new thought....?

This may sound obtuse or just plain stupidly simple.

Being a stay-at-home mom is a JOB. I'm not complaining when I say this... just stating a fact. If you have it in your head that you're going to spend the day at home doing what you want to, you're miserably wrong. If you wake up, get dressed, and pretend that you're going to have a beautiful & relaxing day at home, in about ten minutes you'll be bitter and pissed off. If you wake up at five am to have a few minutes alone & be able to shower, then start your "job" at seven am and know you probably won't stop working until nine pm (IF your kids sleep through the night) and then acknowledge that after they're asleep you'll be busy doing laundry cleaning emails vacuuming cleaning laundry & working out - then you'll be set.

Now, I have it good. I'm a stay-at-home mama who lives with a stay-at-home daddy. We're still trying to make me more the primary caregiver during the day so Nick can study or do whatever God calls him to here, but we are easing into that. Still, at seven o'clock tonight, Elias was asleep & Glory was napping... all I wanted to do was sit and browse the internet. But bottles were dirty, fridge was cluttered, counter was trashed, socks & shoes scattered everywhere and I knew if I sat down... getting up was going to be a hundred times harder.

I think it's all in the perspective though... if you know what you're getting into, you'll be a lot better off. I'm not saying working moms have it any easier - it's all just different, no comparison. I've done both and I think that what I'm doing now is right for me, right for our family... but it's so different.

The funny thing is, I still crazy love my job. I still can't wait to do it tomorrow. I can't wait to do it for the next kids in our life, for the next however many years. However, when days get rough - my mantra easily turns into "elementary school comes in a few years... elementary school comes in a few years. just wait for elementary school."

On a funny note, please look at Nick's blog about Elias' junked up face. First the virus, then the lip, now the black eye. It's bound to look WAY worse tomorrow. I'm so thankful Lauren lives with us and was present for both accidents so she can testify on our behalf that we were not being negligent parents, nor did we beat our child. He's just a bit clumsy & still learning his feet.

you should see the other guy...

... it was actually the sidewalk.

It's been a rough few days in the Connolly/Hogan household. Elias has his first big respiratory virus and has had a fever of 99/100 consistently for around three days. His doctor isn't worried, it's been going around - but tending to a feverish, teething, stuffed up 18 month old is pretty pitiful. On top of that, his crazy cold has made him a bit awkward in the feet and today he tumbled off one step too many - straight onto the parking lot gravel. It all happened before any of us could get to him & he unfortunately bit through his bottom lip. So now he is feverish, hoarse, drippy, & bloodied up. Poor guy.

As for his parents, we're a little bored since we can't leave the house due to his fever - and it is hot as all get out in Washington. I know it's hotter back in Charlotte, but the major difference is houses in the northwest don't have air conditioning! So tomorrow when it is 95, there will be no relief for us. Because Beulah has been a little ornery for Lauren this weekend, we've all been sitting on the couch in front of the fan - wishes we were somewhere with air conditioning, healthy kids, and well-behaved puppies.

Some pictures of our "sick day" for you, more on our picasa site. Enjoy!

the greatest stuff on the earth

So an update on project "less java, more water" as Jenny Parker Harris lovingly called it. I'm failing, but only a little. I did buy coffee on Tuesday & Wednesday as Tuesday I was meeting for coffee & on Wednesday I was supposed to meet for coffee but we switched to the park so I felt entitled to get some on the way:).

Yesterday my intention was truly to make coffee at 5:00am (I'll explain why in the world I was up that early in a sec) for Lauren and I but we were out of our normal Starbucks coffee and we resorted to trying to make some old Folgers we found. I'm not sure if it was just the subpar coffee beans or the fact that the canister was probably sixteen years old, but we both wanted to barf so we made a quick trip to bucks instead. That morning I promptly wrote "coffee" on the grocery list, but we didn't get any yesterday so this morning at 6:00am, I had to make another quick run.

STILL - even though I've bought coffee for the past four mornings, I'm on the road to getting better. I promise. Right now there is a 1.5liter bottle of water beside me that I'm going to finish before the kids morning nap.

Now - the reason for being up at 5am, you ask? My sweet Gloriana has decided to sleep thru the night! For the past two nights, she's slept from nine until 5:15 or so and I could not be more thrilled. Rather than going back to sleep, I've gotten up with her and I SWEAR I've been more productive from 5:15-8:00 yesterday and today than I have been in three months total. Thanks Jesus & glory. In a grand sweep of irony, Lauren has been up that early because her new puppy Beulah (who deserves a future post of her own) doesn't quite sleep through the night without going potty. So both mornings when I've woken up celebrating Glory's sleep, Lo has been awake to dance with me.

So I'll leave you with this. Lauren, Nick, and I are really into defunking the house now that no girls are here and slowly but surely - it is getting hospital-clean. Yesterday Lauren and I attacked the kitchen and as we were unclogging the sink, we noticed a HUGE difference in the whiteness of the sink after the water (that was filled with coffee grounds) went down. I did some research and read that coffee grounds are GREAT for cleaning off stains so in honor of the best stuff on earth, here are 21 ways to use your leftover coffee grounds - we've already made a little pile for ours!

(pictures - Elias after his latest growth spurt, the coffee ground clean line on our sink, our coffee ground collection bowl)

I rest my case.

*** just for reference: Elias at three months is the bottom baby, glory is the top in both posts***

who does glor look like?

ahhhhhh.

Nick and I just booked our tickets back East. Thank you, JESUS. And the random pastor in Puyallup who donated $500 towards our travel fund. Two weeks from today we'll be on a plane and we have almost three whole weeks in the south.

two steps forward, ...

*** First: Please be praying for Liana & Adleigh Joye, Ferris & Wade Joye's twin girls. Read Wade's blog for the full update. Ferris was one of my roommate's in college & their girls are heavy on my heart this week. I know they'd appreciate your prayers. ***

Thanks everyone for loving on Glory/us about her sleep situation. We have seen a real, amazing dramatic change in her in the last few days. Last Friday I checked out "The Fussy Baby Book" by Dr. Sears from the library & reading it has given us some tools that are turning little Glory's life around. The book really made me feel empowered by my fussy baby instead of discouraged. It made me feel excited to be the one to care for her, rather than living in fear of her. Many of the tips are focused on preventing & treating the reasons why the high-need babies cry, rather than simply trying to stop the crying.

We've been doing some preemptive things like baby-wearing (I was sure my fussy little girl could not handle the sling), trying all different sorts of bonding, and keeping her in the other room to sleep at night - but feeding her once in the middle of the night, rather than letting her cry & get herself even more worked up. Since last Friday, she's been going to bed at around 10:30, waking up to eat once in the night, and sleeping in her bassinet till around 7:00am! I really actually never thought she'd get to that place. On top of that, she actually seems to like Nick, Elias, & I. She is smily and happy - and for the first time since she's been born I've noticed her body goes limp every once in a while when we're holding her - she used to just be extremely erect and straight, not cuddly at all.

So - since we've taken some steps forward in the sleep department, I've made a massive change in my life that is long overdue. I am taking very small steps toward cutting coffee out of my life. Seriously, there is a problem when you are sometimes buying two cups a day, and making atleast one cup at home. It wouldn't be that horrible, but I also have some of the most messed up bowels you've ever seen in your life. So this week - my first step is to stop buying coffee (well, Americanos) daily. I'm going to coffee twice this week with friends & I intend on buying it then. I'm going to let myself make it at home and then wean off of that.

The truth is, this is actually a spiritual problem for me. The idea of relaxation, through coffee, is such an idol in my life that I need to give up. I'm LITERALLY sad just thinking about the times I'm going to miss it. I know, I'm pathetic & this is long overdue.

Some fun/summer updates:
- my marigolds are dying. Black thumb strikes again. Lauren is winning with her still-alive herb garden.
- I want to do a cheap makeover of the kid's nurseries and I'm thinking of going retro with some wallpaper! Fun? this is the sample I love.
- We're gearing up for our trip back East in two weeks. We actually haven't bought our tickets because of money, but we both have full faith that we're going to make it back!

date night

It's Friday night and we're smack dab in the middle of datenight. Don't hate on me for blogging during datenight, we did the first part sans-Glory, now we're back to feed her & put her down for the night... then romanticity will resume. So, I am going to do a quick quick quick blog about how much I love my husband. Any married woman or man knows there are days, weeks, maybe even months where marriage isn't fun or pretty. This has been one of those weeks for me. I just feel really yuck and not in love with the idea of sharing my life & heart ALL the time.

I was telling Kelly about it earlier this week and she said, "how are your date nights? are you going on one this week?" and I knew in my heart just being alone with Nick and letting him pursue me through the act of dating would probably fix alot of my inner yuck. All day I still wasn't feeling excitement about the night though... I had to work out and then shower, I was having a good conversation with my Ruby & didn't want to get off the phone to get ready, I was worried about glor & didn't want to leave her. But I did eventually get off the phone, put on some date clothes - even some earrings, and go out to Mexican with my man.

And I'm so glad I did. He's so worth it. He loved on me and encouraged me and we talked about Jesus and our kids.
Somethings we decided:
a) Our kids are awesome. Truly awesome. They're so great - we kind of want to be them.
b) Even on the worst of worst days - we would still marry each other all over again, and that's good.
c) We're crazy thankful for Lauren - who watches our babes & loves them so, so, so well.

Ok, enjoy the sexy Jessi/Nick love picture.

the bebe has left the building - well, the room.

Elias slept through the night at six weeks. Our sweet Glor has been a WHOLE other story. I really thought "Elias was easy-peezy, he went to one feeding after two nights, slept through the night quickly, and is now an over-sleeper. We'll do the same stuff with Glory and be fine". Riiiiggght.

I know it's controversial to some moms but I don't mind sharing my little baby-sleeping story. With Elias we followed the baby wise plan and for him, it was truly a great option. Starting at around a week old, when we were sure he was full & tired - we'd stick him in the bassinet and let him cry himself to sleep. He quickly learned to put himself to sleep and the whole process was quite painless.

With Glory's reflux, extreme vomiting, & horrible allergies - determining the difference between a sleepy cry & an intense pain cry was just impossible. Not to mention the fact that her reflux was so bad, she couldn't really lay down flat on her back or side - making it impossible for her to stay in her bassinet asleep without being in pain or throwing up for more than few hours. Thus began a really sad/sweet cycle of her being in and out of her bed, her own bassinet, and no one really getting any sleep.

She is almost fourteen weeks old, but I swear to you - as of last week, I was sure her two-week old preemie cousin, Abel, would sleep through the night before her. She just couldn't make it longer than two hours at a time napping - day or night. I really love that girl, but when you look back on the last thirteen weeks of your life and realize you haven't slept more than two hours at once... ah, I could shed some tired tears. Last week, however, it seemed Glory's newest medicine was really working & she even took a two-hour nap during the day (unheard of in our sleepless world). Nick and I felt like she was ready - she stopped eating at night a few weeks ago, truly she was just snacking and was used to being held. We saw hope on the horizon....

So last night at around 7:15, we decided to put her to sleep and let her cry it out. By 8:00 she was passed out and at 12:00 midnight, she was still asleep - FOUR HOURS. Seriously? She woke up around 12:05, nursed quickly & went straight back to sleep, no crying. At 3:07 she woke again, I know the exact time because I was awake just watching the clock - waiting for her to cry. I went to her bassinet, cuddled her a bit, kissed her a little, rewrapped her & gave her a passy - and put her back down. She cried until 3:37 and passed out again. She slept all the way until 5:30am! So basically - she got 8 hours of sleep after her little eating session & her quick little cry.

I have to say - I don't think one sleep theory works for all kids. I've read about twelve different books in the last few months, but if that's helpful for any moms - great! If not, pray that we make a whole stretch soon. We'll see how tonight goes!

happy fathers day!

wise hands

daddy has wise hands
his hands know rhythm
taught mommy drum beats
at coffeehouses in college.

daddy has wise hands
they moved when he talked
sharing grace with the needy
in Jesus' name.

daddy's hands are so wise
he made that shelf
you can pull your toys down
it won't fall, babe.

daddy has wise hands -
he squeezed your mama's.
she was scared and excited
you were coming so soon.

coffee stained
flipping the pages
cupping our faces
held open with love.

daddy's hands are wise
held you right
from the very first time
we laid sweet eyes on ya'll.

i see those wise hands
throwing you
lifting you
I shudder, then secretly smile.

daddy has wise hands
and loving
and trusting
and just like his fathers.

Summer Praises

So both my mom & sister have now written about things they're excited about for the summer, so I must follow suit.

l. gardening. Truth be told, I've never planted anything successfully in my life and I've killed both of the indoor orchids I've ever had. Today, however, I embarked on my first foray into gardening by way of planting marigolds outside our house. I'm only half done so we'll so how it goes. I also have the idea in mind to put much more color out & do an herb garden.

2. honestly - I love our girls but I'm excited about a little ministry vacation. Our current ladies leave in about two weeks and so far we have none coming in behind them. I'm really excited to have a few weeks to regroup the ministry, our family, & really get settled out here.

3. Our trip back East. In July the whole family is going back to Charlotte, Charleston, & Columbia. I can't wait to see my family, hold baby Abel, get coffee with Mom & Rube, dance with AnnaJaye & Abigail, sit on the back porch at Katie & Josh's, go to Angela & Devin's wedding, see friends, go to Mere's wedding shower, sleep in while my mom holds my baby, and maybe go on a date with my husband.

4. thursday. My small group is going to keep meeting but just as a playgroup and I can't wait to see these women each week & grow closer to them. I also can't wait to take Elias & Glory to various places on the Eastside to play.

5. summer fit club. Yet another reason why I love Mars Hill - they have a fit club once a month this summer for women! A real trainer is going to come & help us get hotttt for our husbands. I mean, healthy. No - I really just mean hot for my husband.

6. visitors. I know we may see the Milanis and my dad is definitely coming this summer. I hope we can convince some more friends to take a last minute trip to the great Northwest.

7. lastly... the weather. Today was the first day in a while it felt anything close to summer and it's only around 70 degrees. Praise God! There is nothing better than that! I felt so bad for my mom/all of the South when she said it was 100 degrees this week & her air conditioning broke in her car. I'm so excited for a summer that is bearable. Today , while gardening, I was able to wear some rolled up jeans and a three-quarter sleeve shirt. Niiice for someone who hates wearing sleeveless stuff.

Okay... that's alot.
I'm excited!

great day.

I like that southern expression, "Great day!" I think I'm going to bring it to the northwest. But truly... it has been.

Ooooooh, this morning I was a pill. Nick, Jared, Lauren, & Maria were headed to Portland and I was so mad I had to stay with the kids that I threw an actual temper-tantrum. There were definitely some sarcastic words said over breakfast and I am publicly apologizing. I even shed a few tears on my way to Starbucks with Glory & Elias - and for that... I am also sorry. Eventually I put on my big girl panties & sucked it up, and we decided to make it a great day.

Elias, Glory, & I spent a good two hours shopping for Father's Day presents for a day who truly deserves them. I got to spend a few minutes talking to my sister, which always makes me thrilled... I'm just in awe of anyone who can take care of three children. Gracefully.

It's only 4:08 pm, but this mama has learned a few things today. My son is a scaredy-cat just like me. He freaked out when I put him on one of the mechanical toys at the mall & today when Mickaela walked in from school, the suprise noise of the door opening startled him to tears. He is however, smart as a whip and he's learning new words daily. So far we've got Daddy, Hi!, ball, book, kiss, please (sort of), Mommy (sort of), up (which also means down), sis, & now we've added.... HELP! A great one, I believe.

I also decided I'm going to start writing some, for serious. Even if I'm the only one who ever reads it. Today I was scanning the books at the store and I realized there is a MAJOR category missing. Where are the funny, witty, mom books for Christians? Who decided all books that have to do with someone loving Jesus must be serious & a little sad? I really wanted to read a book written by a fun Christian mom who doesn't take herself too seriously and wants to share some funny stories... so I'm going to start writing it myself. Anyone want to join me?

let's do it again.

It is so easy for me to feel overwhelmed. Between crazy crying baby, needy handsome toddler, preggos living at the house, & just general stuff to do... my sin nature is to get really flustered & frustrated. I've been working on stuffing it/at least silencing myself so I don't turn into Kate from 'Jon & Kate plus 8'. I'm only kidding, if I had 8 kids under six... I'd nag & complain way more than her.

Anyhow... there is a point to all this. It's Sunday night. My laundry is not done, I'm barely unpacked from my trip back East, I haven't talked to my sister since Friday & today was a big day for her. My to-do list is made & daunting, I have atleast three calls to return. I just borrowed Lauren's awesome new computer so I could respond to emails & I think I sent out about six in three minutes.

Throw up in my hair, Rice Dream ice cream in my belly. A morning coming much too soon.

My heart right now is wanting to go to an ugly place. BUT... I'm not going to. I have a whole week ahead of me... Two awesome kids to love on, one great husband to share it with. Seinfeld every night to fall asleep to. Jesus to walk me through it all. Deep breaths, count to ten. Let's do it again. I'm ready to start fresh... knowing I'm going to fail, to fall. Knowing His grace is going to be right there.

Vote Early, vote often.

Here is a link to save your Favorites. You all know Elias is the most handsome kid you've ever seen, help us get him on the Parents Magazine cover. Go daily, rate all his pictures high & "recommend" them. Have fun!

SAVE THIS LINK:)

thank yous

on days like today, when glory is hurting & i am sleep deprived... i owe a few thank yous:
- to my husband for worrying about me from the second i get out of bed
- to Lauren for being a livein friend, assistant, nanny
- to my small group for holding glor and praying over her
- to kel for hearing how sinful & sad my heart is and letting me cry about it
- to our pediatrician for being willing to try anything & everything to help her
- to marilee & Thadd for forgiving us for cancelling again due to crying bebe
- to Elias for being, well.... just the greatest son ever
- to ruby for putting Abe in the shirt I made him and taking a picture of him cord free
- to my mom for interrupting her harbor cruise to hear about glorys latest battery of tests
- and lastly to my little lamb for gaining thirteen ounces in two weeks, being the prettiest crying baby in america, & laughing for the first time... giving me just a glimmer of hope

oh my gosh! oh my gosh!

Little Abel is doing SO good! Please look at a videa on Ruby's blog to see the MOST precious face you've ever seen. The truth is... the whole time we were in the NICU I wanted to sit back there with Katie and hold his sweet hand, but I have a big problem with pity & when people are sick who I love, I sort of flake. This being the case, I tried to act selfless and let everyone else see him while I stood gaurd in the waiting room with Glory, but now I'm having to restrian myself from cancelling my flight, driving back to Columbia and picking that little manchild up! I think God was just protecting everyone else by making me having an aversion to seeing him, so I didn't hog all the NICU time... because if I was there now, I don't think I could leave his side.

Here's a quick picture of reconnecting with some girls last night... Margaritas & fun times were had by all:) I'm getting on a plane in a few hours and while I'm sad to leave Nonny, Ruby, Abel, Josh, Gibson, Caroline, AnnaJaye, Ab, Selah, & my favorite woodman behind.... I'll be back soon!

expectations

So Abel is doing okay. He had an awesome day yesterday and crashed a little last night. He's on the respirator now & they're hoping to get his little lungs stable so he can get better.

I think I'm leaving Columbia tomorrow & some big chunks of my heart are going to stay here. I seriously, seriously have the strongest sister in the world. Tonight she is going to have to leave her precious little man-child at the hospital & come home to be a mama to two girls who have no idea what is going on in her heart. And she is going to do it well. And she's going to laugh some. Josh is the same way.

I had some expectations about this trip - I had about a million expectations. I expected to be at Katie's side when she pushed out little Abe & she did it so quick, I only heard his first little cries as I made it to her room. I expected to get to put Abel & Glor beside on another for countless pictures and they haven't met yet. I really want to nuzzle with my little nephew and his mom hasn't even held him yet, much less me. I made him some clothes & bought him even more and I wanted to take pictures of those back to Nick & Elias... he just put on his first pair of socks today:). All this to say... I have all these expectations, and I can't IMAGINE how many Josh & Katie have but it seems like the only instruction God is giving anyone right now is patience.

Katie and Lindsay and I had a glimmer of a conversation today that, to me, was really truthful and beautiful. Katie was saying that she had prayed for Abe all night last night and to have him decline today was so depressing and it made her just question the point of prayer. I had a similar conversation with my mom the other night about Glory's reflux (which is FAR less serious) and I just for the first time was really honest and said - I don't really have hope anymore. I have done nights and nights of praying and believing tomorrow will be different. I do know for sure that we're supposed to pray & I know that there is someone who is faithful that we pray to, I just don't know why we do it.

As Lindsay, Jon, & I were sitting outside the NICU - this obnoxious woman came to tell us about her grandson that was in there. I say obnoxious only because he's like three pounds - but doing awesome & will probably leave in a few days unscathed. Also - she was just a little annoying;). She started preaching to all three of us about prayer & how it works EVERY TIME and she even went so far as to say that lately all of her prayers had been answered & it sure seemed like she had a direct line. ohhhhh... I know her heart was good & I know she was trying to inspire hope in us - as pitiful as we probably looked kicking it on the floor outside the NICU. But she just got me thinking...

On days like today, prayer seems a little crazy. It seems really irrational and silly to ask for whatever we want and believe it will happen because some Jesus-Genie is going to provide it. But this is what does seem real: When we talk to Him, ask Him for stuff, praise Him, cry to Him, scream at Him, question Him, or just tell Him how we're feeling; we're remembering who is who. We are remembering He's God and we're us and He's in control & we're indebted. Most of all - talking to Him today is helping me remember how much He cares about my heart, Katie & Josh's hearts, and little Abe's heart. He's sitting with Katie and holding her up through exhaustion & turmoil. He'll be with me at three this morning when I'm telling Him I can't do it anymore... He just does love us so much & He loves to hear our voice. So Jesus, I'm sorry I feel a little hopeless on days like today. I know You can and do show up in big ways all the time. I know You've given all the good gifts and any response besides faithfulness is just crazy. Please heal Abel. Quickly. Please keep Josh & Katie as strong as possible. And please bless that crazy woman from the NICU.