another precious arrow.

Last year on Father's Day, we lost a precious arrow to heaven. 
This year on Father's Day, we were hopefully, joyfully,  & tentatively beginning the anticipation of another one. 

We are overjoyed to announce that, Lord willing, there will be a fourth Connolly kiddo arriving in February of 2013. 

Because this blog is all about telling true stories, you can expect more details soon. 

Thank you SO much to Megan of Project 54:5 photography.  You're the best. 

Is it seriously already Sunday again?

So - no, I know it's actually Saturday night but it's almost Sunday. Last Sunday is the last full day I really remember feeling like I was alive. Let me give you a brief update of our lives since my last post.

When Elias finally quit throwing up and Glory was back in bed, Nick and I sat back against our pillows and sighed with relief. Out of the corner of my eye I saw my cell phone light up and I immediately started laughing - with two girls 40 weeks pregnant, I knew our night was nowhere near over. Sure enough, Mickaela's water had broken.

The next forty-eight hours are blurry. I know I got the virus in diarrhea form, Glory got it in throw up form, Lauren got it in throw-up form, & Debi (who runs our ministry) got it in diarrhea form. Mickaela spent 28 hours in labor and eventually had an emergency c-section. (Her sweet baby girl is beautiful)

Our kids have cried & whined for countless hours and between the two of us - we've gotten barely any sleep. There were some sweet moments - Anaya Grace is beautiful & Mickaela is adjusting really well. Marilee made us so many great dairy-free delights that I've been munching on for days. I had some sweet Jesus time at small group. Kalle and I got to hang out for two days in a row, and we haven't for weeks. Also - I got to some awesome phone conversations this week. One HOUR convo with my sis, a good talk with Merry & and a nice update with Luh Hood.

Sooooo... a summary of the week:
- Our ministry here is hard, but so good. Especially when babies are born.
- I am now a germaphobic freak. Watch out for me & my Lysol can.
- I officially miss Charlotte/family intensely. Officially. Intensely.
- My mom was right, when it comes to kids: "One is none & two is twenty." And I'm adding on to that phrase - "When you all get a virus - you want to slit your wrists." Oh wait, that doesn't rhyme.
- Lastly, I'm really glad blogger is letting you write blogs & post them in the future because when I do have time to write, I always want to write like three at a time and then I don't have time for a while.


(ps - here is beautiful Anaya. Look for more new pics under Our pictures Link)

Glory baby

There is SO much I want to say but this will suffice:

Our Glory is just perfect. She would have been perfect in our eyes even with a positive diagnosis of Trisomy 18, but we're so glad to know we'll get to take her home from the hospital, run around with her, hold her, and love her for as long as God sees fit.

Thank you all SO much for your prayers and encouragment!
Jessi & Nick

State of the heart.

Tomorrow is D-Day. I still have peace. I feel really drawn to Hannah's prayer. I suppose what I can't get over is the idea of how different I feel compared to how I felt when I was pregnant with E. Whenever I felt there was a threat to him, or our life together, I held tighter. I told the Lord, point blank, I didn't think he could have Elias. I couldn't bare it.

The truth is, it has nothing to do with loving Elias more than Glory though... I think it has to do with Him and what He prepares you for. Last night, I was laying in bed and all of a sudden I was really doubting the existence of God. You know when you catch yourself just reasoning it out and saying, "There's no way. We're just all really dramatic people - we're no different from the girl on Oprah who truly believes that yoga is healing her cancer".

I wasn't letting my mind go there because of the struggle. I honestly had forgotten all about my sweet Gloriana and her tender struggle. I went to that place completely on my own. God doesn't exist. That's where my mind is able to go.

Here's the truly psycho part - when I DID remember this fight for peace we're in the middle of - THAT is what brought me out. There is no way a mother could long for a daughter the way I have, envision putting a million bows all over her sweet toe head, strategically plan how to teach her about applying lotion daily (because I believe that's the key to being a gentle lady) - and then have your hopes stolen from you by a stupid test, by a few milliliters of blood and still function.

I know for a fact there is no possible way to walk through that and still be a normal, human, living being. UNLESS - Christ is real. It's not possible to be surfing the Internet & flip from a page containing beautiful, yet really tragic pictures of trisomy babies to a page containing pictures of pink, adorable crib bedding - all the while knowing one of those pages (though vastly different) holds your future. UNLESS Christ exists.

So I've been reading a lot again about Hannah & her prayer in 1 Samuel. After the Lord remembered her and gave her Samuel - she remembered her promise and gave Samuel over to the Lord. He lived away from her, in the temple. This is what her heart was able to say after she let him go, "My heart rejoices in the Lord... There is no one besides you; there is no Rock like our God... The Lord brings death and makes alive, he brings down to the grave and raises up... He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap".

A sweet friend prayed this prayer over me when I was pregnant with Elias and later I went back to read and study it. I couldn't get a grip on it - E was already so dear to me, I couldn't understand the purpose in Hannah's sacrifice. I've been laughing at myself over the past few days as I read and reread what I wrote beside this passage in my bible:

"Why want a son so badly only to give him up? What is the purpose? Where is the honor in bearing children? Teach my heart Lord...."

I was so confused - so upset that God would call us to be mothers only to ask that we continually understand children are not OURS. I asked the Lord to teach my heart and He has. Amen.

Going Public

The past few days for Nick and I have been extremely beautiful, a little bit painful, and they have certainly revealed the character of our Lord. On Thursday morning, we received the news that our sweet Glory Baby had tested with a high probability of having a chromosomal disorder known as Trisomy 18, or Edward's Syndrome. Trisomy 18 is a fatal genetic disorder - where 50% of the babies die in utero, 10% live for up to 24 hours and just 5% make it to one year. We knew we'd be waiting until this morning to get any kind of news - so we just sort of tucked in, prayed for peace, and waited.

Beginning on Thursday morning - Jesus absolutely poured peace over us. Just two hours after the call - we felt really comforted by Him and absolutely assured that this was not His desire. In a time where I completely expected to feel angry with the Lord or as if He just truly didn't exist - I could not ignore the intense feeling that He was as heart-broken as we were.

It was really helpful to have family here this weekend, to keep us distracted and pray. I was so excited for Sunday because I was getting to share my testimony at Mosaic as part of 'The View', a four-woman panel discussing our current series, Seduced. It was so fun and I pray God was truly glorified through our opinions and stories. All day on Sunday - different women were asking me to pray for them and whether I knew their specific situations or not, I knew to pray for peace. I knew if God could provide His perfect peace for me despite waiting on these results - He could provide peace for anyone.

So... today. We went through a really extensive Level II ultrasound, and the doctor was able to tell us that from what they could see there were no major physical deformities. With Trisomy 18, the baby can either have a huge fatal deformity - such as a hole in the heart, or they can just not be able to function outside of the womb. Since we didn't get any conclusive results from the ultrasound, we had to have some other tests done and we'll get a definite result on Wednesday.

Again, I feel God's perfect peace. Nick and I have had the phrase "drink this cup" on our minds all weekend, and we've even had others who were unaware of our circumstances prophesy that we were needing to do just that. If we find out on Wednesday that our precious lovey is just fine - I can't tell you how much I'll still be praising God for this time to know His heart so much better. On the other hand, if we find out the opposite - we will not stop praising God for His Glory.

So.... I've been thinking

This is sort of a weird thing to say - but I'm thinking about taking the blog a little more GLOBAL. I read a lot of great mommy/christian/pop culture blogs daily. HOWEVER I don't really ever read any that encompass all three! So I got to thinking... while I don't have any special wisdom or advice to give - I can let my blog be a segway to the world of Internet parenting, celebrities, and Christianity ... at least the parts of the Internet that I can find!

I really do think it's so refreshing that Christ allows us to be who He created us to be with Him at the center. He happened to make me semi-obsessed with culture and burdened for celebrities, drawn to pregnant women and interested in parenting, AND extremely thankful to be called one who knows His grace. It's just beautiful to me that I can be a Christ-follower who loves other things (that He created) and this blog is my shout of thanks to Him for that.

So I'll be including a lot more links to great website that fall into those categories, while still keeping some of my fave personal ones to catch up on. I'll probably alternate my blogs with interesting things concerning different subjects - with the occasional personal musing.

OKAY.... I hope this is not only fun for me but readers alike:)

Jessi

On a pregnancy note....

Thank goodness Jennifer Lopez finally admitted she's pregnant!

My friend, Lindsay Gore, found out yesterday she's having a .... girl!

We find out tomorrow and here are the stats so far:

- the blog vote is 27 to 6 favoring girl (81% to 18%)

- Katie always felt like we'd have the opposite of what Linds has, so I guess her vote is officially boy?

- I bought some prediction clothing for the baby on Monday to give to Nick if I'm right. If I'm not, thank goodness Baby Gap takes returns:)

Either way - we would love a sweet girl for Elias to protect but I can't imagine bringing another boy into this world. We're delighted to see what our family is going to look like in a few months!

love love, Jessi

Hilarious

So I always read alot of other people's blogs - but tonight I was captivated by the blog of Pastor Perry Noble. I started reading all of his HILARIOUS entries about his daughter before and after she was born. Seriously - for the last hour, I've been just reading quotes to Nick, so now I'll share them with you all. For reference - Perry is the pastor at NewSpring in South Carolina, his wife's name is Lucretia & his newborn daughter's name is Charisse.

'ACTUALLY…Lucretia and I have talked…she (Charisse) can date when she is 15…she just can’t brush her teeth, shave her legs, or use deodorant until she is 40!!! I think that is being fair!!!'

'A girl!!! I am so in trouble!!! I said her name today in a conversation and started to tear up!!! Oh my gosh…I’m doing it now–what in the heck is happening to me? Dear God, please don’t let me start listening to “Butterfly Kisses!!!” AHHHHHH!!'

'Well…there you go…wow, I am amazed at what I saw today. Lucretia and I walked out of the doctors office and prayed right in the lobby of the hospital…I prayed for her salvation, for us to be godly parents, for her to continue to be healthy.
When I finished prayed ‘Cretia said, “You didn’t pray for her future husband.” I said, “EXACTLY!!!”'

So all of these girl-baby quotes are extra pertinent because I have to say - I'm ready to put my vote in. I'm almost positive this baby is girl after today. My biggest clue is - My body is like a completely different life form compared to my last pregnancy. Before I even took a pregnancy test, I had to buy maternity pants when I was pregnant with Elias. Right now, my body is definitely growing - but I can wear every single pair of normal pants, I just have this massive pouch above my top button.

If you touch like 6 inches below my chest - I'm rock hard like I have Kalle abs or something, but really - it's all baby. ALSO - I had the greatest manicure/pedicure today that my friend Lauren gave me for my birthday & I had the greatest girl pampering me! Her name was Holly & she's positive this is a girl - so we'll see. Lord knows I've been wrong about plenty in this life.

Either way - this next baby WILL be wearing baby leg warmers. I always wanted to buy these for Elias but didn't want to de-man him.

My favorite time of day

A lot of people have been asking me how this pregnancy so far has compared to the last. That is a MASSIVE question & I could answer it in a million different ways. I've been doing a lot of praying about this baby and a lot of praying for Elias and a lot of writing about how it feels to be giving my son a sibling. However, the biggest difference is how I feel physically. With Elias, I was obviously so excited but I was sick as a dog. Mornings were bad - I was on the brink of throwing up constantly. Nights were worse - I had flu like symptoms from 5pm on... With this baby, I feel frighteningly good. Every few days I'll feel a little sick in the morning & I get queasy when I haven't eaten - but in general, God has really blessed me great health. So now - my mornings are completely different than a year ago.


In the a.m., we really could call Elias 'old faithful'. Every morning at around 7:10, we hear his first little mumblings and either Nick or I will run down and get him. We bring him into bed with us, and one of us will give him a bottle. The next hour is positively my favorite time of day. After he takes his bottle, all snuggled up between us, he'll either take a quick catnap, or jump right into the fun. He is just like his mama in the mornings, we both wake up on level ten. He'll lay in between Nick & I, making sure we're both there by keeping a hand on both of us. He snuggles and nuzzles and rubs all over us. If Nick makes the mistake of falling back asleep - I show Elias how to lift up the covers (Nick hides himself) and attack Dad with kisses, grabs, and pinches.

Every morning, I'm astounded at the love and personality of our first-born. He is seven months old and he shines with the radiance of God's creation - it's incredible. He is curious, sweet, loving, and excited. I cannot wait till there is four of us in the bed next year ... and just think, three of us will be able to tell each other with words how uch we cherish the morning.

man... my ankle is so swollen I feel pregnant. Oh wait.

So this morning, I was running around like a chicken (blah blah blah) and I had to get Elias out of the house pretty quickly because our townhouse is open for viewing from 9am to 4pm so I didn't want to overlap with anyone. I was leaving our building - carrying a Diet Coke, keys, Elias' diaper bag, and my makeup. I was almost out the door to the building when I BIT IT. Elias was fine, he never even fell, but I knew instantly that something was really wrong with my foot. I could hear some of our neighbors were home and starting screaming for help but then I remembered that those particular neighbors are hearing impaired and even though they both have cochlear implants, I knew they couldn't hear me screaming all the way downstairs. So I called Nick and got him to come home and finally hobbled out to the car so Elias and I would at least be in the air-conditioning. Elias was fine but he just looked at me like I was nuts and kept hugging my arm to comfort me. Nick came home, ran in and got all our bags from off the floor, grabbed some frozen broccoli and came to my rescue. We were both pretty stressed out, and the reason is..... we've got another little bebe on the way. We wanted to make sure I hadn't hurt the precious one and we already had an ultrasound scheduled and the result is....

Everything is great. 9 weeks. pretty little heartbeat. Elias can't wait.

The ankle, however, is not so beautiful. We'll give it a few days. It's just a bad sprain.

Love love.