Glory baby

There is SO much I want to say but this will suffice:

Our Glory is just perfect. She would have been perfect in our eyes even with a positive diagnosis of Trisomy 18, but we're so glad to know we'll get to take her home from the hospital, run around with her, hold her, and love her for as long as God sees fit.

Thank you all SO much for your prayers and encouragment!
Jessi & Nick

Update

First of all - a big thank you to all of our friends and family. Y'all have been so encouraging and uplifting in your prayers and support! We've truly felt your prayers in the peace Christ has given us and we just can't believe how much you've all gotten your hearts wrapped up in Glory's well-being.

Second - after what felt like forever, our high-risk doctor called us this afternoon and let us know that initially our preliminary results looked good -they showed no sign of Trisomy 18. HOWEVER, they were contaminated because some of my blood leaked into the specimen and so the results weren't conclusive. The results could be totally correct but their have been cases where people received a negative Trisomy result only to find out their baby truly had Trisomy, the result was just contaminated with blood.

So... we're of course just pretty disappointed and frustrated and confused but we're going on with life. We leave tomorrow for our first vacation ever away from Elias, going all the way to Seattle. When we come back, life is going to keep rolling and trucking and hopefully in two weeks - we'll know what's up.

If any of you want any more info - please go to www.trisomy18.org. It is an amazing website with family stories, support for family & friends, and lots of pictures of these beautiful babies. If anything, the Lord has really given me a heart for these sweet babes. We really know in two weeks - we aren't receiving good or bad news - we would love a healthy Glory and we would know it's a huge privelage to have a fragile Glory to take care of as long as the Lord sees fit.

On that note - I'm going to leave you all with a picture of the sweetest puppy dog you've ever seen. We'll of course keep everyone updated and again - we can't thank you all enough for your prayers. The Lord has already done a lot of beautiful things through this situation but most importantly - I think I've snuck the name Glory into the official name spot. I was sure our sweet girl would be called Gloriana (Glory) Eloise Connolly and Nick couldn't really give me a thumbs-up. But thanks to you all calling her that and God's Glory being so amazingly displayed in her life - it's here to stay. Love you all!

State of the heart.

Tomorrow is D-Day. I still have peace. I feel really drawn to Hannah's prayer. I suppose what I can't get over is the idea of how different I feel compared to how I felt when I was pregnant with E. Whenever I felt there was a threat to him, or our life together, I held tighter. I told the Lord, point blank, I didn't think he could have Elias. I couldn't bare it.

The truth is, it has nothing to do with loving Elias more than Glory though... I think it has to do with Him and what He prepares you for. Last night, I was laying in bed and all of a sudden I was really doubting the existence of God. You know when you catch yourself just reasoning it out and saying, "There's no way. We're just all really dramatic people - we're no different from the girl on Oprah who truly believes that yoga is healing her cancer".

I wasn't letting my mind go there because of the struggle. I honestly had forgotten all about my sweet Gloriana and her tender struggle. I went to that place completely on my own. God doesn't exist. That's where my mind is able to go.

Here's the truly psycho part - when I DID remember this fight for peace we're in the middle of - THAT is what brought me out. There is no way a mother could long for a daughter the way I have, envision putting a million bows all over her sweet toe head, strategically plan how to teach her about applying lotion daily (because I believe that's the key to being a gentle lady) - and then have your hopes stolen from you by a stupid test, by a few milliliters of blood and still function.

I know for a fact there is no possible way to walk through that and still be a normal, human, living being. UNLESS - Christ is real. It's not possible to be surfing the Internet & flip from a page containing beautiful, yet really tragic pictures of trisomy babies to a page containing pictures of pink, adorable crib bedding - all the while knowing one of those pages (though vastly different) holds your future. UNLESS Christ exists.

So I've been reading a lot again about Hannah & her prayer in 1 Samuel. After the Lord remembered her and gave her Samuel - she remembered her promise and gave Samuel over to the Lord. He lived away from her, in the temple. This is what her heart was able to say after she let him go, "My heart rejoices in the Lord... There is no one besides you; there is no Rock like our God... The Lord brings death and makes alive, he brings down to the grave and raises up... He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap".

A sweet friend prayed this prayer over me when I was pregnant with Elias and later I went back to read and study it. I couldn't get a grip on it - E was already so dear to me, I couldn't understand the purpose in Hannah's sacrifice. I've been laughing at myself over the past few days as I read and reread what I wrote beside this passage in my bible:

"Why want a son so badly only to give him up? What is the purpose? Where is the honor in bearing children? Teach my heart Lord...."

I was so confused - so upset that God would call us to be mothers only to ask that we continually understand children are not OURS. I asked the Lord to teach my heart and He has. Amen.

Going Public

The past few days for Nick and I have been extremely beautiful, a little bit painful, and they have certainly revealed the character of our Lord. On Thursday morning, we received the news that our sweet Glory Baby had tested with a high probability of having a chromosomal disorder known as Trisomy 18, or Edward's Syndrome. Trisomy 18 is a fatal genetic disorder - where 50% of the babies die in utero, 10% live for up to 24 hours and just 5% make it to one year. We knew we'd be waiting until this morning to get any kind of news - so we just sort of tucked in, prayed for peace, and waited.

Beginning on Thursday morning - Jesus absolutely poured peace over us. Just two hours after the call - we felt really comforted by Him and absolutely assured that this was not His desire. In a time where I completely expected to feel angry with the Lord or as if He just truly didn't exist - I could not ignore the intense feeling that He was as heart-broken as we were.

It was really helpful to have family here this weekend, to keep us distracted and pray. I was so excited for Sunday because I was getting to share my testimony at Mosaic as part of 'The View', a four-woman panel discussing our current series, Seduced. It was so fun and I pray God was truly glorified through our opinions and stories. All day on Sunday - different women were asking me to pray for them and whether I knew their specific situations or not, I knew to pray for peace. I knew if God could provide His perfect peace for me despite waiting on these results - He could provide peace for anyone.

So... today. We went through a really extensive Level II ultrasound, and the doctor was able to tell us that from what they could see there were no major physical deformities. With Trisomy 18, the baby can either have a huge fatal deformity - such as a hole in the heart, or they can just not be able to function outside of the womb. Since we didn't get any conclusive results from the ultrasound, we had to have some other tests done and we'll get a definite result on Wednesday.

Again, I feel God's perfect peace. Nick and I have had the phrase "drink this cup" on our minds all weekend, and we've even had others who were unaware of our circumstances prophesy that we were needing to do just that. If we find out on Wednesday that our precious lovey is just fine - I can't tell you how much I'll still be praising God for this time to know His heart so much better. On the other hand, if we find out the opposite - we will not stop praising God for His Glory.

Thanks Lord, & Mom.

I love how the Lord gives us what we need before we even know we need it.

Yesterday, I was all in a tizzy over Elias' allergies and a new case of thrush that he had developed. I called my mom, all in a mess, upset over being a working mom vs. desperately wanting to care for my son myself.

Today the Lord had a whole new battle, another war almost, in store for us - but I was prepared in a way I couldn't comprehend. I really feel like the Lord helped me claim that peace because of the prayer my mom prayed for me yesterday. She also emailed it to me then and I sat at work for a few minutes, just reading and rereading it - letting God's words of truth and life soak in.

I'm posting it here for you to enjoy and hopefully it helps you choose peace in your life. More Connolly family updates to come....

Jessi, I speak to your spirit in the name of Jesus of Nazareth.

Listen with your spirit to the Word of God for you.
Isaiah 26:3-4: “You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in You. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord, is the Rock eternal.”

The word trust is very significant in the Old Testament. It is not an act of your will, where you choose to risk something, but it is a profound emotional confidence, in which you are completely expecting things to be right. It is like the trust that you felt in the womb as you listened to your mother’s heart beat. You heard the thumping on a regular basis, your body vibrated with a rushing sound of blood as her heart pumped. You trusted in your mother’s heart – for it continued to beat minute after minute, day after day, and you had complete emotional confidence in it. That is what your Father wants you to experience with Him. He wants you to experience so much of his faithfulness that you are emotionally at peace in Him.

There is a time and a place for risking on God as an act of faith, even when your emotions don’t agree, but it is far greater, a more wonderful special gift for you, to trust and be truly at peace with what your Father is going to do and what He has called you to do. It is a more wonderful gift for your soul to be at perfect peace, not just your will to be doing what is right.

So Jessi, since this is God’s will, and since this is your birthright, I bless you with having

perfect peace that comes from trusting in the Lord. I bless you with experiencing your Father’s faithfulness, His faithful love toward you, even when others do not love you or do not consider you lovely. I bless you with experiencing His love, for your emotions to be aware, to know, to savor, to feel, to relish the love that your Father expresses toward you. I bless you with experiencing that so often that you can never doubt your Father’s love.

I bless you with experiencing your Father’s faithfulness in providing for you. Your needs change and your provisions will come from many different sources. I bless you with seeing your Father provide again and again so that you can have complete, total, emotional confidence that He will provide your daily bread.

I bless you with having perfect peace about your Father’s communication with you. He will speak at times through His Word very clearly to you, very personally to you. At times He will be silent, when even His Word will seem closed and dry, and I bless you with perfect confidence and perfect peace during the silences of god, as you stand on the things He said to you in the past. I bless you with no anxiety in the present because God has spoken so richly in the past. I bless you with the surety of knowing that He will speak again at the right time and the right place, that you will hear clearly what you need to hear at the right time to make the right decisions.

I bless you JESSI with feeling perfect peace over the timing of God in all things. I bless you with experiencing your Father’s supernatural timing time after time, for you to savor deep in your spirit His faithfulness in being, providing, arriving, communicating, changing things in exactly the right time. I bless you with having your mind steadfast on the memories of God’s past faithfulness, so that when you come up against what appears to be a crisis situation where He has not moved yet, you will have perfect peace that He will move at exactly the right time because you have experienced His timely faithfulness.

I bless you with seeing where your Father has protected you. I bless you with perfect peace because you trust in your Father’s protection of you. I bless you with experiencing His protection in the danger that comes near you but does not touch you. I bless you with first-hand knowledge of your Father’s infinite creativity in rescuing you from harm. I bless you having your eyes open, with seeing circumstances and situations where the enemy set a trap that you didn’t see, and your Father in his infinite wisdom and power removed the trap before you were aware of it. I bless you with growing experiences of His protecting your body, your soul, your spirit and the call upon your life. I bless you with seeing so much of his protection that you will trust Him as implicitly as you trusted your mother’s heartbeat.

I bless you, Jessi, with having a mind that is set on Christ, who offers this peace. I bless you in the name of Jesus of Nazareth.

I'm going to be on my pedestal for a few minutes....

So - I love pop culture and I love reading about celebrities. I check a few different websites and one of them that I regularly check will remain nameless. It is pretty raunchy, inappropriate, & annoying - but always incredibly accurate. Often I feel like maybe I shouldn't read it, since it can be quite unholy - but today I'm swearing it off forever.

The blogger is usually very harsh on celebrities and his main point in blogging is to humiliate them. Today, however, I made the decision to swear him off for good. He advertised, on his own website an article that Rolling Stone did on him. This quote on Britney Spears reminded me that there is a reason we have to draw lines sometimes between ourselves and the world:

He has a fantasy about her. In this fantasy, Britney has been paid lots of money to host a big club event. It's packed. The press is there. Britney is doing lots of drugs. She passes out. An ambulance takes her to the hospital. For the next two weeks, she's in a coma. Outside the hospital, there are "vigils, prayer circles and all that stuff." Finally, she comes out of her coma and vows to do better with her life. The point of the fantasy is, those two weeks with Britney in a coma are his idea of heaven: "Oh, my God, such a great story. I love it.

I feel really passionate about praying for celebrities and praying that God redeems all of pop culture for His glory, since He created the idea of culture in the first place. This is where I have to draw the line though... blogs are fun to read, but I'm not supporting the crazies like this anymore.

We've got one of those kids

So after several weeks of worrying about our sweet son and his chronic cold - our doctor finally diagnosed him as having severely bad allergies. We're actually really relieved to know what's been plaguing him with a runny nose, constant cough, & lately - really nasty gunky eyes.

Since he's too young to do allergy testing and since most people don't like doing it because of the pain factor - here are a few general tips for generic allergies:

- Keep windows closed at night to keep pollens or molds from drifting into the home.
- Use an air conditioner and dehumidifier to keep air clean, cool and dry.
- Keep car windows closed when traveling.
- Minimize outdoor activity on days when the pollen count or humidity is high or on windy days when mold and pollen are more likely to be blown about.
- Take vacations to lower pollen-count areas, such as the seashore.
- Use a mask when mowing or raking the lawn; both stir up pollen and molds.
- Don't hang sheets or clothing out to dry; pollen and molds collect on them.
- Take medications as prescribed in the recommended dosage. Do not take more medication to alleviate severe symptoms.
- Take a shower after spending time outdoors to remove pollen and mold that may be on your skin and hair.
- Avoid gardening in the morning when pollen counts are usually highest.
- Make sure your yard is free of troublesome weeds such as nettle, dock, English plantain, pig weed and ragweed.

(TACOMA, Wash. -- The American Academy of Allergy, Asthma and Immunology)

So.... I've been thinking

This is sort of a weird thing to say - but I'm thinking about taking the blog a little more GLOBAL. I read a lot of great mommy/christian/pop culture blogs daily. HOWEVER I don't really ever read any that encompass all three! So I got to thinking... while I don't have any special wisdom or advice to give - I can let my blog be a segway to the world of Internet parenting, celebrities, and Christianity ... at least the parts of the Internet that I can find!

I really do think it's so refreshing that Christ allows us to be who He created us to be with Him at the center. He happened to make me semi-obsessed with culture and burdened for celebrities, drawn to pregnant women and interested in parenting, AND extremely thankful to be called one who knows His grace. It's just beautiful to me that I can be a Christ-follower who loves other things (that He created) and this blog is my shout of thanks to Him for that.

So I'll be including a lot more links to great website that fall into those categories, while still keeping some of my fave personal ones to catch up on. I'll probably alternate my blogs with interesting things concerning different subjects - with the occasional personal musing.

OKAY.... I hope this is not only fun for me but readers alike:)

Jessi

Thank Goodness I bought pink clothes!

That's right... Elias is going to have a sweet sister to play with! We couldn't be more excited! To quote Nick, "I want to call Google with this information - because this is something they dont know!"

On a pregnancy note....

Thank goodness Jennifer Lopez finally admitted she's pregnant!

My friend, Lindsay Gore, found out yesterday she's having a .... girl!

We find out tomorrow and here are the stats so far:

- the blog vote is 27 to 6 favoring girl (81% to 18%)

- Katie always felt like we'd have the opposite of what Linds has, so I guess her vote is officially boy?

- I bought some prediction clothing for the baby on Monday to give to Nick if I'm right. If I'm not, thank goodness Baby Gap takes returns:)

Either way - we would love a sweet girl for Elias to protect but I can't imagine bringing another boy into this world. We're delighted to see what our family is going to look like in a few months!

love love, Jessi

sun stand still

So on Saturday, Kal was watching a sermon by Steven Furtick at elevation on our computer and I was sort of half listening. He was talking about when Joshua asked God to make the sun stand still in the Old Testament - what an audacious prayer that was & how we pray wimpy prayers that give God an out if we think He isn't strong enough. So...

Elias has been sick for about a week and while he still has a generally good temperament - his sleeping is really ridiculous when he's sick. He usually wakes up at around 8am, but when he's sick it's 4:30 for a bottle and consoling, no matter how long we let him cry it out. Last night, thinking about Pastor Furtick's challenge to his congregation - I prayed that Elias would sleep until 8am this morning, but honestly - expected little from it.

When I got in bed last night and told Nick, I also told him about how I felt the Spirit prodding me to pray something outrageous for our house situation. For the past few days I've been thinking.... full asking price by the 15th. And so that is going to be my new prayer for us. An offer of full asking price by October 15th. It's been on the market since the beginning of July and our realtor expected it to be only a few days.... three months later, we're tired of cleaning everyday and we need some direction from the Lord about where to go next.

This morning - Nick had to go wake Elias up at 8am because he was still asleep. I don't just trust that God will work something out with the house because He helped E sleep longer, but I am starting to see that He is calling us to a place of deeper faith and trust.

So pray with me if you will! Let's get excited to see what's in store!

grubby hands

Moms often talk about how much they learn from their kids and in all honesty, I don't experience that often. Maybe it's because Elias can't talk - but in general - he's not my greatest teacher just yet. His life spurs me on to be a better believer - a better mother - a risk taker, a lover, a person of wisdom, and a righteous woman. But he doesn't really sit me down and tell me what to do.





This weekend - I did begin to learn so much from his cute little life. Nick was in school all weekend, and Elias was a MESS. Friday afternoon & night - he was all over the place at Kal & Shawn's house and Saturday morning he woke up at 5 - just ready to go. Climbing, biting, just being a little boy - but for the first time - it was just too much for me. Physically, I couldn't really keep up with him and by ten am on Saturday - I was already wiped out.

I was sitting with him and finally had calmed him down for a split second - and I noticed how dirty his little baby hands were. I'm not sure how they were so gross... yucky bacteria under his nails, dried food in between his fingers, and nails longer than most acrylic sets found on women in New Jersey. Just before I threw up in my mouth at his nasty hands, I noticed how yuck my hands were too. My jaggedy nails were long and unkempt, I definitely had way more bacteria underneath them, and I think the mascara from the night before had streaked across the front of my hand from wiping my eyes that morning.

So Elias taught me - we are both in serious need of grace. Dirty hands and dirty hearts - constantly. Today we were singing at Mosaic, Come thou fount. I was certainly stopped in my tracks.

Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,

Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;

Streams of mercy, never ceasing,

Call for songs of loudest praise.

Teach me some melodious sonnet,

Sung by flaming tongues above.

Praise the mount! I’m fixed upon it,

Mount of Thy redeeming love.

Jesus sought me when a stranger,

Wandering from the fold of God;

He, to rescue me from danger,

Interposed His precious blood;

O to grace how great a debtor

Daily I’m constrained to be!

Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,

Bind my wandering heart to Thee.

Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,

Prone to leave the God I love;

Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,

Seal it for Thy courts above.

I think that says it all.

Sometimes you just feel....

bleh. It comes on quick and leaves you looking like this. Crazy hair - dirty face. A big mess.

Thankfully while Nick is in class tomorrow, Kal is going to play with Elias for an hour or two so I can spend some time with the Lord and hopefully feel (and look) a little more acceptable for society. :)

ps - this is actually an old picture Nick took just before my last haircut. We were going to take a before/after pic so I tried to look as scary as possible. I think it worked.

Anxious Heart

So it's Thursday morning and I've been up since five thirty - unable to sleep. Please tell me my little early morning nesting skills are not kicking in already. My boys are still asleep - together since E decided to grace us with his presence at 5am:) They're really precious together. Sometimes they snore in harmony.

I just feel somewhat on the cusp of life today. I know that sounds cheezy & silly but I just feel like we're at this major crossroads and either way we go - we're walking with Christ. I can't stop thinking about baby#2 and how we found out what it is next week... This weekend is running through my mind and the vast opportunities it brings. I'm excited about date night and time to download with Nick tonight.

So while I was rummaging through my heart and the internet this morning - I found this thing I wrote in feb. 06. It's not at all supposed to be beautiful or eloquent... but it's my heart right now as well. Hope you relate.

Open
fingers in my ears, I scream at the top of my lungs LA LA LA LA,

I hear myself, my needs, my fears.

My self, my voice, my unrest.

Justification over sanctification -explanation
over expansion - comfort isn't always complacency...

These lies I believe, the
hope I receive from myself, my world, my view

I see what I need to see

In your word: I read what I need to read

The louder I talk, the stronger the story

But all I do, all I think, all I say - Does it compare? distract?

Is it even cohesive with your story?

My habits, our plans, the path: Our way, at the end of the day,
is it what you

Wanted?Needed? Desired? Heeded?

pry me open.break my locks.

I'll hand you the key - albeit increasingly reluctantly.

This is Your head, Your heart, Your life, Your girl.

These are more than words -more than letters falling numbly to the page.

My pledge;my cry;my need.

Yes, the tension in responding to
Your call wells up -but the life You offer - in comparison to this -

is far too great.

Open our minds, sweep through our hearts,invade our futile and failing plans.

Expose our inabilities, capture the You in me.

Rip it out, make it first.

Feed this world Lord, quench our thirst.

a quick thought

Last night driving to small group - I was doing a little reasoning in my head & heart. I came up with this conclusion:

Having friends makes it so much easier to be believer.

I was thinking about Daniel and thinking about his three friends and how they tagged along with him. When things worked out for him, they worked out for them as well. They were truly walking through his trials and strengths with him. So thinking about friends - how far am I willing to go to walk through life with them? What am I willing to sacrifice? Do I believe that God will provide them wherever I go?

I cannot express my love for the friends God has blessed me with - starting with my mom & sister, all the way up to Rachel that I just met last week and all the sisters in between. So - here's my tribute to all of you - I'd name you but I'm not sure who reads this:) I love you ladies.

What shall we do for our sister on the day when she is spoken for? If she is a wall, we will build on her a battlement of silver,but if she is a door, we will enclose her with boards of cedar. Songs 8:8-9