giving up on good: I do it all.

We took a short the last two weeks, but I’m so glad we’re back for giving up on good. I’ve been so personally blessed by this series. I feel like every single time someone wants to put my life on a pedestal or I’m tempted to compare my own life to someone else’s – I’m immediately reminded of giving up on good.

Some examples: When I was cooking with my mom & sister on vacation and my mom started lamenting how her salads aren’t ever involved, serious pinterest-like affairs - I was able to say, “Hey! That’s a good you’ve given up on and it works for you!”

Also, I was with some women the other day and they were talking about cute fashionable deals they’d gotten for their kids and I had a deep desire to grab my kids and throw a blanket over their hand-me-down clothes. Instead, I could proudly say, “You know? That’s not really my thing! If it’s yours, go for it! But we love hand me downs!”.

Last week on vacation, when I’d take the kids to the pool – I was surrounded by quite a handful of tight-bodied mamas who look like they spent most mornings in the gym. Instead of feeling threatened by them or ashamed of my body, I remembered that God’s charge on my life is to make my body as healthy as possibly but pursue spiritual discipline ABOVE bodily discipline.

Amazing salads, cutely dressed kids, hot-mama bodies.

All good things. All good things I’ve given up on to pursue the BEST things for my life, which I’m asking the Lord to show me daily.

So I had a thought today that I wanted to share with ya’ll. It’s expounding really on the idea of “giving up on good”, but it’s also a “good” notion that I’m giving up on.

How does she do it all?

Have you asked that about someone else? Has someone asked that about you? Have you wondered it in awe or in bitterness? Have you looked at some other ladies outsides and compared it to you insides and come up short?

I used to struggle through the idea of doing it all. If someone would ask me my thoughts on “how I did it”, I would exasperatedly exclaim “I DON’T!’ and then start listing my laundry list of things I’d given up on. For me, I was so terrified to be exalted, that I quite often just totally threw myself under the bus in exchange for that question. I would and have quite often said something along the lines of “you should see me during the week” or “it’s not all that tidy” or “well, I do this but I don’t do _______, ________, and _______.” What I’m realized is that in dejecting myself, I’m not giving the Lord any glory and I’m not really giving an honest answer.

The truth is: I need to do it all.

I need to do EVERY SINGLE PIECE of what God has given me to do. Well, Christ in me does. To be an honorable daughter of God, wife, mama, friend, community member, business lady – I need to submit my days and my work to Him and ask Him to do every little single shred of it all. But here’s the secret: I don’t have to do an ounce of the things He hasn’t asked me to do. And I need Him to constantly realign me and readjust me and point me on the right path. Sometimes He takes things away and sometimes He add things in. But He doesn’t let me off the hook for the important things because I’ve added some myself.

I have to do it all.

I can’t do any of it.

But Christ in me can.

“Giving up on Good” isn’t a call to laziness and moreover, I think it’s a call to give up on the idea that we as women should do a hundred things halfway.

Ask Him what He wants you to do.

Ask Him by His power to help you.

And do it all – by grace, through faith, with lots of adjustments and help along the way.

And boast in Him when it’s done. 

today, Hayley is taking a break from giving up on good to share

some exciting Influence Conference news!  Hop over there to hear!

giving up on good - MORIAH!

Hey, ladies! Jessi gave me permission to hack into her blog and guest post today while she's off on vacation with her darling family. If you don't know me already, my name is Moriah and I write over at Moriah Makes, a lifestyle blog about faith, family, and creative inspiration. I also run a lil' Etsy shop where I enjoy selling handmade goodies for mamas and their babies. Hop on over and say hello!

Since becoming a full-time stay-at-home-mom, I've tried and tried again to figure out how to become the mother in this picture:

Source: thevintagehousewife.blogspot.com via Glamorous on Pinterest

If I could meet the mother in this picture, I'd really love to ask her a few quick questions:

Hey, Lady! How in the world did you find time during the day, when you have little ones on opposite nap schedules that don't allow you a minute of alone time, to jump in the shower? 

After taking said shower, assuming that you shaved your legs and pits, shampooed and conditioned the snarls out of your hair, and lathered your entire body in scented lotion, how did you find the time to blow dry, curl your hair, apply makeup, and put on your sexy house-wife ensemble without your house being burnt to a crisp by your unattended children? 

After spending the majority of your afternoon making yourself look presentable for your husband's arrival home, how did you still have time to meal plan, cook an amazing gourmet meal for your family, using vegetables from your organic garden, and feel as though you spent some quality time with your babies rather than letting them hang out with Elmo all day? Or, did you? Is that how do it? Let Elmo babysit them?

If you're a frequent reader of my blog, you've heard me tackle this topic before. I've already given up on showers, dressing myself for the day, and even dressing my kids for the day, for something better. But, dinner? Dinner is now the hardest part of my day. And, for some reason, I've always felt guilty about not creating something exciting and appetizing for my hardworking husband to come home and enjoy with his family. 

I've stressed out about it, cried over it, and have sought so much advice to figure out how other moms make it happen. Moms: I've seen the pictures you post of your dinner. It looks amazing and I wish I could create the same thing from my kitchen. But, God has stepped in and has told me to give it up. 

So, I have. At least for now. And it feels so good! God's assured me that dinner isn't worth the stress and anxiety that has filled this house since having two little ones while learning how to balance life. The sweat that drips from my forehead between 4:30-5:30pm every evening is not worth it. The never-ending guilt of sticking my babies in front of the t.v. so Pinterest can teach me how to perfectly sauté a brussel sprout is not worth it. So, for now, while my babies are little and need my undivided, un-showered and unpresentable attention? Hubs gets a frozen vegetable, potato or rice, and meat. Because, I've given up on dinner for something better. 

And are you wondering what's better than a delicious, home cooked meal made with stress (because, I assure you, those meals I tried to create in the past weren't made with love)? A rested, relaxed, and happy home. Simple food for hungry tummies, but even more delicious smiles, hugs, and kisses being thrown around the dinner table, rather than a grumpy and distressed wife. And even an added bonus: greater appreciation for the few times I do make a delicious steak stir fry, a killer salad, or a hearty fettucini with homemade alfredo sauce.  Giving up on dinner has been the best decision I've made yet as a mom, wife, and daughter of God, and I think my husband and children would all agree.

“An unpeaceful mind cannot operate normally. Hence the Apostle teaches us to “have no anxiety [stress] about anything” (Phil. 4:6). Deliver all anxious thoughts to God as soon as they arise. Let the peace of God maintain your heart and mind (v. 7).” - Watchman Nee {source}

What good are you giving up for an opportunity to receive something better?

giving up on: kids clothes

((by now I'm assuming you know what 

Giving up On Good means. 

If not, catch up here and join in!)

So it dawned on me this week when I was in the colossal process of cleaning out the too small for my kids clothes and finding the bags of the next level hand-me-downs. 


The clothes. That is definitely a good thing I've given up on. 


Before I had any kiddos, I could've sworn that one of the coolest parts of being a mom would be to dress my kiddos in utterly fashionable and hip attire. I imagined little boys in chucks and girls in tutus and accessories and cute haircuts. And then I had Elias, and I wondered if it was because he was a boy - maybe that's why it doesn't thrill me so much to dress him. I preferred hand-me-downs and second hand stores - and not for incredibly cool vintage duds either. Just the basics. Jeans that fit. Clean t-shirts. Handsome sweaters. 


But when I had Glory-girl, the sad truth was: I still didn't care. By the time Benjamin was born, I had lost any notion of having fashionable kids. Don't get me wrong! I don't want them to look like utter weirdos. The boy have a few pairs of skinny jeans and Glory just got her first set of jeggings, but for the most part - you can find my kids look less like pinterest sensations and more like.... kids. 


And I am so absolutely ok with that. 
Confession time - I'm REALLY thinking about it and I wonder if we've spent more than $100 or $200 on all our kids clothes in our five and a half years of parenting. I mean, combined. We LOVE handmedowns. And Benja gets all Elias' handmedowns and Glory has two older girl cousins who have greatly blessed her. And I know we've bought a few key pieces of clothing for them at Target over time and a few nicer pairs of shoes - but in general, we just don't buy our kids clothes. 


The crazy thing - Nick and I are kind of the same. I'd say both of our wardrobes are like 80% thrifted or secondhand, 10% bought at super cheap stores like Forever 21, 10% really nice pieces that we use for years. We just try to make our wardrobes as distinct and "us" as we can by using really inexpensive accessories. And our kids do too! You can often find Glory wearing my gypsy hat or Benja wearing a cool $1 Target beanie in the middle of summer. But we sure enough do not spend real money to try and make them look cool. Because they're not cool. They're toddlers. :) 


For us, giving up on that good has led to MUCH more money in our pockets and MUCH more peace in our lives. They don't really have things they prefer to wear. They've never "gone shopping" with any authority to pick anything out and they think hand-me-downs are the bomb dot com. 


So there's my not so dirty little secret! If you meet me in real life, my kids will not look like they just came from a photoshoot. They will (HOPEFULLY) be clean. But you'll  find them in crocks, some well-worn jeans, and a tshirt that was either gifted to them or handed down. 

And as always, if your kids DO look fabulous all the time, grace to you. 
If that's the good you don't want to give up on - claim it! 
And (AHEM) we accept hand-me-downs. 
.............


Some quick Naptime Diaries business!
- Today's the last day of the HUGE SUMMER SALE. Jump on it! 
- I'm taking three more blog design clients for June! If you need blog/small business design done - email me today - jessi connolly at gmail. 

giving up on good, the pinterest parties

Alright gals, if you need to catch up - this is what we're doing. 


I was wracking and wracking my brain on what I could share to give up this week. 
I've given up on getting dressed at the crack of dawn, showering often, and being fitness-mommy-barbie.
Surely I've given up on lots of other things, but none of them seemed applicable or even life giving to other ladies. 


That's really the only point, you know? Not to tell a cool story. 
Just to give a little life. 
Because if one more person asks me how I do it all, I'll freak out. 
I just don't. I just don't. 

Anyhow, I'm cruising the aisles of Walmart scouring birthday party goods for our Benja and it hits me. This is going to be one of the most low key birthday parties on earth. It would make some pinterest-obsessed mamas sweat in their color blocked dresses and high buns. 


Oh! That's it! 

I've given up on fabulous kid events, specifically birthday parties. And other potentially-pinterested-out-events. 

We do birthdays low key and kid driven. I don't mean kid driven in that we give 20 kids the day of their wildest dreams. I mean - we think about what each kid would really be blessed by and we execute it in the most low-key manner possible. 


We were moving on Elias' birthday and all he really wanted was donuts and some time with his best friend, Elijah. We gave that kid enough donuts in the week leading up to his birthday, we probably damaged his innards permanently. Not really, but maybe. And he STILL talks about how he got to ride in the van with Elijah on the last leg of our drive to Indiana. Oh, we also gave him a BIKE when he got to Indiana, because it was about time.


Glory wanted hotdogs. We asked a few families to meet us out for a cheap dinner of hotdogs! And she got a small toy she'd been pining after and a morning date with Daddy and an afternoon date with Mommy. 


Benja is obsessed with camo--everything. Which he calls "bad guy" or "army guy" (we've explained army guys are good, but we think he means it in the urban way of "bad" as "good", you know?). He likes bad guys clothes, he wants bad guy costumes, and for his birthday party - all he's been asking for is a bad guy party. 


So we're inviting our community group over for breakfast. Mostly adults, but Benja has a special place in his heart for all the college guys in our community group. I'm pretty sure he thinks they're his best friends. AND the cheapest thing I know to feed 20 something men is breakfast so we're having pancakes and fruit and oatmeal! 

And today at Walmart we picked up badguy cupcakes, badguy plates, and badguy napkins. We'll hang some streamers and grab some balloons and I have a feeling Benja will be ENTRANCED. It will cost about $25, max. It's not fancy. I won't even look up one recipe on pinterest and there sure won't be favors. But my boy will feel loved and treasured by the people he treasures and I'm trying to talk my husband into using a little bad-guy-face-paint. 


I'm giving up on fabulous birthday parties. 
I'm gaining peace, more money in my budget, and a little boy who gets exactly what he wants. 
And hopefully a little face paint. 

(ps - if fabulous birthday parties are your thing - you should feel much freedom and excitement in them! this is only about imparting grace and embracing the things which are our things, so yay! invite me to one! please don't ask me to bring the cake pops because I tried to make those one time, and they were awful) 

What about you? What are you giving up on? 
link up below! 

giving up good: marathon or book

If you don't know what we're up to - check out this post and this post. 
Also, be sure to see what Hayley is giving up on today. 
Then link up below!
..................................................
Let me set the scene for you: 
Today I walked in to my dear husband's office while he was sermon planning. He was all enraptured in scripture and prayer and I just sauntered in with my highly important and urgent question. 


"Hey babe! Stop praying for a second! What should I write about for my giving up on good post tomorrow?!" Ok, it didn't happen quite like that. And I did offer to come back later, but by that point, he was eager to help. 

exhibit a: hot husband demonstrates my weird "side smile" 

exhibit b: hot husband laughs at me

exhibit c: hot husband demonstrates my "crazy smile"

Nick: "what is giving up on good?"

Jessi: "Babe. For real. You know. You know, that link up I'm doing with Hayley where we talk about things we're giving up on to do something better. 

Imparting grace to women, you know."

Nick: "Oooooh, like the post where you talked about giving up on showers. 

Not your best move, Connolly."

Jessi: (dies laughing and throws paper at him)

Nick: "oh, I know! you should give up making those goofy faces you 

make when you take iphone self portraits. Would you give those up?"

Jessi: I throw something else at him. But I know it's true. I make stupid faces. 

Nick: "oh! you could talk about how you gave up on working out?!"

Jessi: "Love. Are you joking? I worked out Monday, Tuesday, 

and I'm going running this afternoon?"

Nick: "No, I mean how it's not your THING anymore."

And I knew he was right. 
And it's true. 
I've given up on being workout girl. 
Wannabe marathoner girl. Long distance runner girl. 


And that's kind of what I feel like is at the heart of "giving up on good". There are all these things that we possibly could BE. Could be all about, could "own", could be known for. 
And a lot of us (namely this lady right here) would like to be good at all the things. 
I would like to be a strong believer, amazing wife, full time and incredibly supportive, loving, nurturing mama, hard worker-bee running my own business... blah blah blah. You know all the things. You might want to be them too. And one of my things I used to want to be was marathon girl or super fit after three kids girl. 


But like I said - it's about identity. 

And who I am right now is Jessi, daughter of Christ. 

Coheir with Jesus. Redeemed and rescued. 

And there are some descriptors that the Lord has given this life - 3 kiddos, hot pastor husband, frequent mover, lover of online ministry. At one point during the last few months, as Nick and I were discussing dreams and goals and really how to do this interesting life where we could easily totally lose sight of what we're about - he sort of issued an ultimatum, which is different for him. He said very kindly, "Love. This year, you can write a book or you can run a marathon. You cannot do both." And he wasn't being so literal, but I heard his heart. 

I can't do all the things. I cannot be all the things. 

So I'm still working out. Trying to be faithful with my body. But the end goal has changed and I've given up on the good idea of being super physically fit. Faithful. 
But I gave up my second planned half marathon in January and I'm giving up the one I was going to do in September and I'm giving up the Chicago marathon too. 
Instead I'll stick with my homemade bootcamp with my friend Brittany and slow, painful three mile runs, and this redeemed mama of three body:)

but husband, don't think for a second I'm giving up my weird faces.
NOT FOR A SECOND.

What about you?

If you've realized you can't do all the things, 

which one are you giving up on? 

link up below - either her or on The Tiny Twig. 

giving up on good, vol. 2

I so, so, so hope you're joining Hayley and I as we give up on good. 
If you don't know what we're talking about - read last week's post to catch up. 
Essentially - we are sharing and encouraging ya'll to share the good things that you can willingly give up to do the better things in your life. 


Last week, Hayley shared that her family made the wise decision to give up going to community group one week to create some margin for their boys. I shared that while I like to get dressed everyday, I've given up on the "good" idea that I should be dressed and ready by 7am. Instead, I take my time and stay in my jammies till noon sometimes. 


This week, I'm getting REAL vulnerable with ya'll. 
Here is a good thing I've given up. 
SHOWERING. 

oh, hi friend. 

Listen, I'm crunchy - but not that crunchy. I still use deodorant. I still wash my hair and wear makeup. 
But I would say I only shower 5 times a month. 
That's a true story. 


Here's the deal. Do I think it sounds like a good idea to bath daily and keep my hair super clean and wash my face twice a day? Yes. Yes, I do. 


But I'm a mom to three rambunctious young kiddos 
who I love and want to spend my days with. 
I'm a wife to a pastor with a fluctuating schedule. 
I'm a small business owner. 
I'm a blogger. 
I'm planning a conference. 
I like to exercise. 
I aspire to be a good friend. 
I like to spend time with Jesus. 
I want to serve my neighborhood. 
I want to serve and be present in my church. 
AND I'm learning that I've got to rest. And have margin.


Those are my "better" things, and an hour of showering and getting fixed up daily just won't work. And please don't suggest spending less time showering and doing my hair. Ya'll, this mane is HIGH MAINTENANCE. Best case scenario for me, including cutting all corners possible, it's gonna take an hour to wash, condition, and dry this head. So we're not even counting makeup or bodily pampering. 


So here's what I've opted for. I've given up on a daily or every-other-day-shower. 
Instead I do bird-baths with baby wipes, use lots of solid perfume, and I've (over time) trained my hair to not get oily. I promise you, anyone can train their hair this way - here is a good guide on how to do it. 

less frequent showering means less frequent robe washing

And when I do shower - typically once to twice a week - I make it worth it. 
I use shower oils and candles and there is usually music playing. 
And sometimes, when the hair is finally dry, I'll blow my serene bathroom a kiss and say, "see you again soon, friend!". But during the rest of the week, I rarely regret being an infrequent showerer. Because I've given up that "good" for better things. 


And people in my real life promise I don't stink.
I'm taking their word for it. 


.......................................
What about you? 
What good have you given up on? 
Link up here or over on The Tiny Twig and let us know! 

giving up on good.

A of all - thank you guys for being so excited about Influence! We are SO pumped! I've been smiling my face off reading your tweets and emails about how excited you are and how you want to help out! We cannot wait to share more details - starting next Monday! 

B of all - how about this story? 

One day a few weeks ago, I was perusing Hayley's blog and reading old posts that I'd missed out on. I came across this life giving post and as I read it and marinated on it, I realized - it felt so comfortable and homey to me because I'd written a similar post about a year earlier. I love when the Lord does that! Lines your heart right up with a friend. 

Anyhow, the basis of both of our posts were kind of gracefully explaining the good things we'd given up on with the intention of taking care of the things that really mattered to us. 

Instead of perpetuating the lie that you have to do it all well, all early, all efficient - what if we spoke life to one another and imparted grace to one another by waving our white flags and admitting the good things we've walked away from to pursue the better things. The things that are right for us? 

What if we had a little weekly linkup and you could share one or two things each week that you've given up on. Because you know you can serve your family, the Lord, or just keep a sense of peace by focusing your time, energy, talent, resources where He wants it to be. 

.....................................................................................................

Here's my example for this week! 

I noticed on last year's post for "I don't do it all", I said that I don't get dressed every day and I will tell you - that has changed a good bit. Maybe once a week/every two weeks, I'll wear workout clothes all day - but for the most part, I've decided that I have a great closet full of thrifted clothes and it really blesses my husband/increases my work ethic/makes me feel generally better if i freshen my hair, put on some makeup, wear SOME sort of outfit. 

(now stick with me, I promise this will get encouraging)

exhibit a: 

But here's my secret. Here's the good I've given up on: 

I think it sounds good and well to get up before the crack o' dawn and get pretty, but I've given up on that. I want to get dressed cute for the day, but who says that has to happen before 11am? 

We're in an interesting season of life, our family. Kids semi-preschooling it up at home. Pastor husband with a flexible schedule. Work-at-home mama being a full time mama. All that means is we can have some LAZY mornings. I sure care about looking put together at some point in the day, but there are no rules that say I can't drink a pot of coffee, read with my kiddos, write 15 emails, and water the flowers out front before I ever brush my teeth. 

And so - I've given up on the "good" rule that says you should be dressed, ready for your day, cute as a button, all put together by 7am. Only because I've seen that letting ourselves have a super peaceful morning with no agenda builds great grace in our home. I try not to plan too much in the mornings or run any errands. It's just us, building our relationships, cleaning up messes, cuddling, and working on our letters. And I don't need a fedora with matching vintage shoes for that. 

And so, I give you, exhibit b: 

left side: Me at 11:19am on Tuesday. Husbands sweat pants & the shirt from yesterday.
The top half was too scary to document.
11:39 am: real pants, cuter shoes, a real shirt, and some freshly curled hair. 

.............................................

So here's the thing, sister. 

Your secret's out. You don't do it all.

If you do, teach us all how. 

But for the rest of us - 

let's share some good things we've given up. 

Want to join us? 

Brainstorm what you've given up on or what you NEED to give up on and come back next Thursday to link your post here or on The Tiny Twig. 

We can't wait to see:)