a joyful day. (glor update 7.3.12)

If yesterday was about sustaining, I feel like today was about God-given joy. 


Glory just woke up over the top joyful. If you know her, you know she is INFECTIOUS. She just makes you happy when she's happy. Her nurses were absolutely delighting in her all day - making her special things and trying to sneak her ice cream round the clock. 


We got her EEG done around noon and met with her new neurologist. This was so encouraging because we saw he wanted to push for answers just as much as we did. He ordered a catscan and let us know that he wanted her home as quick as possible, but with as much information as possible. 


We were really, really, really hoping for answers and we got some. 
And not big scary monster answers, which is a blessing I still can't quite take in! 
Essentially, the scar tissue that was bothering Glory a year ago is still really bothering her. It's not something we can treat or fix, but we are going to go back to some aggressive medication to keep her from having these violent wake-to-sleep seizures. They still don't see any epileptic brain activity and they couldn't induce a seizure today which makes us feel so much more confident that she doesn't have any normal form of epilepsy - but she does need protection from these seizures. 


So, we're going to do all we can to protect her! 


I want to tell you some joyful things from today: 
- on Sunday night before I went to bed, I was praying and just asking the Lord for help. I knew that my heart was distracted from my kiddos and I just needed to be pulled back in to really see them and hear them all the time. I'm so joyful for these days I've had with her - to see her and hear her heart. She is such a joy. And I'm so thankful to have two boys that I LONG to see tomorrow. I want to cuddle with them for 3 days straight. 
- I'm so thankful for our Gospel Community here. Our friends who have selflessly watched the boys, offered to bring food, and a few of Glory's precious friends & their mamas who came by today. She was supposed to go to a friend's birthday tea party today and obviously, couldn't make it. Her sweet friends brought the party to her! Decorations, treats, and even a gift. 
- I'm super thankful for our nurses today. They loved all three of us very hard and spoiled us rotten.
- I'm incredibly thankful for my husband. He is a rock and a protector. When he left tonight to go be with the boys, he gave every nurse on the hall his cell phone number with strict instructions to watch Glory and I. He's only left our side to serve us or the boys in the last 2 days. 
- I'm super thankful for my online & far away friends. Sometimes I feel like such a weirdo to have an "online life" and then something like this happens and I'm blown away with how uplifting that community is. Thank you. 


Just thankful & joyful over here. 
Gonna go stare at my girl while she sleeps and get excited about hugging my boys tomorrow. Thank you, thank you for your prayers and encouragement. 

our glory is FOUR.

perfectly made.

if you're unfamiliar with our sweet girl's miraculous story - 

you could start here. 

and read some here too. 

she's been through a lot and God has 

gotten much glory from people petitioning 

for her life and her health. 

we want to thank the thousands of people who 

have lifted her up to Him. 

thank you, thank you, thank you. 

Oh my girl. My girl.

This has been a year, huh?

just being your wild and precious self

On your fourth birthday, I can’t think of a better way to start my day than to praise our Father who created you in all of your intricate and beautiful complexities, chose you for our family to love and shepherd and raise, and of course – sustained you miraculously throughout this last year. I’m pretty sure that if I look in your face long enough, my heart just automatically starts to praise Him. Your smile is THAT beautiful, your heart is THAT interesting and lovely, your future is THAT exciting – that my heart just bursts open and upward at the thought of you. He made you powerfully. He made you skillfully. He made you perfectly. He made you lovely.

with your favorites

So I’d love to just pray for you this morning, Lovey – and I will as soon as I put this computer down. I can’t wait to do this day with you. I can’t wait to do this year with you!

The big plans are for Dad to take you to breakfast, then I’m taking you for some special girl time and then tonight, HOT DOGS! (just like you asked for) and cupcakes with some of our friends. I hope it’s a fun and memorable day for you. I hope this year is one of the best of your life.

I love you glory-ory.

Mama. 

oh my achin' heart

I was that mom who dreamed about preschool. 

When Elias was about a year old, I started looking at preschools in Washington state. How much were they? How long did they go? What educational value did the offer? I would make jokes about how preschool couldn't come soon enough. 

I want to punch that three years ago Jessi in the mouth today. 

A few months ago, we decided it was definitely time. Preschool was definitely right for Elias and he was craving school like no other. We knew if he went and Glory didn't, I'd be getting punched in the mouth. (sidebar: where does she GET that violent behavior?!) And so we researched and prayed and put our names on the list. 

And wait, hold up. Is it already September? 

Well, then I suppose it's time for this. 

pre-preschool breakfast

do they HAVE to go? 

i suppose so. 

males of the world, I'm warning you now. Forget her dad. She will CUT you.

toddler ladies. sure, he's handsome and all, but all that hair?!
he'd have to go for haircuts like once a month. his dad sure does.

oh Lord. They're yours. 

So we did lots of talking about salt & light. 
A meet-the-teacher day. 
A few "school supplies" trips to make Benja feel like he's in the cool crowd. 
One sweet bebe may not have made it the whole first day. 
They had FANTASTIC second & third days. 
And just like that, we're a school family. 


Elias LOVES school. He's a natural. 
Glory tentatively loves school. I will say this, I'm incredibly impressed each time I come to pick her up and peek in her class and see her sitting on her spot on the reading rug. For like FOUR MINUTES STRAIGHT. 
Benja, obvi, loves them going to school. I may have set a bad pattern because the past two days he's asked to go to Target and Starbucks, specifically. Oh lawdy. 
And me, I love school. I feel like I'm definitely a school mom. 
I love the early mornings, the three hours with just one kiddo, how precious they are when they return. Somehow Elias has quadrupled in smartness, Glory's cuteness has exploded all over this earth, and Benja... welllllll, we already knew I was his biggest fan. 


And this is our new life. 
And I'm thankful. 
.............................
pppppps: have you seen this new print? 
It is literally my fave so far & I printed one for myself ASAP & framed that puppy. 
Also, the past few weeks, I've been working on a lot of baby announcements, shower invites, and custom prints and I'm falling back in love with custom work. Have a project you need done? Contact me. 

oh, and this one too!

Happiest of Fridays to you friends. 
Call on His great name! 

an update on Glory.

Ok. I'm ready to write this. 
I have never put off a post with such intention:). 

Also, all hospital pictures are old. 

We're not currently in the hospital, 

we just thought these were a little too sad to post while we were in the hospital:). 

Glor during her first EEG, if you know Glor - you can imagine how easily she ripped every. single. one. of those glued in sensors out upon waking:)

I'm sure you can imagine, but the morning I found Glory seizing was by far the worst hour of my life. My heart breaks for those of you who know what I'm talking about, or for those of you who have experienced far worse. I don't say that lightly. My heart breaks for you. We got a video monitor mostly because I was scared I'd never be able to have another morning quiet time again, always thinking back to that morning. I was just sitting here, drinking coffee, praying and reading and she was in her room, going through something awful physically, convulsing and fever skyrocketing. And I didn't know. And then I found her and it was even more awful. I knew nothing about seizures but I knew they didn't normally last fifteen minutes, thirty minutes, and keep going. The EMT first assured us, it was probably nothing, but as she passed the four seizure mark and kept climbing, there was no more assurance. And then they couldn't get it to stop and oh ya'll. It was awful. 


It was so awful. I wish I could just cry through typing. 
As I write this, I'm just crying my eyes out and Nick is looking at me knowingly and hilariously. Hence, why I put it off so long. 
She is just so special. I know you know if you have any kids, they are all SO SPECIAL. They're all our favorite. They're all like our hearts walking around outside of our bodies. 
So to see the most full of life person I've ever met, completely detached and out of control and lifeless, with no guarantee we'd see her as herself again, was heart-breaking. To hear my husband crying her name and groaning Jesus' name in the next breath, was awful. And even when she woke up, she wasn't our girl. She couldn't talk, couldn't talk, she was belligerent, angry, upset. For days. Some of which the doctors expected, but as it continued and even increased, we could see the look of worry in doctor's and nurses. At one point, they even told us, they needed to see "a new child" in 24 hours or they would assume she'd suffered some other intense brain injury. It was all a little awful. So we started praying. Well, shoot, we were already praying. We started praying a little more vigorously. 

the awake pictures are more sad than the sleeping ones. This was taken 48 hours after seizures, she was still pretty incapable of talking and was consistently hysterical. I'm smiling because she's alive, but terrified she's not coming back.

And that's the part I want to tell you about. 
All in about a span of an hour, the Lord really brought Nick and I to our breaking point of concern. Something was NOT RIGHT. We'd received the news of what was causing her epilepsy, but something was still very wrong. In all honesty, something had been incredibly wrong with her for weeks and we were no longer willing to accept that any of it was normal or ok or just a phase. In that same hour, her wonderful doctor sat us down and concurred - this was not ok. She should be walking and talking by now. She shouldn't be so upset and she  shouldn't be so upset that she is biting IV's out with her teeth. She should be sleeping more than 2 hours in 24. Friends who came to pray agreed and encouraged us to pray, something was not right. My sister, without prompting from me, but only from the Spirit, arranged a group of people to pray through the night. We needed a break through. 


When all the visitors were gone and she had passed out after an hour long fit, we shut the door, asked the nurses for privacy, and went to battle. For our girl, for our family. We repented for the things we'd let creep into our hearts and our family, and we just cried out - in Jesus' name, for protection and healing over our girl, for the Lord to use this situation to bring people directly to Him in salvation, for her to love and long for Him again. To have our girl back. To give us the strength, as parents, to move forward pointing our children to Christ alone, to trust in the gospel alone, to proclaim His name alone as good in this world. We prayed specifically that not only would the Lord make her "a new girl", but that her doctors would acknowledge that and we'd give all glory to God. 


This is where I have a hard time writing about it. Because in that space of time, He really DID NOT HAVE to heal her. He still would've been good, and holy, and loving, and real. I pray that we would've known the bad news of the gospel and the good news of the gospel just as strongly the next day, had she woken up with a deteriorated  condition. But the Lord wrote her story otherwise, and we are of course so thankful He did. She woke up a new girl. She could walk and talk and feed herself. There were no more violent fits, only normal three year old ones. She slept all night and all night every night since then. (sleep has been a big deal with Glor's epilepsy. We're not sure if it's chicken or the egg, but she stopped sleeping a few months ago and it's kind of a weighty connection) At some point, as I was sleeping that night - I woke up and thought, "A) She is STILL sleeping. Praise God. and B) This room is filled with angels guarding and fighting for her, I'm sure of it. I can go back to sleep." The next morning, her doctor even said, "well - she is a new girl". 

sweet lady

Since then, she's had no major seizures. PRAISE GOD. We went home with an appointment for a follow up EEG that happens in the next week or so, some emergency seizure meds, daily meds, and a kind of broad understanding of epilepsy. Since then we've read a lot, we've researched and changed our diet a bit more, I've done a good bit of overreacting and long periods of video monitor watching. She's playing and laughing and sleeping. I worry constantly that she's having small seizures and Nick does his best to reassure me. The doctors have said to try and not worry too much till we see her next test results, that it should hopefully tell us more what epilepsy looks like for her. 


We're of course praying for good news, but we're trying to live from a place that knows the bad news of the gospel is so much worse than the worst news we've ever received. Our sin and need for Christ is so much worse than any medical condition, any injury (emotional or physical) we could incur. And the good news, better than any blessed EEG. That Christ died for us, longs to have a relationship with us, shed His blood for our adoption into the family of God - that we'd be called sons and daughters instead of sinners and slaves. We want our whole family, shoot - everyone we know, and of course Glory, to be able to rejoice in the good news, outside of anything - in spite of anything - because of anything that could happen to her for the rest of her life. 
As easy as that is to say, and as hard as it would be to do. 
That's the prayer. 


The first morning Glory was in the hospital, they had to cut her shirt off while she was seizing and it seemed like such a hilarious sadness that her shirt was cutoff. She'd painstakingly picked it out the night before and it was so sweet, and also my sister had loaned it to us from her kids, and she was there in the hospital when I realized it had been cut. I remember feeling so sorry about that shirt, though I'm sure my sister never thought about it again:). My mom swooped the shirt up, washed it, and saved it for me and gave it to me last week. She knew me well enough to know I probably wasn't ready to see it, so she hid it and told me about it later. I love her a lot for that. 


I brought it home and everytime I see it I'm swelled with these thoughts. 
This jumbled update I'd like to write. 

Glor & the boys tackling the daylights out of me during family fun night. Yep, I'd say she's doing good. 

Glory is doing great. So great. 
Today, she is doing so great. Praise God. 
My sadness, fear, and pain from that morning are really large and in the small bits of time I access them - I'm overwhelmed with the knowledge that the Lord cares more for her than I do, that He hurts over her hurts, 
even when He knows the glory He will get from them. 

And yet, in spite of all the hurts in the world, no matter what comes, 

we have good news in Jesus.

In Christ Alone. 

Also, I'll be the one to break the awkward pause and talk about something light after something deep in a conversation:). Make sure you entered the giveaway yesterday, mkay? You don't want to miss out on it, it's open till Thursday at 5pm.

And, if you want a naptime diaries print for Mother's Day, you have until 5pm TODAY to order.  

first vlog and GLORY'S BIRTHDAY

I've needed a good reason to make a vlog for awhile now.
I can't think of a better one in the world than my sweet Glor turning three today. 
Sadly, it cuts off with a few minutes to go, but you get the picture.
She's awesome. 

This video is brought to you by hormonal face bloat, 4 year old brothers,  & 

the chocolate chips that kept Glory going.

In all seriousness, I can't believe Glory is three. 

We celebrated all weekend with our girl cousins, and I can't believe that I have a lady baby I can take to get manicures now, and out to lunch. And I can't believe that now that the TWOS are over, she'll probably just wake up tomorrow and never throw another tantrum, right? right!? 

Gloriana Eloise Connolly:

You are a delight. I can't think of one person who has met you, spent time with you, and not commented on how incredibly special you are. There is just something amazing about you. You love your brothers passionately and are always taking care of them. You love your mama & Daddy so well and brighten any dark spot on any hard day. You are funny and super, super smart. Smarter than either of us for sure. You are a great growler and dancer and an INCREDIBLE singer. You might know more scripture than I do, and you DEFINITELY know more songs than I do and I pray that keeps on going, the you knowing more and teaching me part. I pray that one day soon, you'd hand your "something super special" back to the Lord who gave it to you, for His use and for His glory. 

I love your guts you sweet three year old. 

Your mama. 

scarred

gloriana eloise. age 1. a few hours after eye surgery. 

She had already had a bunch of little things wrong with her. 
Some big things too, but many many little ones. 
Physically only, in every other way - she seemed just perfect to us. 
But she spent the first six months of her life scary scrawny. Her blue on fire eyes screaming at us almost louder than her mouth did. We went through little problem after little problem, bouncing her in the middle of the night and patting her bottom through church services and giving ourselves wrinkles that the early twenties shouldn't know. 
So the day I found a little cyst on the top of my little lady baby's eye - I knew not to worry too, too much. There were always little health problems with her and the Lord was always using them for His glory. That was her story, our Glory girl. 


Just after she turned a year old, we planned to have the cyst removed and her surgery was easier and harder than I expected. Easier and quicker, because a little lady with such tenacity OF COURSE can't stay sedated long (meds got nothing on her) and harder because she was awake and screaming when I walked into the post-op room. The blue-on-fires were screaming louder than ever. She really needed me. Maybe for the first time. 


A year and a half later, we'd had another baby and had made a big move and were on vacation and oops - she rocked me so hard in my rocking chair that she knocked an antique lamp over onto my face, very nearly blinding me in the process. We were both more than a little shook up and to this day, she still traces her little fingers over the dots of scar tissue just beneath my left eye. Sometimes she'll even lean over and kiss them and remind me that she's sorry. Of course then, I have to scoop her up and kiss all over the matching scar tissue she has from her cyst surgery - reminding her that it couldn't be farther from her fault and that I'm so glad we match. With our little minute scars that I'm almost afraid will fade. 


We're both scarred, my little lady baby and I. 
On the outside - I'm so thankful for her beautiful scar and her beautiful face and her crazy curly hair. I never expected that having such a gorgeous daughter would make me feel more comfortable with my outsides, too. But when people say we look alike or that she is just a "mini-Jessi", even though I know she really looks like her Daddy, my heart feels happy and more than thankful to be connected to her. And still... so much more, on the inside - I am just weepingly thankful for the hope in Christ that covers all scars. The inside ones I have that I'm just starting to shed light on. The future ones that I'd give my life to keep her from having. The ones I will try harder than harder to keep from giving her, but I will inevitably, as much as I try not to, leave one or two. 


I think back to that day in the hospital room, when I scooped her right up and those violently scared eyes were screaming at me and in the moments that followed, I felt her need for my help so deeply for the first time. What if I'd ignored her poor busted up eye and not treated it? The scar would be a disformity,  a disfunction that could have just been an endearing trait. So, lady baby - let's not ignore these scars of ours and let's sure not hide them. I'll show you mine, in time and in appropriateness, and we'll keep showing them to the One who's scars have healed our own. 


I picked "scarred" from Mama Kat's writers workshop list of prompts this week.
Also, I love my daughter a whole, whole, whole lot. 

For my Valentine

Have you guys seen this deal?

A free 8x10 canvas of your favorite picture?

I took Canvas People up on their offer and got Nicky a little Valentines Day art project displaying my big prayers for him this year.

Then, I got a little excited and started on something for Glory's birthday. Just a sneak peak little drafty. We'll see what comes from it!

Ok, so maybe go order one of the 8x10's. And if you need some design goodness to go up on yours - holla at your girl.

preparation day

Here are the things officially left to do on my list:
- clean master bathroom mirror/floors
- clean downstairs bathroom
- put the guest bed sheets on
- wash our sheets
- change the kids crib bedding
- one last laundry load for me & kids
- put gas in the van
- vacuum upstairs
- vacuum the stairs
- write some chores for the girls
- prepare food for kids & nonny
- dust nursery
- finish packing
- print hospital directions for everyone

Last night before I went to bed, I didn't think I'd be able to sleep because my anxiety was actually like crawling up out of my throat to bark at me. I just want everyone to feel relaxed & taken care of and thus - I will feel relaxed & taken care of. For the past few nights I've been waking up sweating thinking "NEW BATTERIES IN THE VIDEO CAMERA!" or "BE SURE TO TELL NONNY ABOUT HOW ELIAS NEEDS TO HAVE HIS LOVEY & PUPPUP KISS EACH OTHER BEFORE BED!" hahahahaha, I'm not even kidding.

But then I woke up this morning and I just felt all that slip away.
Elias woke up at 7:30 and came to cuddle with me, Glory is still passed out at 8:15. Nick just said, "I guess I should get up" and I felt no need to give him a task or start him on a chore. Instead I said, "you can do whatever you want to do!" and I meant it!

If the bathroom mirror gets wiped down, great.
If I get time to make ten peanutbutterjelly sandwiches - awesome.
If not, I will make sure that at the end of today my kids feel ridiculously loved & ready for a little brother, my husband feels excited and rested, and my heart feels really ready to meet a new son.
it's preparation day.

glorygirl update

Thanks so much for your prayers today! Glory did really, really well!

She couldn't have food past dinner last night and she refused her pedialyte this morning, so by 1pm (her surgery time), she was honestly begging to be put to sleep!

Kalle had come with me to the hospital to help distract me because we were the surgery would take about an hour, then she'd take awhile to wake up from anesthesia. Instead, of course, our Gloriana wanted nothing to do with sleeping by the time Kal and I grabbed a quick lunch - she was up and ready for visitors!
(by ready for visitors I mean really miserable and scared which made her mama sad and scared)

Recovery was not so fun for Glory, but soon she took a little morphine nap and when she woke up - Daddy and Elias were there to visit! A few goldfish crackers later and the nurse said she was all ready to go home!

She looks banged up, but as you can clearly see in this video - by the time she got back to our house she was ready to dance & sing to Coldplay. She's sleeping sweetly in her crib now, off her scary eye, and we're hoping tomorrow she isn't toooo swollen.

Either way, we'll be laying low with ice packs, tylenol, & probably a little bit of coldplay dancing.
God is good.

for your viewing pleasure

Quick prefaces:

- Elias & Glory have been passyfree for a week! Praise God! Apparently, without their passy addictions being fed, they've taken up new vices. Elias' is - you guessed it, coffee. Here is he is with a starbucks ornament, faithfully sipping.


- This one is Gloriana saying her new favorite phrase "Alright!" The kids say it all the time, as soon as we reach a destination in the car, when we give them treats after dinner, or just whenever they plain feel like it. Hearing Glor say it is the best though, since she has a little trouble with her r's. Love that Glor.

projecting

I think if we're honest, all moms tend to project at least a little bit on their kids. 

Either, "I've got a soccer player in here!"

Or, "I really honestly think he'll be interested in science -

 you should see the way he stares at his space system crib mobile!"

Heck, I've already decided both of my kids favorite colors. (Orange & Purple, respectively) 

So I've projected on both my kids in utero and on both accounts, I've been totally wrong. 

Elias: When Ebug was in my belly and even his first few weeks out, I was positive that he was a studious, serious, bookworm. He just had this old man face & wise ol' eyes. Look at this face - you think he could write a dissertation for a fun afternoon. 

Now while he is smart, he's much more wily than anything else. He's got a sense of humor like no other, he likes to be a goofball, & books are just now starting to interest him. For like a second. This is much more typical E: 

Now, for my Glorygirl - since I had one cuddly, sweetheart... I pictured a girly version of Elias - just really feminine. I thought she'd want to just cuddle and paint nails all day. Imagine my surprise to find that while she does have a strong desire to wear beads to church, a fun afternoon consists of ripping the pages out of books rather than pedicures. 

Homegirl can hold her own in cagefight, & she is definitely more feisty than flirty. 

MUCH to her Daddy's liking. 

Here's a typical Glor in action: 

But while I still can, I'm going to do some Tres projecting. 

(Oops, I almost just said his name. I can't wait to tell everyone!) 

So, here's my prediction. I think he'll be something like this: 

Yeah, I said it. I think he's going to be a big baby Vince Vaughn coming out of my womb. I told Nick today every time I picture him, I picture Vince Vaughn getting handed to me with waxy vernix on his face & giving me a good nuggie on the head. I think he has the body of my Papa Powell - with octopus length arms & legs and strong desire to make everyone laugh. Dark skin & hair and a little bit of a practical jokester. 

So, I suppose we'll see. 

The truth is - he'll probably be another Nick-Connolly-clone, but 

I've got 23 days to project falsely. 

the sweetest kisses on earth

Our Glory-girl is about the prettiest little fireball I've ever met.
She will bat her eyelashes at you as she swats the top layer of epidermis off of your face, but she WILL.NOT.CUDDLE.
She won't hug or snuggle or anything, she's just too feisty and hardcore and we love her that way.

Until today, oh - sweet today.
All of a sudden she was looking at me fondly as I was telling her the story of her birthday (true story), and she looked like she wanted to kiss me. So I said, "Glor - you want to kiss me?" And this is what happened. Thank goodness my handy flip camera was nearby so I could video us together in our sweet moment that may never happen again!

brother-lover

My poor kids have about six billion nicknames. Elias is E, Ebug, brother, goose, handsome-bandsome (don't ask), & whatever else comes out of my mouth at the time. Glory is worse. Anything to do with beauty-queen, sister, princess, NeNe (her alter-ego from the real housewives of atlanta), she gets it all. 

Yesterday I accidentally called Elias "lover" a few times in an attempt to say "brother". Freudian slip, I think so. 

We're having a little family love day. Both of my kiddos are going on almost two weeks of a bad nagging cold that is making them sweet as pie. They're that good kind of sick where their noses run green and they cough like maniacs, but they want to giggle and cuddle and touch foreheads at breakfast. Elias woke up at like ten pm last night, just to cough and lay between Nick and I as we watched Lost - sweetly holding both of our hands. Glor-glor's two front teeth are almost all the way in, and those big chompers just make me melt when we have a laughing session as I change her diaper. 

The budget is not doing so well that I can get these munchkins EXACTLY what I want to get them for Valentines this week (a push-walking toy for glory and a pretty new headband and a tutu and her first manicure... a big boy bed with cars sheets and blankets and pillows and sixty pairs of armani baby manpants for Elias), but I will take a lovey day like today with them over a plethora of presents. 

I may even pull out my camera this afternoon and snap a few shots of my lovers. 

Thats right, I said it. 

Fashion Friday

So... edition #2 of fashion fridays is dedicated to the most fashionable woman I know - 

Gloriana Eloise Connolly. 

Even when she was in utero, she made it clear to me that she was no wall flower. The normal pale pink layette would just not suffice. Purple is her color, anything animal print makes her shine, and sassy is her middle name! Well - not really. But baby girl, if I had all the money in the world - these are the items I would buy you pronto! Until then - we will more than make do and practice working with what we've got! I can't wait till you can help collaborate or be a guest blogger!

to begin - a chic sweater dress for rainy days

next, something to sleep in that helps us remember your wild side even when you look so peaceful in rest!

a onesie that you can spill sweet treats on...

some tights with sass since fashion is ALWAYS in bloom. 

a ladylike hat for the everday...

and lastly, some bloomers with kick so the little boys in the nursery at church will be reminded of their fate if they try and touch you. 

Love you sweet girl. 

kids in the same room, take 1

So I reread all the sweet comments you cutey little blog readers suggested about putting my kids in the same nursery. Um, what in the heck does it mean that it will all work out?! Hahaha.... Kelly and Rachel, I love both of you - but it did not "work out"! Last night we did bedtime as usual - Elias and Glory have always shared the same bedtime routine. Dinner together, diapers changed, jammies on, dad reading, rocking all together - Dad and Elias in the rocker, Mommy & Glory on the stool. We showed Elias how Glory was going to get in her crib and how he'd stay in his.... let him feel it out.

Now, to back up - around 90% of the time, Glory falls asleep on her own without any passy or blanket, just sort of singing herself to sleep. The other 10% of the time is ugh... another story. Those nights, she screams for about thirty minutes - with her eyes shut - until she finally lets us come in and stuff a passy in her mouth and she passes out. She won't actually take a passy or I'd start off with that from the get go. It's honestly a crap shoot. Elias goes to sleep at 7pm and we don't even HEAR him until 8am, sometimes as late as 9am. He is actually a teenage boy in a toddlers body.

So, back to last night. Glory wasn't the one who started the crying - but sweet little Elias. I honestly think he was crazy worried about her, because he just kept looking at her huffing and puffing... this of course greatly disturbed her. So I let them carry on for about twenty minutes, then patted her to sleep and rocked him for a while until he was sure she was ok. Elias woke up a few times before midnight, huffing and puffing again (REALLY not like him) until he was convinced she was alright. All quiet for a while.

I woke up at 1am to Glory seriously - singing. I don't know who woke up who, but I'm assuming that Elias woke her up and she then decided it was time to be awake and couldn't fall back asleep. I was so exasperated I grabbed all her stuff, had Nick give her a bottle, and then set her back up in Nick's office. Elias still continued to wake up SEVERAL times, even without her in the room, and we had to rock him & calm him down.

I'm at a loss. I'm not giving up. I will be victorious. I'm going to give them a few days to get the hang of it at naptime and try nighttime out again in a few days. It's 1:28 and naptime starts in 32 minutes. I have a calm, cool exterior but I'm sweating bullets on the inside. Pray for us, ya'll.

Fourth of July is fun...

... until you have little babes. Seriously, what can be worse than fireworks when you've got a sleeping four month old & a skittish 18 month old? Nothing. We also live right beside a fireworks stand,so we've had the privelage of hearing the fireworks being tested for the past few weeks - all day long. I'll be excited for some quiet tomorrow!

We did get to spend some sweet time with our Auntie Kal today, being that the true holiday of July 4th is always her birthday. She is a great lover of my kids and I will always be thankful for her and her role in our life. Breakfast was sweet for several reasons. Primarily because there were so many people there that love her so much and it was also sweet because there were so many babies. Silas, Kanah, Grace, Glory, & Elias were all kicking it with us at Portage Bay Cafe this morning. Silas was, of course, the most well behaved and ate his avocado dutifully. Kanah cuddled with her dad before he went to climb Mt. Rainier today. Grace & Glory distracted Kelly and I as we tried to make Kalle feel special and Elias hung close to dad, apparently feeling a bit ashamed of his shiner.

Elias is feeling much better and his black eye is healing. Glory is... ah, she is herself. I love that little lamb more and more each minute of the day, with each ounce of throw-up that accumulates on my shirt. Her reflux has moved from the "scrawny screamer" stage to the "happy spitter" phase where she just pukes up everything she eats. It is by no means easy to deal with, but I will take puke any day over screams. We are in the process of taking copious notes about how much she eats, when she eats, how much she barfs & when she barfs to make a better plan to get food in her and get it to stay.

Having a friend that has been through this is proving invaluable to me. I marvel at the fact that of all the babies & all the mommas, God brought Kelly & I each a barfy, dramatic, pukey, beautiful baby. She has two precious babies, but Grace, specifically has walked the reflux road and is now on her way to recovery. Her & Glory did take turns throwing up this morning at breakfast though - I think they truly bonded.

It's a big weekend for us - packing, cleaning for my dad's visit as soon as we return from the East Coast, & going to our first Mariners game tomorrow night! We actually are guests of a friend, going to the nicest box in the whole stadium! Pics for sure to come....

update on Abel/East Coast

So I'm pretty sure that everyone who reads my blog reads my sisters & moms as well - but just in case, here's an update on little Abel boy: After my last blog, his condition got much worse before it is now getting better! He's doing so well now that they're thinking they might not need to do the final series of steroid shots to mature his lungs. I think today they're even going to try & feed him some through his feeding tubes. The long story short is that the boy is a FIGHTER. They eventually had to sedate him because he was just working so hard to breathe & see his mama & dad that he was working too hard & couldn't keep up. Honestly - it was incredible to see him respond to Katie & Josh. When Katie sings to him, his vital numbers would drop down to normal - when she stopped and addressed someone else, they would literally double. Same with Josh. I've never seen a baby be so physically entranced by their parents.

From a personal note, it has been incredible to be back here with my mom, Nana, sisters, brother, neices, & now my nephew. Some of them hadn't met Glory and it has been such a blessing to introduce them to her. I'm really praying that Glory & Abe get to meet before we leave! That would be so, so amazing.

I know many of you have been enjoying Nick's hilarious blogs while we've been gone. Don't believe anything you read. While I know he misses us, I'm sure he's loving the bachelor life. I haven't been there to make him watch girly shows at night, he hasn't had to cook weird dairy free/soy free things for me & I know he enjoys sleeping through the night! Glor & I do really miss him and Elias, however, and can't wait to get back to them.

Here's a little preview of topics to come:
- Glory may be healed from reflux?! Agh... I'm trying to claim it.
- The book, Skinny Bi***, and how it may be changing my life - despite its awful language
- more fun stories & anecdotes from my trip back East

*** more Charlotte/Charleston/Columbia pictures under my photos ***

Shame on me.

I've been a bad blogger! The thing is... I actually have a lot I've been wanting to say & just no time! So here are a few quick updates.

- We're just realizing that Glory is lactose intolerant. Ughhhh. I am so glad this little girl is such a good eater, but I'm having a hard time staying away from the dairy. Thankfully - I love the taste of soy milk & God is hilariously good because we just got 2 jugs of CHOCOLATE soy milk donated today. We've never had that before:)
- Elias is doing sooooo good. We just signed him up for a toddler gym class at the Y, so I'm sure hilarious stories will come. Also, in an effort to teach him to say "mama" (he used to say it all the time, then just switched to daddy for everything) - we've confused him and he thinks "mama" means please. You can imagine...
- We've got a new girl at the house! Allison is her name and she seems awesome. I'm so excited to see what God is going to do in her life & ours through her time here.
- My favorite new websites are www.coolmompicks.com & www.fabric.com. I could stay on them all day! Last week I jumped back into sewing but I've been doing it all by hand... this week my goal is to break out the sewing machine and my end goal is to make new nursery bedding for the kids using some sweet new fabric.
- Today was my first day leaving the house by myself. Seriously? Is that a joke? Six weeks and I haven't been by myself for one minute... surprisingly, I also haven't minded. Working out has been the only hard part but I've been pushing Elias & Glory in our double stroller around the gym track while Nick works out on Mon, Wed, & Fri. but I haven't had time to do my killer-circuit-weight-routine from when Kal & I worked out with Regi. Today I finally pumped Glory full of milk, threw Elias in the crib for a nap, wished Nick luck and raced to the gym. It was awesome and she was still asleep when I got back:).

Lastly... here are a couple of big spiritual issues I'd like to blog about when I have time: the spirit of adoption. It's so interesting to me that even though New Beginnings girls typically parent, all of ours are placing for adoption right now. Is God doing something special in them, in us, in the ministry, in this city? I at least want to pay attention to what the spirit of adoption looks like for us in Christ.

being a "creative counterpart". My sweet new friend Marilee loaned me this awesome book about being a wife/mother and the whole thing is challenging me to rethink the monotony of being a housewife or just a mom. God is challenging me to consider what a joy & great honor it is to shape my husband and families lives...

lastly... craving the Lord. Having a six week old babe, a 14 month old, a husband, and a house full of preggos leaves me wanting more & more of Him. I have to say - it's the best craving ever.


.... it's atleast way more comfortable than craving Mac & Cheese like I have been for the past 48 hours. Stupid lactose intolerance:)

my little roaring lamb

In the past three weeks, two days, and ten hours - our little lamb has grown into a mighty fine baby. She's certainly gone from docile newborn to fierce little lady. As I type, Nick and I are passing our little bundle back and forth - she's in one of her pissy moods & we're feeling a little like pawns in her infantile chess game of life.

I've been thinking a good deal about her over the last four days or so. Somewhere around Thursday, she started looking just really beautiful & almost enchanting to me. I think most of that phenomenon is due to the fact that she's growing out of her little baby-face & growing into her little-girl-face. Where everything on Elias is thick like porkchop limbs, all of Glory's body parts are long, slender, & lean. When she's awake, every few minutes, she stretches her arms & legs erect in front of her - taunting me with her skinny little body - reminding me that one day I'll sit at home terrified that some man other than her daddy is noticing her tiny dancer body.

But also, I know partly she is looking so beautiful to me because my heart is finally able to be vulnerable with her. I was so scared of her, of being hurt by her. Since we first heard about the possibility of Trisomy, my brain just switched to tactical and pragmatic - my emotion and deep love for her only came to the surface for a brief moment when she was born. I remember looking past my sister, into Glory's face, while I was still being operated on - and saying over and over again "she looks like me! she looks like me!". But then for weeks afterwards, I couldn't see it. Just last week I was able to see it again - she has my ugly sleeping habits, my same fussy face, & every once in a while I really feel like I'm looking back at myself. In so many ways, she makes me appreciate my own awkward smiles & silly grins - just because they are so breathtaking on her.

So today we got some test results back from a recent brain ultrasound she had, and it's been confirmed that she has mild hydrocephalus. It's nothing tragic and it isn't at all life-threatening - worst case scenario she'll need to have surgery to have a shunt installed to drain the fluid from her brain. Even still - sitting on the stairs this morning, on the phone with the pediatrician, I felt that desperate crazy love for her welling inside of me. I was angry, angry, angry with the Lord for a few minutes until my sister called with a good word. She was praising God for a whole other situation and telling me that He is ABLE, and when I finally broke down and told her what was going on - she encouraged that crazy desperate love in me, reassuring me that Glory needs me to love her that crazy way. She needs her momma to fight for her in prayer & in life.

So tonight I'm thankful for my little lamb, my beefy hunky son, and the intense scary love that God put in me to be their momma. They & their Daddy hold my heart and that is vulnerable and uncomfortable but it teaches me to rely on Jesus & it teaches me how big His love is for me.