For Katie

The purpose of such a silly photo - you ask?
a) to respond to my sister's blog showing me her so-called pregnant belly. THIS is pregnant belly. Or a water buffalo loose in the wild - I'm not sure.
b) to show my mom & sister I dyed my hair brown. Oops, think I forgot to mention that.
c) because Faythe (our new assistant) and I decided EVERYONE needs to take a myspace-y hold the camera yourself in the mirror pic atleast once in their life.

Copying

So - I've been inspired by Jason's beautiful words about Kelly and Denise's amazing blog about Mark and I thought I'd share a few things about Nick that are incredibly special and amazing - and that you probably don't know.

- My husband is the most faithful person I know. It's something the Lord has gifted him in, but I know he has to choose obedience in this area as well. When there is a problem or a potential crisis - his first thought is always that the Lord will take care of us. I jokingly call him Moses behind his back.
- Last night he did my laundry without me asking or anything - just to help me out.
- Even though he's not an incredibly verbal person, he expresses his love for Elias unashamedly. Sometimes out of the blue he'll just say "gosh, I love him so much".
- He is intensely focused on taking care of me - in big and little ways. Whether its making sure our needs are met or planning to get a new mattress because I'm having a hard time with my back, he's a provider through and through.
- He's an amazing, AMAZING chef. Inventive, healthy, and hearty. My faves.
- He has an incredibly teachable spirit. If we disagree about something and come to a head on an issue, we can revisit it days later and he'll admit if he was wrong or he'll meet me in the middle.
- He puts up with me, and three other pregnant women presently - enough said.

One of the sweetest days of my life thus far

Zion David

our first new beginnings baby...

Were at the hospital now after a successful delivery of our first New Beginnings baby... Zion David. Anna made it beautifully through her c-section and both are doing well. Its been truly amazing to be apart of this process and see God work through this open adoption process. Pictures to come...

My glory.

"Therefore I am now going to allure her;
I will lead her into the desert
and speak tenderly to her.

There I will give her back her vineyards,
and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope.
There she will sing as in the days of her youth,
as in the day she came up out of Egypt.

"In that day," declares the LORD,
"you will call me 'my husband';
you will no longer call me 'my master.'

I will remove the names of the Baals from her lips;
no longer will their names be invoked.

In that day I will make a covenant for them
with the beasts of the field and the birds of the air
and the creatures that move along the ground.
Bow and sword and battle
I will abolish from the land,
so that all may lie down in safety.

I will betroth you to me forever;
I will betroth you in righteousness and justice,
in love and compassion.

I will betroth you in faithfulness,
and you will acknowledge the LORD.

"In that day I will respond,"
declares the LORD—
"I will respond to the skies,
and they will respond to the earth;

and the earth will respond to the grain,
the new wine and oil,
and they will respond to Jezreel.

I will plant her for myself in the land;
I will show my love to the one I called 'Not my loved one. '
I will say to those called 'Not my people, ' 'You are my people';
and they will say, 'You are my God.'
Hosea 2.


Today Nick and I had the Ellen Show on in the background while we cut Elias' 10 foot long nails, and The Jonas Brothers happened to be on. Of course there were hundreds of prepubescent girls screaming at them - singing along and nearly fainting with love-sick desire. Nick asked me what we'll do when Glory reaches that age - where she's screaming and hollering for some random boy band. I'm not quite sure what the answer to that question is, I figure I'll have to call my sister and mom & ask their advice. But it did get me to thinking about how much we long for love as women...

The girls and I are reading 'A Woman and her God' for our small group and this week's reading is all about how when we don't go to God to fulfill our needs, we resort to subsistence or substitution living. Subsistant living is when we go around begging others for what we think we need - encouragment, support, and love. Substitution living is when we full out worship idols or other gods rather than our Creator. This week I'm praying this passage from Hosea for the girls.... that they'd see Jesus as the lover who is calling them home, daily.

I obviously am also praying it for myself and my Glory girl. I pray that I'd live in a way that shows her The One who is always calling to her and who longs to speak tenderly to her. It's in our very nature to scream like a schoolgirl at our hero, our lover, the one we long to walk with... it will just take some time for me to show her that is Jesus - not the youngest of the Jonas brothers.

crazy few days....

The last few days have been absolutely nutty. Nick's birthday on Wednesday... Thursday morning I went to my first Mars Hill bible study and Thursday night the girls and I had our first "ladies night/small group". Yesterday we found out one of our girls, Anna, is going to be having a c-section this coming Tuesday due to advanced placenta previa, then last night we went out with Kal/Shawn & Kel/Jason. Today - I'm running around like a chicken... blah blah blah, getting everything ready for Anna's surgery/hospital time - Nick is at the Mars Hill men's training day, Kalle is playing with Elias, and tonight the girls are going to church with Nick.

Two bits of prayer, if you have time: Please pray for Anna - her section is scheduled for Tuesday morning at 7:30am. We would also covet your prayers for the parents/family who are going to be adopting her son. They are truly a blessing and seem to be wonderful people.

Secondly - we may have a temporary fix for our lack of assistant/nanny situation. I really feel like this answer is from the Lord and would be great to get us through our first three girls & Glory's birth - but we want to listen to Him in all things.

On a lighter note - Nick got me a 'crackberry' for ministry purposes. Ha - it's actually not a blackberry, it's a TMobile dash, but I could not love it more and I can't get off of it. Yesterday during Anna's doctors appointment, I was putting all her C-section appointments into it and she pointed out that she thought I would probably need rehab from it when it's time for me to get a new phone. We'll see:)

Nick's Birthday

so... today my very hot and amazing husband turns 25. What an oooold man he is.

This time last year on his birthday, we were GREATLY anticipating Elias' birth - I'm not sure there was anything I could think about besides that. I remember going to dinner for a joint party with Stace/Nick ... and not really being able to fit in the booth at Cantina in Charlotte because my stomach was so big. I remember how hopeful Nick was that Elias would come on his birthday... only to show up two weeks later. I remember wishing I had more money so I get him a gift, but alas - we were broke & I couldn't.

So today for his 25 birthday, I'm feeding Elias waffles, hearing Nick shuffling around upstairs, getting excited about the cakes I made him that actually turned okay, and praying he feels extremely special today. Presents - check. Cake - check. I still have two months to go, but it's a great possibility that one of our girls could go into labor today, so baby on birthday possibility - check. Good friends - check (We're meeting Kal & Shawn in downtown Seattle, then having a big birthday dinner on Friday with Kelly & Jason).

Happy Birthday Nick! I hope you feel EXTREMELY special and loved!
Jessi

Tears

I think it's safe to say that babies cry, for the most part, because they can't express what's happening to them. They are in pain or they hurt, or maybe they're just itchy - but they can't just out and out explain it, so they let it flow.

A good part of my heart is trying intensely hard to be fine, to feel like I'm not devastated by the distance to the women that hold my heart back in the Carolinas. The steady refrain that is on repeat is screaming, "You have all of eternity to be with them - you have one life to answer Christ's call. Buck up, deal with it, and don't even think about shedding a tear." The problem is, my brain works very, very well and it is loud and stubborn. Rationality wins out hour after hour after hour - and I know the truth: This is not that bad. God will reunite us. They have a purpose to fulfill there and I have a purpose to fulfill here. I have my husband, which is so much of a gift. I have a few friends here, which is more than I should ask for.

But every so often, I feel like a six month old, who can't verbalize what's wrong. I'm lonely - but no, that's not it really. I feel like I have no one to talk to, but I honestly do. The phone works, people are nearby. Everything seems totally normal on the outside - I'm just hurting. I'm just in pain and can't express it, even to myself. For these times... I could not be more thankful for the Holy Spirit - who is constantly groaning and interceding on my behalf. If that's theologically or biblically wrong, I don't want to know. If I'm misinterpreting, please don't tell me. Right now the comfort I'm receiving from believing that the wind of God is carrying my heart up to Jesus and He understands is what's getting me through.

Jesus - He's my Savior and He's even better than the woman I saw on Oprah once who could interpret babies cries.

Just a little prego photoshoot.

Our quiver is full.

Last week at church, Pastor Mark said that we should realize everyone's quiver is a different size. For some people, fifteen children is the way to go - for some, two is plenty and what they can handle. As of last night, I think I'm able to say joyfully & thankfully - our quiver is full. We had all three girls staying with us last night and it just felt right. They seem to really get along well and their personalities blend great. Parts of this journey have truly felt blind - we heard God's call and it didn't always make sense... but our sight was restored last night and it looked beautiful. Of course these aren't our children and of course we'll make room excitedly for Glory girl in March - but until then, we're really thankful for all that's in our house.

A day of Firsts for us

Tonight I had the privilege of going to my very first childbirth class - not for myself, but for one of the new girls we have staying with us. We were a hilarious bunch - two pregnant women, only a few weeks apart, there with all the other husband/wife couples. I have to say - I'm not quite sure why we didn't go to childbirth class when we were expecting Elias... but Nick got it goooood. They don't come at you easy - in the first fifteen minutes they had us watching a live birth and a live delivery of the placenta. Yummmy.

So right now, we're living another first with our first night of having girls in the house. We actually only have one, one young lady is slowly transitioning in this week, the last will be here on Friday - then we'll be set. It has been a nice transition week and now we're ready to get going. Nick cooked the girls & I his great and awesome dish of spaghetti casserole.

Another first - we went grocery shopping for six people for a two-week span. My sister and I always debate about whether or not grocery shopping is fun - usually I love it, but today I lost my passion for perusing those grand aisles. After our hour and a half jaunt through Fred Meyer, (for southerners... Fred Meyer is Harris Teeter/Wal-Mart/Target all in one, quite amazing) I was having some massive contractions and I was about ready to die. AND we weren't even done. Grocery shopping for this house is going to take a Fred Meyer trip, a Target trip (mostly because Diet Coke & baby food is cheapest there), and a Costco visit. However - I do think coupon clipping is in my future. Oh the joy of domesticity.

After such a momentous day - I'm pooped and ready for a little husband time. I'm going to run up to our sanctuary of a room - how it's a sanctuary with 20 boxes in it, I'm not sure... but probably just because my husband is there, and a good book.

First day at Mars Hill...

So today was our first day at Mars Hill & I couldn't have been more excited - just to hear what Pastor Mark is teaching on. The next nine weeks he's teaching from questions that he let the entire church vote on - questions that they wanted answered by him. This week was answering the question about birth control - what is his personal view & the church's official stance. His reply was very thoughtful and informative. This is something I'm passionate about and have read a great deal on and I still learned a ton from his message. Also - it's so encouraging that our pastor can take a message on birth control & turn it into a very serious oppurtunity for salvation to be preached. So sweet.

Feel free to download the free podcast, but I'm attaching a link to his notes that he made public. Hope it's helpful!
http://voxpopnetwork.com/vision/2008/01/06/christian-birth-control-options/

Unexpected Blessings

Yesterday afternoon we recieved about 15 boxes of wrapped Christmas gifts for Glory & Elias - from a random construction company that supports New Beginnings. Not only had they taken the time to find out the ages and names, but they had individually wrapped all the gifts. There are also several gifts for each of the three girls who will be here by the end of next week from the same company.


Debi & Miles, who run New Beginnings, also run a foodbank. Our fridge is so stocked with the most fresh and delicious meats and veggies you've ever seen. That combined with my husband's culinary skill is providing for delicious and healthy eating in 2008. Praise God.



Suprisingly, Elias is still transitioning so well to his new life. Today he was playing nicely while we did some stuff around the house & Nick and I caught him climbing on top of one his toy boxes. He had reached around the top of it and pulled himself up - with all his strength and might. We're proud of him for growing so well and getting so strong - but freaked out that he can do things like that.

...

Last but not least - we got our first piece of exciting mail today. We were eating lunch and saw the mail-woman pull up and one of Debi & Miles' twin boys ran in with a package! It was Beth Moore's new bible study - 90 Days with Jesus, from my mom! I'm so excited to dig in - especially because her and my sister are doing it right now! God is good. Period.

Some wisdom tidbits

I'm certainly blogging much more than I thought I'd have time to - life is slower here even though we're so overwhelmed with all we have to do. I know it will pick up once we have girls in the house next week - but right now, even with 20 boxes surrounding me, it's easy to feel like.... what's next? My mom & sister have been bearing the brunt of this too since I've been calling them both a little too frequently. It just makes me feel normal, I suppose.

I just read the first two days of the new devotional Nick got for me on his journey and both were so perfect for this season, I had to share them. We've received so much encouragment about New Beginnings and what we're doing here and I just feel like I need to be a little more truthful about what it's like to be in our shoes right now. We are very much in awe of what God has done through this ministry, and we're very ready to be apart of it - but stepping into a position like this can also make you feel really terrified about losing your personal space, time, and pleasure. Those who know us closely know that we are not naturally selfless people and we're certainly not natural missionaries - just waking up ready to give of ourselves.

So the new devotion - Devotional Classics, features a great Christian theologian everyday and these first two days have been so challenging. I asked NIck for a daily devotional that was meaty & he delivered. The first offering was written by CS Lewis and was called 'Giving All to Christ'. He wrote about how we, as believers, try to wake up in the morning and act more like Jesus - but we end up being miserable because it's just not fun to try and be something we're not. He said we're like eggs - trying to fly, without realizing we must be hatched. To quote... "For what we are trying to do is remain 'ourselves', to keep personal happiness as our great aim in life, and yet at the same time be 'good'. We are all trying to let our mind and heart go their own way - centered on money or pleasure or ambition - hoping, in spite of this, to behave honestly and chastely and humbly."

He said the solution is to wake in the morning and 'come in out of the wind' of our desires and personal gain. To die to Christ, and get out of bed with His ambitions - His directions - His desires. Wow. I prayed that this morning and will probably need to each morning for the rest of my life.... "Lord, help me come in out of the wind."

..... Today's devotion was the perfect follow up to yesterday. It was written by Dallas Willard and was about discipleship and how we aren't teaching it in the church anymore. He describes discipleship in Jesus' time as going with Him, in an attitude of study, obedience, and imitation. He said that "when confronted with the example and teachings of Christ, the response today is less one of rebellion or rejection than one of puzzlement. How do we relate to these? What have they to do with us?"

The one line I'm left with this from this passage is the following: Non-discipleship costs abiding peace. Nick and I are learning that lesson by the hour here.... when we fail to relent to God's will and when we put our life before His true life - we're left without any peace and anyone to blame. I wish I didn't have to wait to learn these lessons and I really pray that when God calls us away from this season, I'll be just as prone to a life of 'coming in out of the wind' as I'm being forced to experience now. Either way - I'm so thankful for this wisdon and I hope it's helpful to you!

Ode to my Husband

updates to come - this post is dedicated to my partner in life. we were driving tonight, navigating through our new town in the rain, of course and this song came on - our first dance from the wedding. it just reminded me why i love him so much and why i love marriage so much.

"Made for You", by Watermark
Darling, you should know by now
But I know I need to tell you how
I don't always have the words
But I pray that it's my heart you've heard

I love to hear your heart
Telling of your love
Telling me you'll stay forever
I thank you for your touch
And for loving me that much
To know the things I need to hear....

Remember I promised forever
Life brings change
But my promise is the same
And through these years we've been together
Life has made us grow
But through it all I know
No matter what may come
My heart was made for you forever

Darling I need to confess
It's hard to show my weakness
I want so much to show you strength
Without revealing everything

You know what I always say
"When your weak, your strong, to me"
It's another way of loving me
'cause when I see your heart
I get carried through
The reasons why I fell in love with you

Remember I promised forever
Life brings change
But my promise is the same
And through these years we've been together
Life has made us grow
But through it all I know
No matter what may come
My heart was made for you forever

You've dreamed with me
Every dream came true
You've shared with me every emotion
Every tear and every loss
Every road that we have crossed
I have always found a home in you

And....

We're here! Elias and I made it in safe and we're here with our Dad/Husband! Thanks for your prayers and love.

Pictures to come asap.

If you're curious - the plane ride was actually comical. Elias, the baby who never throws up - threw up in the first five minutes, only slept for 45 minutes of the 6 hours, and cried for two hours straight. We were those people:) But we made it and we appreciate each other SO much more.

New Beginnings

Tonight's my last night on the East Coast.
By this time tomorrow, E and I will be halfway to Washington State.
My mom and I were talking tonight about whether or not we felt a fresh start by the calendar simply changing over to 2008. I've never thought about it really before but if any year is going to be a vast change - this is it.
Gaining a child.
Moving across country.
Going into full-time ministry.
Also gaining another niece or nephew.

I have a ton of new years resolutions this year... go back to pre-Elias body, work out a certain number of times per week, not get pregnant again this calendar year, become more servant-hearted, and most importantly - understand the Lord's heart a little better. I read about Him, talk about Him... but I know I don't understand who He is. I want to know Him so much better. One time I heard Christy Nockels, of Watermark, speaking at a conference and she said something that stuck with me ever since - A daughter who understands her Father is a better sister, friend, wife, & mother because she does.

It's simple but I think it will take much longer than the all the days of 2008 have to offer.