our baby had Trisomy 18.  We didn't know what it was.  When I told the genetic counselor I had never heard of it, she said "that's because it's known as the fatal syndrome."  With those words, we broke down.  How could our baby die?  It made no sense and hit us harder than we've ever been hit.

We went home to process it.  We shared the news and decided to share our story with others.  And the work God did through our precious baby G was and continues to be amazing.  Our lives have been forever changed.  We are a family of 4 with only 3 of us here together.  We are a broken family who misses our 4th Morgan.  We are a family who visits the cemetery all the time, appreciating the beauty in our picture of brokenness.  We are a family who talks about death and loss and Heaven with our two year old frequently.  We are also a family who is being healed by our Healer.  A family who has seen glimpses of God that we could never have imagined seeing.  A family who has been bathed in grace.

While losing our son has been the worst part of our lives, being his parents has been the richest blessing.  Our sweet G has touched more lives and spread God's message of hope further than my husband or I ever could have.  Walking through 2013 was horrible, but it was also a privilege.  So on this day, I want to encourage you.  If you are a woman who has experienced a loss -- a miscarriage, perinatal, or infant loss -- know that you are not alone.  Know that you are loved and that there are other women who have walked this path and survived it.  Know that God walks each step with you.  And above all, I pray you know the hope that we have in Christ, for it is what fuels us to face each back-breaking day.

If you or someone you know can relate to this, I would love to connect!  Please let's talk and share the bond we have.  If you are a woman who wants to know how to support a friend through this -- be there.  Love on them, do things for them without them asking.  Just show up.  And if you are a woman who has never experienced this before, thank you for reading my story.  

You can read more about Gabriel on my blog and can always find me by email at laurengmorgan@gmail.com  

Jessi, thank you so much for allowing me to be in your space today to share what is the deepest passion in my heart.  Your love and support to me over the past year has been remarkable, and I am always thankful for you!  

why is it easier to worship in the dark?

photo by Hannah Arnold - Visions Photography

This Sunday will be our third monthly church service of our church plant, Gospel Community. It's been such a joy to see the church and the community grow and gain steam, and our services have been like sweet little markers so far - gatherings to really physically see what God is up to. 

The building we meet in is also our kid's school and it's beautiful and new and the room where we have worship has light pouring in, just pouring in through the windows. I noticed this past service, I was having a really, really hard time just letting go and singing to the Lord. Sure, there are still a good amount of jitters and nervousness there as it pertains to being the pastor's wife - but I was just having a hard time really getting genuine as the music played and the songs were sung. 

I thought back to two months ago, when it was just us - in our living room - lights off and loud music playing. Worshipping, praying, intimate, and honest. And I realize - I tend to worship better in the dark. My favorite time of day is the morning when it's dark and still and I grab my Bible and hit the cool spot on the sofa and get real with Jesus. Just me and Him. I can write crazy things or murmur like a madwoman. I can get up and sway around my living room and pour out my heart. And what happens in the dark is good and beautiful and I never want to lose it. 

And then I think about heaven. How it will be intimate and personal, but also most of the descriptions I see in God's Word are very corporate. Very together. Very lights on. I think of what happens when I'm in corporate worship and get a glimpse of my husband worshipping, my sister, or that gal who I knew is in the midst of a trial. Some wild fire bubbles up inside of me and I believe in Him more. I believe that He is good and He is working because I see it in their lifted hands and their earnest faces. 

So today, this week, I'm pressing in and trying to worship in the light. 
I'll keep doing it in the dark because that is what is real and intimate for me, but I know doing it in the light is good for all of us too. 

let's talk about it.

I emailed Alisa from Revelation Wellness in a fury before I changed my mind. 
I'd been looking over her website for weeks, knew I was going to meet her at the Jesus at the Core event, and I just had to bite the bullet and ask for her help. 

I started blogging over seven years ago because it was such a sweet place to process the tender parts of my heart. I could write and process and then also share what the Lord was doing, in the hopes that other women would be encouraged. Over time I found what I think a lot of bloggers find out - it gets harder and harder to talk about the REALLY tender parts, because then the whole world knows and you feel exposed and it's just not a great way to feel. And that was my story with blogging about food, weight loss, body image, etc. I talked a little bit about it after having Cannon, but mostly I realized I had nothing to say. Nothing has changed in my body and very little has changed in my heart after a year of having our fourth baby. I haven't lost a pound (and kept it off) and I haven't lost the icky feeling that I don't recognize this body I live in. 

I had my first meeting with Alisa this past week and I sat on my office floor and answered her biggest question, "What made you email? What's gotten you to this place?". And that's the only thing I have to share right now. The tender part of my heart that I want to offer up in hopes that it will be encouraging and life giving and a soft place for someone to land today. 

I have experienced freedom - first hand and I've seen it with my eyes in others. There are parts of my heart and life that I thought would always feel broken or busted, and the Lord has poured out His spirit on them and made them new and fresh and better than ok. I know freedom, because I know Jesus. But I do not walk in freedom as it pertains to my body and my health. I feel insecure about being seen, having my picture taken, and basically getting dressed. And my head is tired from the back and forth of believing lies and fighting lies, believing lies and fighting them again. 

I know that it is for freedom that Christ has set me free and I know that freedom is already here. I am ready to walk in it, to put some tools in my tool belt and have someone wiser than me speak into my heart and life and diet and fitness. I have experienced freedom and I am ready to experience it in this area too. 

Will y'all stick around as I get tender once again? 
I know I'm not the only one who is tired and longing for the abundant life He already has for us. 

A note on what I'm talking about:

Alisa Keeton is the founder of Revelation Wellness and I'm currently enrolled in her Weigh Less to Feed More program.  My plan is to show up & be honest about what is going on in my heart, but if you're looking for real wisdom and inspiration on body/weight/image freedom - I highly suggest following Alisa as she follows Jesus.  

And if you're local - I'd love to see you at the Jesus at the Core event next week!  Brooke Boon from Holy Yoga will be there as well as Alisa from Revelation Wellness. 

And me. And I can't wait. 

The first day of Lent: it's not about points

It's the first day of Lent, and as it's been a big fuss for our family and business this year - I want to take some time to blog though the heart-thoughts and prayers that have made us so passionate about this season. 

Today's the kickoff and wherever you go today, you're bound to hear someone talk about what they're giving up or what they're putting on. Maybe you're giving up chocolate or coffee or both. Maybe you're limiting your TV watching or social media consumption. These things are beautiful and good and I love that Lent is rooted in rhythms of self-denial so that we can become more like Jesus. 

But the most important thing I'm reminding myself today is that Lent is not about points, it's about walking. It's not about doing something better or executing the Christian life in a more tidy manner. The entire point of Easter (and thus Lent) is us celebrating that the work has already been done for us, on the cross. We have been made righteous by the blood of Jesus and no amount of tidying our lives will make us more holy in our Father's eyes. 

The work has been done. The sacrifices have been made. We are not earning points. We are just walking closer. And picking up rhythms that help us to get quiet, draw near, and talk with our Father in this special season. And I'm preaching to myself. 

If you haven't gotten one of our 40 days with Jesus reflective journals, you can still get them here. They're undated & don't say the word Lent so you can start tomorrow or a year from now and you'll be right on track. So excited to walk through this season with y'all. 

who is coming behind you

I'm in an interesting position because I'm in the middle of the road. There are some areas of my life where I'm just starting a long trek - church planting, raising KIDS, writing, speaking, and living an overall healthy life. There are other areas where I've been walking for a few years - blogging, motherhood in general, marriage, and having a relationship with Jesus. I'm rounding the corner to thirty so there's really nothing in my life I'd consider myself an expert in, but there are things I feel more seasoned in than others. 

One thing I've noticed about women in Christian culture is the way we respond when we're a few steps ahead of someone. There are always exceptions to the rule, but I feel like we are very quick to warn, caution, or even straight up frighten the women who are coming behind us. It's the baby shower syndrome, you know? Or even the wedding shower syndrome these days. You know the scene I'm talking about - some sweet gal with a swollen belly or heart full of romantic dreams is sitting in the middle of the room and suddenly the conversation takes a scary turn. 

"oh just you wait - you're in for a wild ride."
"when you have two kids, you'll understand."
"it's fun for a little bit, until the honeymoon is over."
"enjoy these last days of freedom!"
"these are going to be the hardest years of your life - but they'll be rewarding."

I've been that girl. I've been both girls, really. I've been the scared one opening the gifts and I'm ashamed to say I've been the one trying to warn the sweet lady with all the hopes and dreams. Ladies, WHY do we do this? I'm sensitive to it now because here I am, at the beginning of so many different new walks and I'm noticing the words women have for me. Some beautiful women in my life have used my fresh naivety to speak wild hope into me and it has forever changed the way I want to encourage those who are coming behind me. 

The fact is - someone is behind you somewhere and someone is watching you. Whether it's in motherhood, marriage, ministry, work, your walk with the Lord, or even just the way you dress - someone is behind you, following you as you follow Jesus. And they are holding their breaths waiting for you to turn around and tell them, 

"It's going to be ok. It's going to be great."
"You can do this. Jesus in you is strong, even when you feel weak."
"It might feel hard - but He has equipped you and He will work in you."
"I'll be there for you, every step of the way."
"The best is yet to come."

Who is coming behind you and how can you encourage them? I'm starting with me, refusing to be the ominous lady at the shower - scaring the one who is opening the gift and looking to me with hopeful eyes. 

Let's be the ones, at the end of the road, who are saying, 
"I knew you could do it. 
I knew Christ in you was more than enough." 

let's get to the heart of it

For me, March feels like a good time to circle the wagons and get back to the heart of what's at hand. If you're a goal-setter or a plan-maker, you probably spent January and February taking steps forward and making things happen. Maybe some went well, maybe you feel like you're back to square one on other things. I have areas where I set goals and saw great fruit, and I feel like I had some plans or ideas that have needed restructuring or more heart-work. 

When we set out to make our Naptime Diaries Shop plans for the year, we set March as a catch up month. We obviously will still sell prints and run our shop, but we're not releasing anything new and we don't have any big projects planned. Our major goals? Clean + reorganize the office spaces (more on that next week), stabilize our rhythms as a business, freshen up our websites, and get back to the heart of why we do what we do. 

Scripture is crazy important to us. Knowing that people are reading, absorbing, learning, and being blessed by God's Word is the most important thing. It's a blessing to us that we get to do it creatively, in a way that hopefully is incredibly inspiring to people. So this month we're circling the wagons and getting back to doing what we do: working to get scripture in as many homes as possible, in the most creative + inspiring ways possible! And I thought I'd let you guys in on a little bit of that process this month. 

First up, we try to start most seasons or print releases with a mood board. For winter 2014, I was feeling crazy uninspired so my great gal Hayley at The Tiny Twig made a moodboard FOR us, which was a huge blessing. As we prep to release a spring/summer line of prints and as I design for the blog and style photos for social media + promotions, I'll try to rely heavily on the following moodboard! It's inspired by summers on the East Coast & West Coast and COLOR. When I made this moodboard I was thinking about picnics on the side of the Atlantic Ocean, afternoons painting with my kids, jeweltones, hiking in the pacific northwest, waking up in a cushy + classic bedroom, or taking naps in an eclectic bohemian bedroom. It might sound disjointed and crazy to you, but to me it all fits! 

Clockwise from the top: House of Rym blanket, one of my instagram pictures, Yolanda Sanchez painting, Nena & Co bag, Whitlock & Co pillow, driftwood shelf, sailing picture, pacific northwest,
bedroom inspiration, one of my instagrams of ocean

The next thing I did for this season was really get visual and specific about the homes we design for. I always tell small business owners they should KNOW their customer and bloggers that they should KNOW their reader. Where do they read your blog? What are they typically wearing? When they use your product, where is it in their house? When I worked at Anthropologie, I thought one of the wisest things they did as a company was name the lady they were designing + merchandising for each season. Each collection of clothing had a name, she had a whole story, a personality, a job, and we knew what her family was like. It was all imaginary - but it helped the company be intentional about their customer, their branding, etc. 

So I try to do the same and be intentional about who I'm designing for and what she'd like on her walls. While I like the customers that don't fit the mold and still love our product, here are some of the homes + ladies I tend to keep in mind when making our prints. You might recognize a few of these gals! 

A. This picture is straight from the home of Erin over at Blue Eyed Bride. Erin is a blogger & a sweet friend of mine. I haven't been to her new house (though I'd sure like to go), but I picture it classically decorated with a youthful flair. 

B. Next up, I love this picture of Jessica from Jessica N Designs sitting near her Ephesians 4:2 print. Jessica is a young mom, an entrepreneur like me, and when I see pictures of her home or studio - it looks really eclectic and bright. 

C. One of my favorite houses I've ever hung out in is my friend Ellen's. It's a crazy beautiful mix of traditional, creative, bohemian, comfortable, and on trend. It's the kind of house where you feel like you can put your shoes on the couch and talk for an hour - but you also look around and think, "I want to go home and do THAT in my house." Ellen was one of my first handmade business friends and I still design with her in mind - would Ellen want this? 

D. I've followed Promise Tangeman for years online and she is one of the most inspiring + creative ladies I know. When I see glimpses of her house on instagram or her blog, I take note. She seems to be edgy in her home decor, while also really organized and tidy. I definitely think of homes like hers when I design. 

E. Lastly, I try to watch women who are most definitely taste-makers like Whitney English. Whitney has impeccable style & is an amazing designer. Her home decor is really classic, but super timeless. I love some edgy, bohemian home style - but I still want our prints to be traditional enough to fit in a home like Whitney's. 

But again - the heart of it is the heart of it. 
No matter how people's homes look, our desire is to provide inspirational art that reminds people of God's Word and encourages them in their days. 

What's on your plate for March? We'd love to hear. 
And do you have a space you'd like us to keep in mind when making our prints?
Tell us about it! 

Let's rebuild a school together.

Remember that $10,000 that Annie Downs was raising for the New Dawn School in Kenya? Remember how we are planning on going and visiting the school and blogging about it? Well - the good news is that the $10,000 is RAISED, the even better news is that we can keep raising money! 

Today, 100% of the profits from sales in our shop go towards the New Dawn school - all the extras needed, supplies, extra money in the budget, etc! Go head over to the shop or check out more about the purpose project for the New Dawn school here. 

Two Important Announcements!

Today's a big day in the Naptime Diaries Shop for two reasons! 
1. It's the last day to order one of our 40 day undated reflected journal in time for pre-Lent delivery. You don't HAVE to do the journal only for Lent, but that's what we'll be using it for and we'd love to have you join us. At this point we have hundreds of friends who will be joining us, if you'd like to as well - make sure your order your Lent journal by 5pm EST

2. Our March printable is in the shop! This month's printable is still only $5 but it comes with a monthly calendar, weekly planner, two notecards, phone + laptop wallpapers, 4 scripture memory cards, two 8x10 prints, and a sheet for writing notes/to-do list. It's one of my most favorite so far! 

Hope you all are having an amazing Wednesday! 

One week till Lent! 

It doesn't have to have a point.

Nick and I ran away this past weekend, for about 36 hours to Asheville, North Carolina.  His birthday had been a few days before our first church service and Valentines day was a few days before our second service, so both were pretty overshadowed by what was going on in our lives and it had been awhile since we'd just been alone and quiet together. We're both what I call "fake introverts" - meaning we're people-people and like to talk and host people, but on the inside we're pretty intense introverts and need alone time fairly regularly. And we have four kids and we're planting a church and run online businesses, so if we don't run away to Asheville or somewhere else occasionally - we might implode. 

The first twenty or so minutes of the drive, we held hands and REALLY talked. We talked about our wishes for the coming 36 hours and agreed, we wanted to be together, we wanted to hike & read, and we didn't want the trip to have a point. 

We're producers, him and I. It's not a beautiful part of our hearts and lately, we're feeling less proud of our ability to get things done and more convicted of our need to let things go. This hasn't always been our story. If you had a serious talk with our friends from five or six years ago, they'd tell you, we were a (beautiful) mess back then. We could barely take care of ourselves and we lived the life of the younger brother in the story of the prodigal son. Always in trouble, seemingly a mess, in serious need of help. 

But time and small business and God's growth has changed us, and here we find ourselves - absolutely living the life of the older brother. Putting in the hours and trying to do x, y, and z and making sure that every single part of our day is intentional and has. a. point. I try to combine eating with other activities and I have lists upon lists upon lists. We are goal setters, dreamers, and doers. I don't want you to get the wrong impression that we're perfect task masters either. We're still messy. There are always dishes in our sick & library books to return. I typically have way too many emails in my inbox to respond to and there is usually a laundry basket with folded clothes sitting on my bedroom floor, screaming at me to put it up. 

All that being said, this weekend we swung as hard as we could the other way (the right way?) and nothing had a point. We hiked in the not-most-beautiful area and without a destination in mind. We held hands and walked in silence. I laid in the hotel and looked at the ceiling while Nick read books with his headphones on. We talked a little over our meals, but mostly just smiled at each other. It wasn't a retreat to grow or build or change or get ahead. I didn't catch up on emails during the drive or even pick up any of the 6 books I brought along. We just needed to breath and be and see the Lord's creation and connect with Him again - not as servants, but as sons and daughters in whom He is already well pleased because of Christ within us. 

The wasn't a point, but there was purpose in the rest. 

Grace. Grace was the purpose in the rest. 

And maybe that's not a fitting message for Monday morning when all the things are a flutter and buzzing around you. 

Or maybe it is. 

There doesn't have to be a point. 

But there can be a purpose. 

three reasons I do yoga

a disclaimer: this isn't a debate-ish post about whether or not it's ok for Christians to do yoga. You're totally welcome to your opinion, but I believe it's an exercise that can be redeemed and done without worshipping sun or the earth or whatever the poses were designed for. I believe worship is a heart issue and even though the debates about yoga make me squirmy, when I check my heart during yoga - it feels like it is pointed at the Lord. 

I'm so excited to blog a little bit more about my yoga journey over the past few months. Well, maybe years? Up until last year, I'd done a little bit of yoga on and off for exercise or community - but I'd never thought much about it. Then one day a year ago, I found myself in Fort Wayne (before we moved to Charleston), dreaming and kind of speaking some best case scenario prayers out over my life. I was describing where I pictured myself ten years from now to my friend, with the full knowledge that the Lord can do whatever He wants. I pictured us in Charleston still, with a ten year old church, teenagers getting ready to go off to college, hopefully writing books and still constantly hosting people in my home. But I also pictured myself doing yoga. Waking early & grabbing my mat, getting still and moving all at once, worshipping the Lord in quiet and moving my body before all my people wake up. It might sound silly, but it was my picture. 

The reason why I like to ask women what they want their lives to look like ten years from now is because that end (hopeful) picture changes how you live today. At some point you stop putting off building that picture and just pick up the yoga mat and start doing it. So that's what I've been trying to do little by little the past few months. I'm not crazy good at it. I can't do super fancy poses. I'm still learning all the names of the moves and I fall a good bit, but here are the reasons why I keep going. 

1. My people do yoga. 
Alllll the ladies in my city do the yoga. The people who go to church and the people who don't go to church. They even do yoga in our kid's elementary school. There is no getting away from it and I can either choose to be separate from them or be with them, with different intentions. It is one of my greatest opportunities to be in this world & not of it. I want to know the women in my city, and more specifically - I do pray that one day they would know Jesus and have a relationship with Him. And this is one of the main places I can meet them. 

2. It's making me stronger. 
I haven't posted much about weightloss/health journey in the past few months, but ya'll it's been a straight up hill battle. I love yoga because it's not about beating my body or hating my body or subduing it. It's about connecting with it and celebrating how God is making it stronger. When I leave barre class or spin, I can tend to feel flabby and straight up behind. When I get done with yoga or running, I might feel sore, but I don't feel like I'm beating my body up. I feel like I am stretching & strengthening it. 

3. I have met some life giving ladies who do yoga.
I have run into some incredibly life giving gals who run Holy Yoga Ministries & I've been really blessed by what they do. They incorporate yoga & Christian worship in a beautiful way and when I hop on their instagram feed or use one of their DVDs, I'm ultimately super blessed. AND! I'm going to be meeting some of them at this event coming up in March. Brooke Boon (the founder of Holy Yoga) & Alisa Keeton (the founder of Revelation Wellness) are choosing Jesus at the Core, an event here in Charleston that is a two day wellness event to promote wholeness and community. Yes, I very much like both of those things. 

If you're local or semi-local to Charleston, want to meet me at Jesus at the Core in March? I WON'T be the yoga/wellness expert in the front row & I will be the newbie in the back, soaking it up and tumbling a bit. ALSO! The event is FREE. I'd love to meet you there! 

What about you? 
What's giving you life and helping you find your people these days? 
I'd love to hear! 

on church planting & provision

By the time this posts, it will have been a little over a month since my last update about our church plant and we will have had our second service. For a catch up - Nick (my husband) and I are planting a church in Charleston, SC. We moved in June 2013 with five other friends and spent our first six months here acclimating to the city, meeting our neighbors, praying, and building the early culture of our church. On January 19th, we launched with our first public service and we're meeting monthly till September on Sunday mornings, but weekly we're having family groups. To read a bit more about our church planting story - here are some catch up posts: 

Chest Pains & Church Planting - thoughts before our move to Charleston
The Story of Sending - leaving Indiana  
Being Missional in the Thick of It - part of our plan 
The Story of a Church Plant - our first service

We sat the other night with our friend Brittany and even though we weren't meaning to, we ended up spending an hour or so just telling her our story. Brittany lives with us, she has for almost five months, and I've known her fairly well for over two years - but somehow there felt like huge chunks of our life that she didn't know about. Like, for instance? We lived in some intensely bad financial situations for a few years. Like, well below the poverty line bad. There were super dark days where we'd gather up our quarters and our dimes to buy enough bread and peanut butter to last us a few days or we'd pray for just enough gas to get to church and home. Our hard financial season isn't something we are embarrassed about, and even though it was incredibly difficult - it was in those days that we got to truly live the gospel with one another. We were a far cry from the young and hopeful couple that had gotten married a few years earlier, we were just busted kids having kids trying to do ministry and figure life out. 

I don't mind remembering those hard days for another reason, and that is because we truly learned that the Lord provides. Though our bank account was bleak and the economy was tanking, we never went hungry and our kids never missed a meal. We were never evicted and our power wasn't ever turned off. Our Father worked straight up miracles over and over again to take care of us. And now, we can boldly pray with confidence when people we love are struggling with finances. We can look them in the eye and tell them - He will provide, and then walk with them because that particular struggle will never be quite so terrifying to us again. 

The bad news in this story is that I somehow stopped really praying for provision. I trusted God for provision and learned to thank God for how He'd provide financially, but I stopped seeing the other needs in my life as something I could cry out to Him and ask Him to meet. I'd find myself slumping forward into my own reality, assuming it would "always be this way" in several different areas of life. 

The other day a friend challenged me because I said "that's just the way it is" regarding two separate things in the same conversation. And I'm so glad she did. My personal issues, our circumstances, pain in relationships, issues with our kids - that's never just the way it is in the Lord's economy, right? All things are subject to Him and He can provide, shift, grow, and change our circumstances however He sees fit. When we ask Him for something, His answer may not always be "yes, right away!" - but He is still good and wants us to ask. 

In light of that - here are some things I've seen him provide (outside of money) for us in church planting so far. 
- A few times when we've really needed it, friends (and new friends) have gotten in our face and asked us how they can pray for and/or serve us. Nick and I tend to plow ahead without asking for help, and these people in our life are really helping us start new rhythms. 
- One day when I was particularly burdened by church-related meetings, my mom texted me and asked if I could stop by the place she was having lunch. It was 2pm and I hadn't eaten. She held my baby, ordered me some sweet potato fries and just let me talk for a minute. There have been so many little provision-like-moments like this in the past month.
- The Lord provided a worship leader for our monthly service in January, February, and we already have someone lined up for March. 
- Our "team" has almost doubled in a month. In the midst of people visiting and figuring us out, we've had a handful of people say they're all in and jump beside us to serve and move forward as a church. This has been beautiful and so encouraging. 
- I feel like the Lord is providing such sweet intimacy with Nick and I as we navigate these early months. It's been a huge blessing to turn to one another and then the Lord together for wisdom. 

So I'm learning. I'm learning to see my needs, learning to believe He wants good for me, and remembering to ask my Father for help. In all the things. 

Whether you're a church planter's wife or in ministry or not, I'm sure you've seen the Lord provide in ways you didn't imagine possible you've seen Him provide for things you forgot to ask for. I'd love to hear from y'all - what are those things? 

known versus knowing

I'm hearing it all around me. 

The bad news that we are building a culture, a generation, that is obsessed with being known. We apparently desire fame, we build our identities on mountains of likes & followers, and our kids? When they list their dream jobs, they say - celebrity. It's not the thing they want to do to change the world that pushes their heart, but the being known for it. 

And I am the first to say, I get it. 

A few years ago, I was a baby blogger, constantly just updating the world with my thoughts, unsure of who was listening or if it mattered that I had anything to say. I'd see those more well known than me interacting on twitter or listen to them speak at conferences, and something would well up inside of me and feel tingly and hope - hope - hope that one day people would look and listen to me. And I hoped it for the good reasons, I genuinely believed, so I could give God much glory and inspire and encourage. But I had to be known first, right? 

The truth of it is, a few years and several thousand followers later, I am still not known. I was listening to Tsh and Shaun Groves' recent podcast as they talked about fame, and I was so comforted and so discouraged by their words all at once. Shaun said that his few years of fame were more damaging to his soul than anything else in his life - and they both commented on how backwards it is for our souls to be known and not know in return. I feel that in my gut and I know that a) with each follower gained, I am not more known or understood - I often feel more isolated and less able to share and b) something inside of me deeply longs to know people back. 

This is why I think the message of influence is SO important. Desiring to use your influence, rather than build your own fame, is a game changer. When we want to make the most of the influence God has given us, we recognize that the influential way we treat our children or our spouses or our best friend is just as  life shifting as the way we tweet to thousands or speak to hundreds. This is not lip service for me and I believe it with every shred of my being. I believe that the hand I firmly place on my husband's forearm in the midst of his hard day is as influential as the most life giving words I could ever muster up to write to the thousands. The more value someone places on your voice and your presence, the more incredibly influential you are in their life, thus the more they are able to take what you give them and share it with the rest of the world. 

So while I think it's good and worthy to utilize our influence, wield it for the glory of God or the sake of the dream we're pursuing - I want to know the firm boundary lines. I need firm structure that keeps me from gathering up the whole sum of my perceived approval or visibility and calling that "known" or replacing my identity with it. Moreover, when my head hits the pillow at night - I want to be certain that I'm certain that I've known others more than I've been "known" or seen myself. 

I want to know, for the most part, how my sister and my mom are doing and how I can pray for them. I want to remember the exact fleck of gold that is in my oldest son's eyes. I want to have seen that shadow cross over my friend's face when she mentioned that thing, so I can remember to go back and ask her about it and be there for her. I don't want to know (or care) how many people unfollowed me on instagram that day or what the general response was to that thing I put on Facebook. While I'm grateful for influence and the call to wield it for God's glory, I'd rather know than be known, and I don't think those things are mutually exclusive. 

The future starts now, with us. The studies they'll do five years from now, ten years from now, on our kids and our kid's kids? We dictate how they'll come out. With hope I am declaring that I'll do my part and use my voice to make sure they don't say that our obsession with psuedo-celebrity only snowballed and that we laid down influence for fickle and false bits of fame. Today, whether you're known by thousands or you're known by dozens - you have the opportunity to KNOW ever before you. I pray that we, starting with me, live lives of such dedication to knowing + loving + being. This way, when we step on our platforms of influence - what is seen is an overflow of reality and passion rather than us getting it backwards with the bulk of our time being documented and known, with small dips into the well of seeing and hearing others. 

I'd rather be know than be known, 

and I have a feeling you're with me. 

Are you with me? 

Today marks the day we start selling tickets for our third annual Influence conference. If you're not aware of what Influence is about - it's about allllllll this. We want to help women make their online life mean something, help them grow their creative endeavors and steward their influence, and we are also all about the gospel at the core of who we are. We'd love to have you.