diet update

Just for accountability & documentation sake.

I seemed to lose 8/9 pounds quickly on vacation but when I came back, my scale shows no weight loss. We knew our scale was wonky so I'm trying another one tomorrow. Either way, I'm not discouraged - I certainly feel a bit better.

I'm also making an appointment to get my thyroid checked next week. After doing a little online research - I realized I have a lot of the signs of a jacked thyroid & pregnancy can induce problems with it that totally screw up your metabolism. My biggest symptom: extreme hair loss. I can pull out strands each time I touch my hair & I lose chunks while I'm in the shower. For most people this would be worrisome, but my hair is so stinking thick - I'm happy to lose some.

Lauren & I have started going to spin class. While it is the most hellish hour one could imagine - the instructor hooked me. She did two things that ensure my success at any endeavor: She told us that she doubted we could make it through the first class on our first time. Ha. Tell me I can't do something. I won't stop until I actually die, which almost happened. Lauren too. At one point, a few minutes before the class was over - I moved towards getting off the bike and she yelled at me from the front of the room: "NO! NO! You've made it through the whole class! FOUR MORE MINUTES! STAY ON THAT BIKE!". And so I did. Second - she praised me openly in class and verbal encouragement is also an incredibly strong catalyst for me. I'll be returning tomorrow (I've convinced my dad to go with me) and thrice weekly from here on out.

I'm also trying to stick to normal, regular diet principles as well: no eating three hours before bedtime. Ugh - I hate that one. I am ALL about a spoon-full of peanut butter before bed. Also working on water consumption.... I suck at it & I'm trying really hard to get better. I know that is really important to weight loss & health in general.

When I was when in crazy weight loss mode in college, I relied on a big cheat day every two weeks. I used it to look forward to when I felt weak and also to jumpstart my metabolism to keep me from plateauing. My first two week mark will be this coming Sunday and I'm not sure if I'm going to take this first one or wait another week. Either way, I've been making a list of possible foods I would like to "cheat" with. There's no way I could fit them all into one day, but I'm going to publish the list here so you can eat them if you're not dieting. And maybe tell me about it.... or take a picture of you eating. And send it to me.
REAL pizza - like ordered from Papa Johns.
Fries
a hot brownie or some sort.
soy latte (with sugar-free vanilla, I'm not that crazy)
macaroni & cheese
some sort of large cookie goodness
one of those new peanut butter energy drinks from Starbucks

Okay, that is your diet update for today. My heart is in an okay place with it. The other day Lauren & I had a scary moment where the brakes went out in the Honda (don't worry mama - Miles already took it to the shop & had it fixed. AND I banned Lauren from driving it anyways) and our little lives flashed before our eyes. I have to say, that is the only time in my life where I truly realized how trivial my thoughts are. As we were driving I was thinking about spin class & how many times I'd have to go until my butt actually fits on the seat of the stationary bike, and post-brake failure, I thought... "ugh, I do NOT want my last thoughts, or the bulk of my thoughts to be about the size of my behind". But... I do want the hottest body possible so that the bulk of Nick's thoughts are about my aforementioned body part:) Sorry, I couldn't resist.

half birthday.

Elias, it's almost your half birthday. On July 31st, you'll be eighteen months old.
Today you were such a little pill. A cute pill, but a pill none the less.
You're just starting to learn how to get mad at me. I never imagined that I could be so delighted in you and frustrated all at once. Some of your new tricks are just yelling at me, a short, clipped little "agh!". As soon as it is out of your mouth, you look at me with surprise in your eyes - slightly proud of your own volume & a little fearful of my heavy hand.

Tonight before bed we were working on pointing to our eyes, nose, & mouth. Daddy has you all screwed up in this area because he's taught you to push on his nose like a button & his sticks his tongue out. How are you ever supposed to figure out the difference between the two? Anyhow, you were repeating after me. Nose sounded much like "ssss". Mouth was "nu" for some reason, and eye you had dead-on, just really exaggerated. We were playing and honestly, buddy, I was just enamored. You'll learn later than when men are trying to be romantic, they'll tell women they are 'lost in their eyes'. Don't ever pull that mess. You better look at your wife's eyes - pay attention to them real close, tell her how beautiful they are, but I think you're going to marry such a smartie, you'll be lost in her words and her heart.

Anyhow, I suppose I can't tell you not to be lost in her eyes, because tonight I was absolutely lost in your nose. I know it sounds crazy, it's just I look at that little nose every day and I'm amazed. It justmakes your face. I've always loved it. A little bit like your dads, it is soft and wide & I swear you must smell better than most 18 month olds. When I was pregnant with you, I kept asking God to give me a picture of what you'd look like and every time I dreamed about you - I told Daddy that you had a wide nose. And you do, and I love it. Sis has my nose, and while yours could be compared to Dad's - it's really yours. So I get lost in how handsome it makes you, but mostly in the fact that it is all your own. Your nose, like your life, is oddly connected to me - but so apart from me.

You can choose to yell at me, throw tantrums, hug me when you want, run away when I need you close, laugh at what you think is funny, or run to me when you get scared. Later on, you'll make more decisions on your own - you and your nose. And I'll watch and think whatever I think and try my hardest to direct you in the right way, but your life is yours and one day you'll hand it over to Jesus, but it still won't be mine.

You're cute buddy. I can't wait for you to nuzzle those nostrils all over me again tomorrow.

tomorrow's day

4am When Glory likes to wake up.
7:00 Glory will probably be asleep, I will probably need to pee
8:00 Elias is up
8:00 - 9:00am shower, finish pack, breakfast, coffee coffee, short walk
10:00 coffee with Jamie & Paige
11:00 visiting Circa while Nick visits family
11:30-1:00 free 1.5 hour in Charlotte with two kids
1:00 lunch with Laura & Donald
2:00-4:00 free time
4:00 head to aiport. return car. take our caravan through security. thank God that the worst is over. seriously. one ginormous stroller and 8 shoes to take off.
6:00 eat at airport chili's - isn't that the best part of flying?
7:30 board plane with two kids.
9:00 45 minute layover - race across atlanta airport
9:45 board plane #2 with two kids.
midnight (3am EST) get off plane, hug lauren, calm freakishly disturbed sleepless kids
1 a.m. (4am EST) lay in bed and be thankful to be home all while missing vacation.

In case I don't blog for a few days while we catch up from tomorrow, this is what I imagine will take place. Maybe I can fit some funny stories in there for your amusement along the way.

almost done.

Our trip is almost over and seriously, it has been a long one. It feels like ages ago that Lauren dropped us off at the airport. This long trip home has been endearing and conflicting - making me feel heartache over missing family and displaced over not being in my real home now, at New Beginnings. I can pretend that Charlotte or the south is my "home", but it isn't anymore. I'll always feel at home with family - on my mom's porch, or at East Boulevard Starbucks with the girls, but I have a bed and a kitchen, friends, a biblestudy, a church, and even my own Starbucks back west to call my own. However - as our trip winds down, here are some of my favorite moments, just a few:
- getting off the plane to my mom, dad, Katie & Abel cheering for us at 1 am.
- seeing Elias get his first haircut by JB, he never knew how good he had it.
- watching my dad sing "you're so vain" to Glory while she peed her pants laughing.
- sitting at breakfast with Leigh & Gray, so proud of who they are and so blessed to know such an amazing married couple.
- watching my mom play "super-nonny", taking on three kids, four adult children, a sick husband, and a teenage daughter with grace and efficiency.
- being around Katie and Josh. Every minute with them. I don't think most couples have best friends like them - in that we haven't all been together for six months, and it was so great and so perfect and just right.
- seeing Glory hold Abel's hand, just because she wanted to.
- watching Nick and Elias in the ocean.
- walking with my mom, talking about the future. feeling safe telling her my dreams and wishes.
- missing Lauren & growing to appreciate her more.
- Elias finally eating chicken nuggets after much protesting.
- Katie when she turned weird that one night and kept walking around the condo with a blanket over her head like Mary.
- getting a tattoo, jumping up and down in katie and josh's car screaming "tattoo!tattoo! we're getting tattoos!" on the way there.
- hummus, wine, & the dieting that followed.
- cuddling with Nick and feeling at home with him anywhere in the world.
- having my first wedding anniversary where I was not pregnant and could enjoy a glass of wine, however hot from the southern sun.
- being at mere's wedding shower, basking in her sweet bridal glory.
- seeing my college friends and wanting, if just for a really skinny second, to go back to simple times with them - laughing and dancing and making a fool of myself.
- loving remembering those times, but loving my life more now.
- getting excited for the future. If my life before our move to Puyallup was that sweet and is this sweet now, I'm just ready for whatever He has in store. The pain, the joy, suffering and suprises - the earth is a hard place to be but he gifts us with so much while we're here.

happy anniversary.

I love you like nuts, hubby.
I loved you on our first date when you introduced me to goat cheese.
I loved you the day I moved to Mt. Pleasant and you cried for like, the only time ever.
I loved you when you drove back and forth and back and forth for two years to see me whenever we were apart.
I loved you the night I kicked the windsheild in and for that matter, the day I kicked a hole in the wall.
I loved you the night you asked me to marry you.
I loved you the day you smiled at me from the front of the aisle and I loved you that night too:).
I loved you the day I told you we were going to have Elias, even though we called him Joaquin.
I loved you the day you held him for the first time and you wouldn't share.
I loved you on the random tuesday a few months ago when I probably snapped at you and acted like a brat, and I loved you when you forgave me.
I loved you this morning when you thought enough to buy me flowers and make me cuddle with you.
I'll love you tomorrow and the rest of my life.

embarking on a new journey...

I've had two kids in two years. I've had two c-sections in about a year. I respect my body for all that is done for me, but I've put it through the ringer. During my pregnancy with Elias, my mantra was, "it's my first pregnancy! let's go nuts!". I ate just about whatever I wanted - lots of fries, pizza, mocha frappacinos, & then some more fries. When I got pregnant with Gloriana, I still had thirty extra pounds - so I tried to be careful and thankfully, when it was all said and done, I didn't gain any weight that stayed. Almost five months later, I've been trying to eat pretty well and work out regularly - and through some messy switch of metabolism/breastfeeding issue - I've gained ten pounds. I could complain and whine about it, but I'm really done with that.
In college I made a plan, stuck to it, and lost around sixty pounds. I've learned what diet tips and tricks work for me, and how often I have to work out to make it happen. Since I've put my body through so much... I'm going to be patient with it and not rush this process - but I am definitely in the place where I need to do what it takes.
Sooooo.... hopefully this blog can occasionally be an encouragement/sounding board for that area of life as well! I started my "lifestyle change" (codeword for diet) yesterday, I weighed myself this morning. I've got my gym clothes on all day to remind me that I have to work out tonight and I feel better already. Two glasses of water down, thirty or so random pounds to go.

what I've learned

... you certainly learn a lot on vacation.

- I have an amazing extended family. In one vacation week a year, we all want to spend time with one another. Even though my sister & brother-in-law are extremely different from us, we love each other so much - we can spend one week in a condo with two babies and little sleep and still be obsessed with one another. Despite my mom & Gibson being in charge of watching the three older kids, they were in high spirits & full of energy - always wanting to help more & more & more.
- I have a lot of high hopes for life, but in general - the Lord has already made many of my dreams come true. I have a husband who loves me VERY much & two of the greatest kids in America. I feel really at peace with my family & I feel like I'm really excited to learn more about Jesus each day. Joy is ahead, trials are ahead... I know I'm not ready, but I know He is.
- Tattoos don't hurt that bad. And also, they're fun to get. And also, two hours after you get them, you will panic and be scared you shouldn't have done that. Breathe, breathe and don't freak out. In twenty years, they will have developed an easy way to get them removed. If not, it's okay?
- My daughter pukes alot. Forget bibs, forget burp rags. I need an extra onesy and two blankets to make it through the day.
- My dad will literally give me the shirt off of his back. This week I was admiring his white t-shirt because it looked like the perfect shirt, he took it off & gave it to me then left me his other identical one. The next day he called and said he was at the Jockey Outlet, buying me even more.
- I need to write more. I think in writing all day long.
- I miss "home". Friends, Mars Hill, Lauren & Beulah, the Northwest in general. But I'm going to enjoy these last few days.

*** new pictures up ***

whackamole

How has vacation been so far? Awesome. Exhausting. Hilarious. Amazing.

Vacation is a funny word to use for a trip you take away from home when you have five kids under five between two couples. All I can say is Thank GOD for grandparents. I swear, they're amazing. They're more selfless than us and they really want to play with your kids so you can sleep/read/take care of other kids. It's been a sweet gift from God.

We've had family dinners, girls manicures, beach time - yes even my pasty family, porch talks, & lots of coffee. My dad appropriately named our vacation "whackamole". When we get one kid down, settled, quiet, or happy - one pipes up. They've all been a huge blessing though. Glory is growing growing growing and loving each person that lays eyes on her. Elias is a little more wary but this morning when I came to get him from nonny's, he held tight to her leg and didn't want to come to me. I love that he isn't quite sure about strangers but when it comes to Nonny, Poppy, AnnaJaye, especially Abigail, ruby, Josh, & pop - he is in love. He hasn't quite figured out Abel yet, he still thinks it's him & sis are the same thing.

I wish there was more time for stories & words but I only have a little more time till we are due on the beach. More pictures under our pictures.

we're here!

The past few days have been a serious WHIRLWIND. Our day of flying with the kiddos was so awesome - I actually can't describe how good the flights were and how good the kids were, I'm still really in awe. One 4.5 hour flight, one 4 hour layover, and one thirty minute flight and they were awesome. We got into Charlotte around 2am East Coast Time & were greeted by Nonny, Pop, & Ruby - also known as my mom, dad, & awesome sister. And don't forget baby Abel!

The kids were actually so worn out they could barely function so Thursday was devoted to napping all day while Nick met with a good friend from college. That night we went to dinner at Nick's dads house and had a good time catching up with them. That night we stayed up toooo late, catching up with Donald & Laura Eslick, after Nick had coffee with a bunch of guys from Mosaic.

Friday was a nutty, crazy frenzy of a day. It started with visiting Nick's extended family at their daycare, then lunch with Staci, Elias' first haircut with JB (a success!), hanging out with Nana Powell, then a quick drive to Columbia. Once we were at Katie & Josh's house, Elias was able to play play play with Abigail & Annajaye, and of course, his pop. It took him about six hours to go to sleep from all the excitement and as I write this at 9am, he is still passed out!

Once he wakes up, it's breakfast with Leigh & Gray Ladd and then driving to Isle of Palms! Today starts our vacation portion of our vacation and I'm really relieved to spend time with my little nuclear family, Nonny & Poppy (Mom & Gibson), the Walters, and a quick visit with Pop (my dad). I think Elias especially is struggling with so many new people all up in his face. This starts the leg of our trip where he gets to sleep in the same crib for twelve days. Thank you Jesus.

Tons of fun stories & pictures to come asap.

almost there.

Four bags are packed.
Inventory is complete.
Kids are asleep.
House is almost clean.

Here is a real excerpt from a conversation at our house today, Lauren helping me pack....
Jessi: how many headbands are on my list?
Lauren: 3
Jessi: Change that to 'five dash one'.
Nick: (dying laughing)

I have never been so organized in my whole life. We are basically moving. It will all be worth it in 24 hours! If you think about us tomorrow, pray please. One sick dad, two plane seats, and 4 people. What an adventure!

for better or for worse.

through sickness and health?

I think the idea of healthiness is becoming a spiritual issue for our family. Since the very first day we heard the misdiagnosis about Glory's Trisomy, I've been thinking a lot about health, wellness, and the Lord. I've even done a lot of digging in the Old & New Testament and it is hard to come up with a good passage to cling to. It seems that sometimes the Lord blesses the righteous with wellness, sometimes the righteous complain about how the sinful are healthy, the Lord often shows His purposes behind sickness for his Glory, & He cries over it as well.

For two weeks I thought we were going to probably lose Glory, maybe in utero - but definitely too quickly. Some people tried to tell me that she would be fine, but I didn't feel that being confirmed to me. I did VERY much feel peace about whatever happened. Just after that time my sister told me she was pregnant and I immediately felt on edge for that baby. The hours I spent praying for Abel were certainly not in vain, but even when he was born, I had a hard time with doubt and worry. The other day on the phone with Josh, I was telling him how thankful I am for Abel's wellness & how I sometimes still am amazed by how quickly God healed him.

Then, just before Glory was born, we got more scary news & more fearful questions: would she have hydrocephalus? Would she need surgery? Would her brain problems affect her vision or her development? Again, I tried to believe the best and still be realistic all at once. One day Lauren asked me how I was feeling about it and I remember replying, "You don't really stop to feel something about this kind of thing, you just deal with it." I think that was a lazy answer and an untruthful one. That entire time, I was feeling stuff, I was changing the way I saw the Lord, changing the way I asked Him for things.

The Joye twins, friends from small group, Abel, random blog friends... I've been praying lately for a lot of physical ailments. I've been praying peace for their souls because I've experience that before in the midst of trials and I know it is life-changing. I've prayed that God would show up miraculously and inexplicably. I've prayed that my heart would be changed and I've begged for forgiveness for my unbelief. God keeps moving and keeps answering and continually shows up, in His own way sometimes, but faithfully.

Since Glory's been born, our house has been a true house of sickness. She has had one problem after the other, after the other. She spent three straight months crying and then stopped crying and started puking. Elias has had two stomach viruses and three extremely bad colds/viruses. Nick has had one stomach virus & one sinus infection. Since we've been here I've had a sinus infection, pneumonia, one stomach virus, and a very annoying metabolism issue. Last night it seemed Nick and Elias were finally feeling better and at one a.m. Glory and I both woke up with the sinus infection/virus in full force. We missed church last week and again this week and that is really frustrating since we moved out here to go to Mars Hill. I know two things for certain: a) these issues could be much worse and b) I've prayed in full faith that He could heal us if it was His will.

The point of this entire blog is this: My heart's desire is wellness for this house. The Lord desires wellness for this house. I know if we are healthy we can praise God longer and louder & actually leave this house to share His love with the world. However, I feel like while God has promised me a great deal and He has come through with each of those promises - perfect health is not one of the promises He has made. He has done much for us and the ones we love in the area of health and wellness and I know He will continue to do more. I trust in His sovereignty and His plan. Let me say that once again - for my own benefit, I trust in His sovereignty and His plan.

Fourth of July is fun...

... until you have little babes. Seriously, what can be worse than fireworks when you've got a sleeping four month old & a skittish 18 month old? Nothing. We also live right beside a fireworks stand,so we've had the privelage of hearing the fireworks being tested for the past few weeks - all day long. I'll be excited for some quiet tomorrow!

We did get to spend some sweet time with our Auntie Kal today, being that the true holiday of July 4th is always her birthday. She is a great lover of my kids and I will always be thankful for her and her role in our life. Breakfast was sweet for several reasons. Primarily because there were so many people there that love her so much and it was also sweet because there were so many babies. Silas, Kanah, Grace, Glory, & Elias were all kicking it with us at Portage Bay Cafe this morning. Silas was, of course, the most well behaved and ate his avocado dutifully. Kanah cuddled with her dad before he went to climb Mt. Rainier today. Grace & Glory distracted Kelly and I as we tried to make Kalle feel special and Elias hung close to dad, apparently feeling a bit ashamed of his shiner.

Elias is feeling much better and his black eye is healing. Glory is... ah, she is herself. I love that little lamb more and more each minute of the day, with each ounce of throw-up that accumulates on my shirt. Her reflux has moved from the "scrawny screamer" stage to the "happy spitter" phase where she just pukes up everything she eats. It is by no means easy to deal with, but I will take puke any day over screams. We are in the process of taking copious notes about how much she eats, when she eats, how much she barfs & when she barfs to make a better plan to get food in her and get it to stay.

Having a friend that has been through this is proving invaluable to me. I marvel at the fact that of all the babies & all the mommas, God brought Kelly & I each a barfy, dramatic, pukey, beautiful baby. She has two precious babies, but Grace, specifically has walked the reflux road and is now on her way to recovery. Her & Glory did take turns throwing up this morning at breakfast though - I think they truly bonded.

It's a big weekend for us - packing, cleaning for my dad's visit as soon as we return from the East Coast, & going to our first Mariners game tomorrow night! We actually are guests of a friend, going to the nicest box in the whole stadium! Pics for sure to come....

to make us all smile

It's been a discouraging day for our family. Glory is still having some trouble and we'd really appreciate your prayers for her & for us during this time. In lieu of a long description & a whiny blog - I'm going to let you in on the beauty & fun that takes place at our house these days. Just a few to make you giggle:
- At night before bed, when we go to sit and cuddle - elias knows where we keep his big bible & he says "book book!" to make sure we read it.
- Glory has just started laughing regularly and her laugh is identical to Elias'. You can't tell them apart.
- Elias likes to take all his clothes off in the morning before we come to get him. When we get to his room, he runs from one side of the crib to the other so we can't catch him and put them back on.
- Elias didn't hold his own bottle till he was almost 11 months - glor already is taking charge and holding hers.
- Nick is really miserable in this heat, which isn't funny... but sometimes it is. His humor is really dry and he is constantly talking about it. i.e. "I just gave Elias two baths - one in the water, one in my sweat!" (one of his lines from tonight) Just to prove my point, as I was typing that sentence he murmured "....it is blazing hot."
- Glory thinks her own reflection is beautiful. When we put her in front of a mirror - she smiles for like thirty minutes.
- Whenever a camera is present in the room, Elias won't stop say "chz, chz" and smiling at it.
- Sometimes in the morning Elias and I have dance parties. His favorite move is when I stand in front of him and he hits my butt repeatedly. Seriously, I'm dying laughing thinking about it.
- Glory loves it when we sing to her - the song that ALWAYS gets her quiet: "You're so vain" by Carly Simon. Not kidding.
- This morning we went through the drivethru at Starbucks and I was literally singing "coffee coffee coffee I love you coffee coffee coffee" and Nick said, "so, how is that giving up coffee for spiritual reasons going?". I didn't care, I gulped it.
- Elias has a love hate relationship with everything: puppies, the park, his shoes - but mostly, the "bah" (bath). If we even say the word bath around him, he can't stop saying it for literally hours. If we even say, "where are we going?", he will lean in your ear and whisper "baaaaah". He'll grab one of our hands and head towards the stairs, even walk up to the tub and yell "bah! bah! bah!". However, the second we get him in there: he cries like we just cut one of his feet off. Love it.


Hope that made you smile, I'm laughing now.