a helpful brother

Because I'm an uber-planner, I've been worrying about our time in the hospital here having baby 3. I have a ton of helpful friends here, but they all have babies of their own and I just know I can't ask them to take care of my kiddos while I'm having my c-section and Nick is bonding with his second little boy. My mom & stepdad are coming out just after to help, my dad & stepmom right after that. My sweet sister would probably pay a million dollars to be here, but it's during her last few weeks of school and understandably, her students need her. I would count on one of our ministry assistants, but New Beginnings has a girl due the exact time as me and I want them to be able to focus on her. What to do, what to do?

Then today, it came to me.
Ask this guy.
Satan.


Just kidding, he's not Satan. He's my awesome brother-in-law, Josh. He just happens to be playing Satan in an Easter production at their church called The Thorn. I gotta tell you, this is him only like halfway dressed up. The pictures are TERRIFYING. I've never been one for dramatic performances in church, but I am dying to see this thing. Not just because it stars Josh, my sister as an angel-dancer, my little sister as a part of Jesus' disciples, and my precious nieces. It looks amazing and I hope many, many people come to know Jesus through it. Pray for The Thorn if you think about it & pray for the Walters & everyone who is a part of the show, which by the way - they don't get paid for. They have like 13 shows in a row to do as a family and definitely pray for Katie, she told me that last night Josh came home in all his crazy makeup. Freaky. Not to mention he is so dedicated he even shaved his head... bald.

If you're in the North/South Carolina area - go buy a ticket!

All that said, we're really excited Josh wants to come help us out while we're in the hospital. It's so great to know Elias' beloved Josh will be here to play with him and Nick will have some good man time at night with him while Tres and I rest.

baby day.

Woosh, it's been a baby-filled day. As if my ministry and livelihood wasn't centered around maternity & fetal goodness - when I take a day off, I have to push it full to the brim with bebes. But it's worth it.

Last night my sweet husband allowed me to go have a little spend the night with miss kal (since her husband was out of town), since we haven't done that since before we both got married and we won't get to do it again... um, ever? We talked about her twinsies, church planting, tres*, and the Lord. It was really nice.

This morning we woke up early to go to her special ultrasound and let me tell you mamas of singletons - we're ALL getting gypped. She gets to go once a week to look at every little detail of those boys! Today was her "short" ultrasound and it lasted an hour! It was amazing! Those boys are tooooo cute for their own good.

If that wasn't enough - I got to hang around Bellevue & wait for the newest Cowan boy to be born. Poor Kel & Jason (and the girls) have been fighting a bad flu all weekend, but they all made it through the c-section safe and sound! I'll let them do the official announcing on their blogs, but I can't help but tell you one big detail: he is HANDSOME. So handsome.

Then I made the drive back to the metropolis of Puyallup to play with my little ones and the whole way home, all I could think of was how excited I am to have this tres. Oh - my sidenote from before. Have I told you we've TOTALLY, DEFINITELY named him? We have. And we're totally, definitely not changing it. Just Nick and I were saying tonight how much it is him - his name. I think we'll be keeping it semi-private still, since I get weird and protective when I hear people saying my in-utero-names - but I am practicing calling him his actual name more often with family & close friends. We've even tried to get the kids to say it, since neither of them are necessarily great at pronunciation, and they're close. Definitely close. Elias will even rock Glor's doll and say the name as he pats the baby's back. Gloriana - she just yells, "puppup", bites the baby's nose and throws it down on the ground. Hm, we'll work on it.

wall art

So one thing I'm having fun looking for is the type of art we'd like to have in our new little Boston place. We had very little art in Charlotte and come on, you can't put a contemporary oil painting in our Puyallup farmhouse. A lot of these are fantasy picks, but here are some I'm oogling over.

I'd love this funky gold piece to lay up against a mantel in a living room.



Since the color scheme for Glory & Tres' room is going to be lime-yellow & purple, I love this 8x10 print from Etsy.



Oooooh, this series of prints for the kitchen would be wonderful.



One thing I would love to take with us or re-buy is this massive mirror that Marilee and I picked up last week at IKEA. We hung it this week at New Beginnings over one of our sofas, and I am obsessed with it. It's just massive and we hung it horizontally - just above the sofa, which completely opened up the room. I love it. For $80, it is an amazing room changer.



But most importantly, can I show ya'll the inspiration I'm going to be using for our main living space? Thing bold colors mixed with lots of dark nuetrals (i.e. our existing leather furniture and dark wood coffee table). And I'll definitely be channeling Nie and doing some silhouettes.


Oh, I just can't wait. I have lots of DIY projects to get started on and lots of bargain hunting to do between now and August!

in 24 hours

Want to know what it's like to be a housemom at a maternity home?
Here's a glimpse.

Last night, Nick and I had one of our sweetest ministry moments here so far. We were sitting downstairs by the fire with one of the girls... she speaks barely any english and we were fumbling through a conversation, just enjoying her and trying to get to know her better. In all honesty, she is a complete joy. She cooks us authentic mexican food three times a week and is always trying to clean up, after herself, after our kids, before we can even make a mess. While we were just sitting and relaxing, she had absentmindedly picked up the quilt I started for Glory a year ago and was finishing the edging by hand - just to be helpful. We were joking that her and I should start a clothing line and I asked Nick to translate to her, "I wish you'd move to Boston with us!". She thought that was sweet but we all laughed that it was too frio for her. Then she had him translate, "I wish you'd adopt my baby!". Agh. Seriously. We always joke that none of our girls would ever ask that, because they have to see us up close as parents and certainly wouldn't trust us with their babes - but she continued to press the issue. She's due a day after me and kept telling us, "you can have the twins you prayed for!". Ugh. I had to leave them room, I just couldn't take it. So sweet & so encouraging. Of course I knew my husband's answer before I asked him - too close to our baby's due date, too much with the church planting, too many great parents who need babies... but still it made my night. Maybe my week.

And on the flipside. I'm about 100% positive one of our other girls stole my makeup bag last night. No joke. I'm not even a jump-to-conclusions kind of gal. Whenever we've had something missing and one of our girls has been suspected, I am always the one saying, "seriously - she didn't take it. We'll find it." But I intentionally put it on the bench by the door on my way to bed last night and when I went to grab it this morning - totally gone. Kids were asleep, couldn't have moved it. Other girls haven't seen it. Husband's torn the house apart looking for it. And this little preggo just happens to be the same one who was caught "borrowing" Lauren's lipgloss a few weeks ago. So now, I'm looking and relooking in all the right and wrong places and pacing until she gets home at 6pm when I have to ask to search her bookbag. I half hope I find it, half hope I don't. If she stole it, I have to ask her to leave immediately and if I don't find it - I feel crazy and I'm still out of all my makeup. lose, lose.

So, that's what can happen in twenty four hours here.
Oh, August - come soon.

resting in mediocrity

I decided last week that for Miss Gloriana's birthday party, I wanted to make her a REAL cake - with fondant and everything. I had grand visions of smooth purple and pink shapes and women standing around it with their mouths agape. I even tempered the situation with reality and pictured Miss Thang sticking one ginormo fist into the cake, ruining it and bringing it to completion, all in one fell swoop.

On the day of the party, with my sweet mama there to help, the cakes baked and waiting, the fondant colors made and prepared - my mediocrity reared it's normal little head. I couldn't get even one piece of fondant to be thin and big enough (without breaking) to cover even the small layer of cake. Darn, I thought this might happen. Did I foresee the fondant being hard to work with? Sure, but more than that I feared that yet another attempt to rise above being 'a jack of all trades and a master of none' would leave my girl with a silly looking cake and my clothes covered in sticky, sugary paste.

We deemed the cake whimsical and our friends were beyond gracious. In general, I was surprisingly pleased with the taste of the cake and I think my girl loved it just fine. But it certainly got me thinking.

There was a time in my life when I really believed that if I tried hard enough, it would be possibly to be the most something. The most stylish, the most smart, the most successful, the most creative, the most Christlike, or the most loving wife & mother. At every new place in life, I quickly surmised that the goal to be the most was unrealistic and sinful - at best. It made me compare myself all too often, which we women know is basically the root of all evil for us, and more than that - it made me want to make other women feel bad. That sounds horrible and disgusting, but isn't it true? If we want to be recognized as the best of something, we are wanting other people to feel inferior, to feel less than.

Now, I'm not nearly totally free from this issue and I even had to confess to my mom the other night that when I've been pregnant for three years and have the energy level of a half-dead slug and thus CANNOT nearly begin to strive to be the prettiest or the most useful, I tend to just deflect my desire to be the most onto my children. I think, "well they're not the most _______, but atleast they're ______". You can go ahead and call me disgusting. As a mother, as a woman of God, I believe Christ died so that I can be enough in Him alone and when I can't rest in that, I project my sin on to my helpless babes. If they don't hear and see from me that they are amazing and mind blowing in the blood of Jesus alone, it will be such a hard road for them. This isn't the kind of sin you confess to yourself and ponder for a while - you have to stop that thought process in it's tracks and run from thinking such evil things about yourself or your family.

So my cake and my confession has me thinking a lot today. Praying a lot today. There is always a time to work hard, to be our best in Jesus' name, and to exhaust ourselves for His purpose. But, for me, in this moment - I have to rest in my mediocrity. Not only can I drop out of the race for the trophy of the most, but I can stop looking beside me to see where I even line up in the running. I was the worst - who met a Savior - and is now enough.

my honey-do list.

Have I never told y'all this?

My husband is seriously an EXPERT, little amateur carpenter.
He's manly, he's seriously hot, he loves Jesus, and boy can he design & build some furniture. He gets it from his Dad, who is no amateur and had made a lot of really beautiful furniture for us!
When we moved here to Puyallup, we needed an entertainment system & some creative shelving.
He did a little drawing and started to work in the shed out back and in all honesty, I had my doubts but out came this beautiful 10 foot tall corner unit that he not only built, stained, and installed - but also made built-in bedside tables to match. I'm not sure that I've ever shown it on the old blog, but here is a very rudimentary picture.



All of a sudden, I'm on a new kick. I have all this pent up decorating inside of me just dying to unleash itself on our tiny new Boston apartment - wherever it is - and I'm just coming up with lists and lists of things that I want Nick to build before we get there. Toddler beds, occasional tables, and picture frames. Right now he's busy dropping my mom off at the airport and by the time he gets home, I may have about sixteen pictures printed off for him - designs just ready for him to unleash his interpretation on. It's at least giving me a reason not to be sad that my mama is gone.

quickie thought.

Great day & night with Nonny dear.
Started with some botched french toast in the morning -
on to brain surgery, otherwise known as covering a baby girls cake with fondant.
Relax time with mama and then on to the party for the lamb at Miss Marilee's.
Good, good friends. Good, good food. Whimsical and surprisingly not-too-sweet cake.
I kept thinking, "have we only been here a year? I don't want to go!"
then lots of talking about boston on the way home and thought...
what will He have done in another year?
It's really amazingly sweet when the intensely great friends you have now
make you crazy excited to meet the ones in the future.
And of course, pictures to come.

nonny list

My mom & I are both intense list makers. We're psychotic planners and we ALWAYS feel better when there is an agenda. So, in honor of her short three day visit - here is my list of things I want to accomplish.

- Make a cake together for Glory's birthday party. I even made some fondant to use for decorating! I would like if it looked like this, it will probably at best look like this.
sidenote: anyone worked with fondant before? I'd love your tips!
- Sit & drink coffee together.
- Take her to Mars Hill.
- Watch her play play-doh with Elias. Which, you know, he calls "cookies".
- Let her enjoy how intensely excited the kids are in the morning.
- Maybe get a manicure together. puh-lease Nick?
- Watch her get a kiss from Glory.
- Sit with her, Kal, Kelly, & Marilee and let her see some of the
amazing women God has given me here.
- Have her help me start planning our place in Boston, maybe help me look online for one!
- Let her laugh at Tres' enormous growth, meaning my enormous growth, since January.
- Take her to brunch at Hector's in Kirkland & scout to see if we can see
Jason, the Bachelor, then throw stuff at him.
- Have someone else to laugh with at how passionate my
quiet husband becomes when watching March Madness. It's a sight.

Ok, that should do! Hurry up Nonny! We can't wait!

idol brackets

So, last year Nick and I joined the Stinsons & the Cowans doing an Idol draft bracket to pick our winner. Of course this year - we had to follow suit. (Nick wants me to mention that HE won last year) As often happens, a hilarious email chain started. I decided that the chain should be made into blog form. 42 emails were exchanged today... about American Idol. Or, just general nuttiness. I may need to skip a few, I mean - 42?

Nick: Jasmine anyone... She is still in it right...Gaylord Focker's kid (jorge is the only one off right?). I will just write her in.
Kalle: so nick is clearly not even watching this year
Nick: Kalle...put this on your wall and frame it. (he attaches his picks)
Kalle: nick, you are crazy if you think that weird dancing megan is going to make it to number two. she was in the bottom last week! but i do agree with you on danny.
Nick: Kalle you are sleeping on Megan.
Kalle: the idol expert has spoken
Jason: not sure she was actually in the bottom... but they did drag her out there and compare her to the girl who was... or was she actually? i don't remember them saying that.
ps. when did shawn get taken off the thread?
Kalle: lol that's hilarious. where DID shawn go. I guess we kicked him off for the insane assumption that jason had time to do a point bracket. what was he thinking??
you're right. i stand corrected. i dont think they ever said it was the official bottom two. I just thought that's what that meant. If she makes it to the last two I'll kill myself.
Jessi: I love her crazy weirdo dancing.
Nick: I hope she dances all night long...all night...all night long..
Jason: i hate it. and won't be happy if she makes it far either.
Nick: They will clean her up do not worry...Can we talk about the real problem and that is ADAM! Make-up aside he screams like an 80's big hair band...I want to throw up in my mouth every time!
Jason: ditto. gross. the makeup is like cake.
Kalle: I really really really dislike him. I actually hate the sound of his voice and do not understand why the judges are so about him. I mean, yea he has a range, but so do I-it's called screaming.
Jessi: I hate adam too. He needs to go to a29 bootcamp. Also, I now strongly dislike kalle because I just realized she was emailing all of you as she pretended to be involved in our phone conversation. Hm.
Kalle: i am dying laughing right now. For the record jessi I am in incredible multi tasker and was listening to everything you said. i was intensely involved in our convo. I prob sent this while you were denying your son another snack:)
and i do not think they would let him in boot camp due to the graphic same sex make out session pictures of him that are circulating the internet
Kalle: are we still friends jessi? i know sometimes these email chains make you nervous that we have now all officially divorced each other...but now i'm the one who is worried.
Jessi: Ill let you sit & wonder like I always do.
Jason: drama.
what if we men did this. nick, are we still friends? you said i was mean. me so sad. you hate me. i hate you now.
are we still friends?
Nick: I am dying laughing.
Jason: wait, you didn't use an exclamation point. does this mean you mean it in a flat toned way meaning that you didn't like what i said? did i hurt your feelings? are we still friends?
Kalle: first I'd like to say though you are really nailing me right now bc I have actually thought some of those very things.(ie you didn't use an exclamation point, are you mad?) you have also basically made us women out to be five year olds. "me so sad" ?? come on. We can still use correct sentence structure even in our highly emotional states.
Jessi: Agreed, kalle!!!!:)
We are very emotionally fueled and socially responsible women who are capable & needed:):)!!!!
Xoxo! Lylas.
Jason: sorry, didn't mean to make you sound like 5 year olds. that was more me just being lazy. and i am only messing around anyway! love you all and love the random silly threads that always develop.
Kalle: And now I feel very certain that we are friends again due to all the exclamation points and smiley faces! Thank you for reuniting us Jajon
Jason: nick, in case there was any confusion from before, let me settle it like this: lylab
Kalle: LOL jason, I dare you to make that your signature on all your emails.
LYLAB
Jason Cowan Starbucks

sweet saint patrick

I think I'll definitely wanting to be getting into St. Patricks Day this year. 

reasons why?

- I'm Irish by marriage to a sweet Connolly. My kids have the precious pale skin & and reddish-blonde hair of their daddy. 

- St. Patrick was um, a baller. He was captured as a slave when he was sixteen, and when he escaped six years later - he returned from Ireland to share Christ with his hometown. 

- He baptized thousands & ordained tons of priests, in an effort to spread the church and the fame of Christ. He was in essence, a movement leader, a rudimentary church planter. 

- St. Patrick's Day gives me one more reason to use the shamrock cookie cutter from my pack of 101 cookie cutters, which my husband did not want me to buy for fear I wouldn't use them. Hmph. 

- I'll let Nick give an official, "this-is-how-assessment-went-and-this-is-the-plan-when-we-know-it" blog, but I think it is safe to say this time next year we'll be living in Boston, and they take St. Patrick's Day pretty seriously. 

- One of my favorite quotes from St. Patrick hits very close to home right now. While he was enslaved he had a vision of himself going to share the gospel with the people who needed to hear it. "As I began the letter, I imagined in that moment that I heard the voice of those very people... and they cried out, as with one voice: 'We appeal to you, holy servant boy, to come and walk among us'.  

thoughts on wall-e

As far as the modified bedrest is going, I keep pretending like I've been healed or something - but then I realize that I'm really just living a half existence. I still get to do most stuff with the kids, but I haven't been anywhere alone with them in a while and a trip up the stairs carrying even Glory puts me out for a good while. This morning I even prevented us from a trip to church because I let my iron get too low and passed out a little bit. Boo. It's just hitting me how really different this pregnancy is & how truly modified I'm living.

That being said, a favorite afternoon activity of mine has become spending Elias' rest time with him while Glory naps. He is a complete and total cuddle bug and one of our favorite rest movies is Wall-E. Don't worry, Shrek, Cars, & 'trains' still holds a special place in his heart - but Wall-E is making a fast gain on all of them. I love watching it because in all sincerity, I can sort of just doze off while he snuggles up to me - there is very little dialogue and not many loud zooming noises, even some nice melodic background music. About five minutes into Wall-E, I usually thank God that I am a stay at home mom and get to take a cuddle break each afternoon. Then if Nick is anywhere near or I can reach a cell phone, I try to thank him for giving me this opportunity. I don't want to take that for granted.

Anyhow, something about the edge of sleep or the repetition of our daily routine has made me extremely philosophical about Wall-E. So, this post is for any of you that have the same questions I do. If you have answers, please respond promptly - hopefully before rest time this afternoon.

a) How is my little a.d.d. toddler interested in this wordless film? I'd say 80% of the film's communication is nonverbal. Maybe this is the biggest reason his vocab is a little stunted - he's a nonverbal communicating genius.
b) How did the "go-green" effort of this decade go so far awry? I mean, I haven't changed all my light bulbs to the swirly ones just yet - but I have a hard time believing that in just a mere 100 years we'd be living in feet and feet of trash?
c) What happened to Etsy? The premise of Wall-E is that BNL (buy-in-large), a Walmart-type company, takes over the USA & convinces us to go live in space while they clean up the mess we've made. I really thought Etsy was going to slowly put Walmart to shame, if not out of business. Hmph.
d) Why is the wall-e we know & love the only one who survived? Is it because of his personality adaptation and ability to love? Did the other ones not have this emotion and therefore did they lack the tenacity it took to survive their endless days of clean-up?
d2) Is our Eve the only Eve who has the ability to love to? And is that why she likes to dance so much?
e) What are those crazy windstorms? Are they related to the trash issue?
f) Why do the people on the Axiom live longer? Check on the dates that the captains serve as captains. Like over a hundred years each. Interessant.
g) How do they make babies on the Axiom? If they don't talk to one another, do they still mate? Why did mamas stop being mamas and daddys stop being daddys? If robots are raising those fatty little babies, wouldn't they be a society of sociopaths?
h) How do they live so long if they're so fat? Are we to believe they AREN'T getting diabetes, heart disease, & heart attacks from those crazy slurpees & cupcakes-in-a-cup?
i) How are they going to live on earth amidst the psycho wind storms?
and lastly, Nick prompted the most important questions -
j) When they do go back to earth and start planting their pizza seeds and getting skinny again, do we think that is what the new heaven & new earth will look like when Jesus comes back? Good question, husband, good question.

ok. that's all for now. thanks for any answers you can provide.

some birthday mornin pics

So, Elias & mommy hog the camera just a bit.
glor-glor was busy eating pancakes.
But, HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLORY!

a friday hodge podge

I really want to write a Lauren blog to continue my series before she leaves, but the emotion just sort of hit me at her going away lunch today - so I'm going to have to hold off. If I don't, I may crawl up to her room in tears and beg her to stay. Walking in the door from lunch, I just sort of got an ugly cry face and told her to stay away from me. I love her a lot.

In other news, here's whats going on in our life while we try to carry on as normal:
- Tomorrow is Miss Gloriana's first birthday. I wrote my bday tribute here, but I can't say enough... I cannot believe it has been a year since she was born. Cannot. This has been the FASTEST year of my life.
- My mom is coming next week! She surprised us a few days ago and we cannot wait! While she's here we're going to have an official birthday party for miss thang and we'll actually get to show her a little bit of our world without a newborn in tow.
- After my mom's visit, the goodness doesn't stop there! Next Erin Timmons is coming, then Merry & Craig, then possibly then Ladd's, then it's time for Tres to come which means my mom and Gibson come AGAIN, then my dad & Judith, then hopefully The Walters! If you want to add yourself to our list of visitors - DO IT. We really want to share our little world before we leave here and now that things are sort of winding down New Beginnings wise, this is the best time ever to come! We'd love to have you! pre-or-post-Tres!
- I think I've firmly figured out both of my kid's primary love languages and plan to blog about it. This is been really helpful for figuring out how to best relate to them. Elias' is undoubtedbly physical touch. This morning during rest time - he looked at me from across the bed and said - "Mommy - hold me." He is my son.
- Thanks for all of your who are praying/prayed for us during the assessment process! I didn't mean to leave you hanging! Our interview went well - our main prayer was that they would be totally clear on who we were: the good & the bad. Nick and I both felt like they grasped his heart for ministry & his biggest struggles, so that puts them in the perfect place to give us wisdom. We should hear back in the next few weeks and we'll make plans accordingly!
- I have a follow up ultrasound on Tuesday and I'm pretty sure they're going to tell me that #3 is sixteen pounds. My belly has almost quadrupled and my eating has been incredible. One day at the conference, I ate two sandwiches because I was just that hungry and then started getting light headed like 30 minutes later and had to eat some more. I think we're dealing with one big boy.
- ok, I think that's all I've got for now. Love you guys!

seriously - I'll do it.

We're on the last few hours of the last day of church planting bootcamp. For those of you who don't know, which a lot of people don't, church planting bootcamp is kind of meant to look a lot like real bootcamp. It a) breaks you down, breaks down the selfish and glamorous ideals you have about planting a church, b) gives you a really realistic picture of what planting a church is like - in an effort to sober and excite you all at once, and c) it sorts out the people who are or are not ready to plant a church. Nick and I are in the scary division of church planters called "parachute plants", meaning if/when we go to Boston - we're going without a group of people already established, to a culture we don't totally understand, & to a city that has a high-need for churches. That being said, the assessment process is really important for us. If we're not ready - we shouldn't go. Moreover, if Acts 29 doesn't think we're able, we don't want to go. We're not trying to start a church plant and gain influence in people's lives and mess up a ministry and thus, waste people's time and do an injustice to the gospel.

From a possible church planting wife's perspective, I've been really incredibly thankful for these past two days. I'm really thankful for the speakers who have opened my eyes, for the pastors wives who have humbly been transparent about their hardest struggles & greatest gains, and for the team that will sit with us for two hours tomorrow and gracefully question our motives, abilities, marriage, ministry perspective, and most importantly - our understanding of the redemptive work of Jesus.

I wish I could say I've felt this open and grateful for the past forty-eight hours, but come on - let's be honest. Sitting in session after session at a "bootcamp" will tear you down, build you up, whip you around, and shift your heart. On the way to Seattle yesterday, I was already tearing up - weighing the cost of what we might do. I made Nick promise for about the sixteenth time that we were doing this for Jesus, not for ourselves or for a job or because it seemed like the right thing to do. His answer is always the same, that yes - Jesus is the only reason He'd do this. I believe him.

After twelve hours of boot-camp yesterday, I was teary again on the way this morning. Not terrified or sad, just really sobered and chock-full of pregnancy hormones. Right off the bat today, we heard just maybe my favorite pastor of all time, PJ Smyth from South Africa, give about the most beautiful call to follow Jesus. He talked about Peter's walk with Jesus in John 21, and how incredible Jesus' questions were for Peter. He didn't ask his mission or vision for the New Testament church, he didn't ask Peter what his spiritual gifts were, and he didn't ask the name he would use for the first post-pentecostal gathering. He simply asked Peter if he loved Him - three times.

So, tomorrow is our interview. No matter the outcome, I know for sure that my husband and I love Jesus. I know for sure that the two of us should willingly do what He asks us, go where He sends us. If He says stay in Puyallup for the rest of your lives and minister to the farmers and their sheep, we'll do it. I feel pumped to live the rest of my life in relationship with the One who changed history, the One who changed my history, the One who saved my silly, gross, sinful soul. Pray for us if you think about it - for peace in our hearts, wisdom for the people assessing us, and grace for us to hear their wisdom. Our biggest call in life - for ALL OF US who are believers - is the great commission: to go, make disciples, baptize, & teach the people. I know for certain after these two days, that seriously - we will go wherever and however Jesus wants us to do that.

Whatever the outcome, I'm thankful for bootcamp. There is something nice about being stripped down and built back up in Christ alone. I'll probably post some notes from all the amazing sessions over the next few weeks and we'll let you know as soon as our next steps in life become more clear!

videos to tide you over

Nick & I are at Mars Hill Ballard all day Mon, Tues, & Wed for our Acts29 bootcamp & assessment. You can DEFINITELY be praying for us.
In the meantime, here are two videos of my sweet bebes wrestling and "cuddling".

gloriana

Gloriana - 

Today as you napped, I was sorting your clothes. For whatever reason - doing your laundry is always way more fun than doing mine. As I pulled out new stuff, old stuff, I checked all the tags for the age ranges and had to evaluate each little outfit. Could it be that 12 month pants need to go in the donation pile already? Woosh, I guess you are a year old. Truly, your petite little ankles stretch far beyond the bottoms of most of those hems. 

When I came to your old brown dress, the one that used to swallow you - I laughed as I thought about how your strong little arms could probably rip those seams, tearing that dress in two. I almost threw that one in a pile for a friend, then decided to keep it - just to tell you about how tiny you were, how I will never forget the picture of you in the dress - perched on the floor like a starving, angry little queen with your limbs outstretched in authority. 

I held this one miniscule little onesie and sat in awe looking at it for many minutes. I can't really remember you ever wearing it - though it did look worn, but I was just overcome with the bitesize threads that held such a massive little lady. With less than ten pounds of body, you just burst into our lives and shook it all up - you demanded so much, right from the beginning. 

When you were in my belly, the reality that we faced screamed for a reaction from us. Yes, Jesus loved you and me - yes, He wanted the best for us - but He didn't promise perfection and long lives. He did however, promise peace and when we faced the thought of losing you, He delivered in abundance. 

And girl, when you came out and just shrieked at me for months - you demanded love. Love that a sinful mama couldn't provide, so I went to Jesus and again - He supplied. In abundance. 

The two of you - you & that brother you love so much, you ganged up and together with your crying and your diapers and your fast legs and all the climbing - you demanded that I step outside of myself for every single minute of every single day and think about you first and me second. I didn't like that, so I fought it for a bit & then Jesus stepped in & provided all the strength and the energy and the stamina. Your helpful Daddy didn't hurt the matter. 

Most of all lady, your pintsize little ball of fierceness served as a constant reminder that I had to be something for you to want to be like. Could I step up and be the kind of woman you would want to be like? Moreover, did I think that this place in life - this mama thing was worthy enough for you to yearn for. If I didn't ever have my picture in a magazine, my name on a cover, my feet on a stage - was that good enough for me? Would it be good enough for you? An afternoon with you and a few minutes in prayer answered that yes, it was. If you and I were only ever wives and mamas and daughters of the King, that was more than enough and more than we deserved. 

My girl, you are still a little ball of goodness demanding that I do the right thing. It seems hard to imagine that you've been here a year - I didn't think either of us would look like this a year later, I didn't think either of us would be who we are a year later. But I am so glad. You have demanded a lot, Jesus has provided a lot, and I cannot wait for another year of growth with you. Who will you be in twelve months? Who will I be? I can't wait to see, Glor. 

In much appreciation, your mama. 

larlar tribute #1

This will be blog Issue #1 of how many it takes to honor our sweet Lauren. I'm going to just randomly list some of my favorite memories and things about her.

1. One day about a month after Glory was born, I was helping Lar trim her hair and made it look identical to mine. This prompted us to dress up like one another to the extreme. I made her carry Glory around for like thirty minutes. Here is the blog she wrote about it.

2. One of my favorite things about Lauren is she really likes to impress you with stories or information. Atleast once a day, she'll tell me that she is about to make my day by some info she has for me. However, she refuses to let you impress her with your bits of news. When I tell her something and expect her to just die laughing or with excitement, her response is usually: "well, obviously". She keeps me humble.

3. When Lauren emailed me to show her interest in coming to New Beginnings - her entry line was literally, "I mean - I could come and help fold laundry or something". She is service oriented to a fault and will give until she actually dies. For this reason, I helped write an email to a potential job prospect this week and forced her to type the word "hire" and delete the words, "help out".

4. This picture.
from now until forever, a picture of love ingrained in my memory will be Lauren, standing in the kitchen, covered in flour - making something. A cake, some bread, some lasagna - something.

5. You have to love someone that you has seen the same kind of crazy you've seen and knows neither of you could ever explain the bulk of it to someone else. Some phrases I could say to Lauren in ten years and we would both either cry, roll our eyes, or die laughing:
"my mom cooked with honey!" (there's a shoutout for you Kendra), twin pictures, pepper monster, Mason, the dungeon, juicy ******, goat meat, drunk jimmy, crazy m and her voices that night, back alley prowlin, baby teething necklaces, glory & Rodney Dangerfield, brittanynicole, the kind of people who wear christian tshirts, monday nights - or was it Tuesday?, swings in the closet, shrek hair, pink hair, tendrils, dominating - whether it be Glory or Beulah, "yeeesssss", baby snatchers, and people.com quizzes.
Just to name a few.

... ok, look out for installation number 2 coming soon.

hospital update

*** Update *** Sweet baby girl was born last night at 8:29pm to a trooper.
Seven pounds & 4 ounces. Keep praying if you will, she is having some trouble with her lungs & will be in the NICU for a bit.




In case you missed this last blog, I'll not scare you and make you think that I'm in labor.

We've (Lauren & I) have been at the hospital the better part of today waiting on one of our girls to give birth and it's been a sweet reminder of how blessed we are to be a part of this ministry. There is kind of nothing greater in the world, than getting to walk a whole family (or really - two families) through a birth and adoption, while getting to talk about Christ and his adoptive love for us.

Still no baby yet, our sweet Victoria has been a trooper - we're about twelve hours in and she still hasn't gotten an epidural, she's just barely grunting at each contraction.

Also, I'd be lying if I said being here wasn't making me anxious for my own hospital day coming up. Now - if we just had a name for our little son-to-be.

your birthday every day

When we were praying about coming out here to be the houseparents at New Beginnings, I kept getting so excited about being their for the birth of babies. I would picture myself holding their feet and grunting with them, maybe quietly shedding a tear when she did the final push - standing silently on the side of the room the first time she held her baby. I constantly would tell people, "it's like your birthday every day!". Outside of Jesus & my family, labor and delivery is about one of my favorite things in the world. 

We've had twelve girls live here over the course of the year and because of circumstances, I've only gotten to be present when one of the babies was born - and it was a c-section. For a few Nick has been out of town, for some Glory had just been born, and in general - I've just not been able to be there. Lauren has been a great assistant and is there for them, but in the back of my heart, I'm always dying a little bit when I get the text in the middle of the night saying the baby is out & I'm at home - wishing I could have been there. 

Switch the focus to Victoria, one of our newest girls who we are pretty much in love with. Right after her interview, I told Nick, "I want her baby". Of course, I was kidding - but she is truly the whole reason we think New Beginnings exists. She has a great, supportive family - but just needed some time and space away for the end of her pregnancy and birth, to feel taken care of and get some peace. We got a major little shock tonight before dinner when we found out that she is going to be induced tomorrow due to some minor complications. 

She really only just found out she was pregnant a month or so ago, and tomorrow she is going to be a mama. The adoptive family that is going to raise her baby just found out that they're having a baby tomorrow too, & they're coming tonight to meet her. Right now we're in the middle of an emergency childbirth class and after this we have about a zillion things to do to prepare. She is still in a bit of shock, but her sweet little heart is taking it all in stride. 

If you would, pray for her tomorrow. Pray for her sweet baby girl, for their new family. Pray for her biological family and the doctors who will take care of her. And if you think of it, pray that I'll be able to contain my excitement because I will actually get to be at the hospital WITH Lauren if everything goes as planned. It is one last hurrah for us together and a really sweet gift from the Lord. I mean, it's all really about Victoria tomorrow, but I'd by lying if I said I wasn't about to pee my pants. But don't worry - I'll keep a calm face and won't mention that I feel like it's my birthday because I'm so excited. 

quickie

A few quick, important items: 

1. Happy Belated Blog Birthday to sweet Marilee!

 

2. I cannot even talk about the bachelor last night. I was at Mare's bday party in Bellevue and decided to watch a little when I got home. I cried and then cried some more. Nothing in this world has ever made me more thankful for my husband & his view of commitment & love. 

3. Two events I'm planning right now. Our world is rapidly changing - 

for the better & the worse. 

pieces of sunday

3:00am: For the third night in a row, I am convinced I hear cackling and screaming outside our window. We've had some girls up to no good lately, so I go down to investigate & find one of our squirlier girls standing in the middle of the hallway, not quite dressed. She acts like I'm crazy for wanting to know what in the heck she is up to at 3am.

7am: I hear the sweet high pitched squeals of my kiddos & muster up all the energy I can for some strawberry pancakes. Debate going to church, all the germs are scary & we've just gotten healthy.

9am: Am still enjoying breakfast with sweet babies... we were taking our sweet time. Have a dance-music-filled morning that wore me out. At one point, Elias raises his hands, as if in praise, while dancing. I decide that despite the germs we should be at church, worshiping together. Also during the third round of the kid's favorite song, they are both sitting on the kitchen counter holding hands and the light is coming from behind their heads - making them look like little pancake-crusted angels. A picture or video would never do justice to that moment.

1pm: After hearing a great sermon by Pastor Jesse and having some family worship, Glory upchucks just a little. Oh man! Did she catch germs that fast? Are we in for another week of the flu? Nope, Daddy just flipped her around too much in worship.

1:30pm: Convo on the way home.
(we're watching the kids have a staring contest with one another in the backseat)
Jessi: "are you afraid we won't be able to love tres as much as we love these two ever?"
Nick: "no, I think it's great. with each one, i love them more & myself less."
mmm, good word.

3:00pm: my boy passes out beside me, very sweet if only for a minute.
glory has never, NEVER napped with me - but elias will hunker down and cuddle up next to me sixteen times a day if I let him. a nap with his hand flung across my belly & his hot breath on my face is about as close to heaven on earth that i'll ever get.

4:30pm: I lose my temper because of a two year old temper-tantrum and a 19 year old pregnant attitude. Lots of deep breaths & a few tears.

6pm: Kids back in bed, sweetly squealing - I muster up all the energy I can to go meet with the girls for our weekly meeting. It's been a hard week and we're about to go from 5 girls to 3.

8:30pm: I'm back in bed, belly full of Taco Bell, getting ready to pray with my husband.
Let's do it all over again.