keeping it real.

Here are the facts:
- Nick and I are in bed, at our house, watching Seinfeld like every night.
- Our big babes are in their beds, peacefully dreaming. They've been a sweet, hot, mess for the past few days - knowing that things aren't all that normal, but not all that bad either (since they've had a great Nonny to love & spoil them).
- Benjamin is in the NICU, a few miles away, and while it was hard to leave him tonight - his pleasant little sleeping face assured me that he'd be fine till the morning, when we'll hopefully get to bring him home.
- We're all of a sudden a family of five. That's a blessing I don't quite understand yet.
- While we were in busy meeting & caring for Benjamin, Gloriana decided to start walking! I don't mean she is taking a few steps, she is a WALKER. Crazy!
- While you might think the third c-section in two years would mean you get the hang of something, you'd be wrong. This one has been a doozy & this mama is struggling.
- We're REALLY, really thankful for all the sweet calls & emails, blog comments, and facebook messages from friends and family. I feel like we've been barely awake for the past two days, so thanks for loving on us.
- I told Nick today I can't wait for some random day, like two Tuesdays from now. When Benjamin is home & a normal part of our family, when the big babes aren't so worried that we might take off again for a few days and know we're here to stay, when my post-surgery body can cuddle up beside him or sit indian-style on the floor during play time. There are some challenges ahead, but also a lot of fun. I'm really excited to start this adventure.

some thoughts

I keep trying to write a blog, but I'm just too tired & sleep deprived to make a sentence.
How about some pictures instead?

to tide me over

I am so glad to say I just got back from holding & attempting to nurse the precious Benjamin. I couldn't even think about sleep last night and I finally got an update from the NICU at around 2am that our boy was off all breathing support & just had an iv to deal with! Of course, that minute I wanted to be there - but my nurses made me wait until I had spent a little more time in bed recovering from the c-section.

Sooooo, Nick and I got to go at 4am this morning and I cannot begin to describe the way we both already love this boy. It helps me understand the heart of the Lord so much more - to love three different children, in three different ways - all way more than I could ever put into words.

We took tons of pictures but it's time for me to try & sleep a little while Benjamin continues to get used to life on earth, so enjoy these videos from yesterday while you wait! I can tell you - yesterday he looked a lot like Glory with brown hair, today he's proven that without tubes or anything - he is his own man, looking like only himself & not really anyone in our family! I love it, love him - my sweet little Benjamin.

Benjamin Haddon Connolly

We are overjoyed to introduce Benjamin Haddon Connolly.
He was born at 3:13pm this afternoon, weighing 8 pounds & 10 ounces.





Our c-section went really well, but unfortunately Benjamin swallowed a good amount of fluid on his way out so he is spending some time in the neonatal intensive care unit. At first he was having a really hard time breathing and it looked like that was going to be a big issue for him. Praise the Lord, that cleared up really quickly & he is only getting a little help breathing right now. His first few hours were such a fight, so he will stay in the nicu until he is a little stronger and ready to fight off Glory & Elias.

Nick & I are doing well, but we are really needing and wanting to hold and love on him. Nick got to hold him for a few minutes - but I haven't really gotten to be near him yet & that is killing me a little. He is so handsome though - so far, it seems that he DOES have the dark hair I predicted and seems to be really similar in looks to Glory! Here are a few pictures to tide you all over.

.........................................

His name means "son of my right hand" & he shares a middle name with one of our spiritual heroes, Charles Haddon Spurgeon.
Thank you for your prayers & well wishes... please keep them coming. We can't wait for you all to meet him.

preparation day

Here are the things officially left to do on my list:
- clean master bathroom mirror/floors
- clean downstairs bathroom
- put the guest bed sheets on
- wash our sheets
- change the kids crib bedding
- one last laundry load for me & kids
- put gas in the van
- vacuum upstairs
- vacuum the stairs
- write some chores for the girls
- prepare food for kids & nonny
- dust nursery
- finish packing
- print hospital directions for everyone

Last night before I went to bed, I didn't think I'd be able to sleep because my anxiety was actually like crawling up out of my throat to bark at me. I just want everyone to feel relaxed & taken care of and thus - I will feel relaxed & taken care of. For the past few nights I've been waking up sweating thinking "NEW BATTERIES IN THE VIDEO CAMERA!" or "BE SURE TO TELL NONNY ABOUT HOW ELIAS NEEDS TO HAVE HIS LOVEY & PUPPUP KISS EACH OTHER BEFORE BED!" hahahahaha, I'm not even kidding.

But then I woke up this morning and I just felt all that slip away.
Elias woke up at 7:30 and came to cuddle with me, Glory is still passed out at 8:15. Nick just said, "I guess I should get up" and I felt no need to give him a task or start him on a chore. Instead I said, "you can do whatever you want to do!" and I meant it!

If the bathroom mirror gets wiped down, great.
If I get time to make ten peanutbutterjelly sandwiches - awesome.
If not, I will make sure that at the end of today my kids feel ridiculously loved & ready for a little brother, my husband feels excited and rested, and my heart feels really ready to meet a new son.
it's preparation day.

family pool day

c-section playlist final

Thanks for all your suggestions, I took some - dropped some, modified some.
If you want to feel like you're with us, download them & listen to them in this order at 1pm pacific time on the 27th. Just kidding, that would be weird.

Adele - make you feel my love
Need to Breathe - more time
Coldplay - fix you
Sigur Ros - Hoppipolla
Mute Math - reset
Hillsong - fire fall down
Coldplay - strawberry swing
Glen Hansard - when you're minds made up
falls lost - (not sure what it's called, we have it labeled as track 4)
Coldplay - sparks
Need to Breathe - washed by the water
John Mayer - i don't trust myself
MuteMath - my glorious
Sufjan Stevens - all the trees of the field
Balmorhea - san solomon

busy heart

Sorry for the blog silence lately, I have a little bit of a busy heart. Lots to think about, pray about, process, and prepare for. We're still praying for Kal and Shawn and sweet Pearce, trying to support them the best we can, we're still preparing for our boy coming next week, Nick is still busy planting a church, and we're still trying to love on and protect these two sweet munchkins here. Oh, and run a ministry. I have lots I'm thinking and writing, but it all feels a little too big to be anything but private.

Lately, in true toddler form, Elias has been having some little meltdowns. He knows a lot is going on, he knows his mama & daddy are not quite themselves and sometimes it's all too much for him to handle. The other day he walked into our bedroom perfectly happy looking, then threw his cars on the floor and just sat down to weep. I wanted to join him.

The blessings feel like too much to express, too much to be thankful for. The hard stuff feels to hard to think about. The 38 week pregnancy hormones cannot be helping, either. But Christ is real and alive and He is moving in hearts and in our worlds. Praying with my accountability group today, I was just reminded of what that life feels like when it hits your heart - hopeful and accommodating and pure. So while my heart is busy, it's expectant - looking for evidences of grace and glory all around.

three years

I got pregnant with Elias on May 18th, 2006.

I'm writing this post a few weeks early, just because I'm thinking about that day - thinking about the past three years. How they've been filled with joy and excitement, pain and irritation, expectations met and those that have fallen really short.

I'm also writing this blog a few weeks early because tonight I found the video my sweet stepdad filmed while my mom, my sister, and I took the pregnancy test(s) that let me know I was gonna be a mama. I'm so glad I watched it - oooh, I just laughed and cried looking at us. Me, repeatedly calling Elias "Joaquin" - since I was sure that was going to be his name. My sister, definitely crying more than I was. Telling Nick over and over again as I called him to tell him the news, "our lives are changed forever! our lives are changed forever!". So many things struck me about that video - but one thing that I didn't expect to feel was really
thankful for the changes I see in myself.

When I think back to May-2006-Jessi, I know for sure that she is immature and not really all that wise (not that may-2009-jessi is, either), but I always kind of think of her in this fairytale sort of light. Oh, she was skinny. She had time to do her hair and always had her nails done, roots covered. She may not have the patience or servanthood of someone who cleans up after two other people's poops all day, but surely she had some insightful things to say - since she seemingly had the time to form coherent sentences and complete thoughts. And of course - you'd expect her to be much more pleasant without all the contractions and back pain and constant itching and distracted attention to two little other ones.

But I was amazed to find - I really didn't want to be her anymore.

Sure, her stomach was a little flatter and that cute green dress fit her much better - but she looked just a tad self obsessed, watching herself in the mirror as much as she watched the pink lines forming on the stick. Her voice was a little more stable and certainly more well-rested sounding, but her words were focused on the girl in the mirror & no one else. For the first time in a long time - I just didn't want to be her.

It's been three years. Twenty six of these past thirty six months have been
filled with pregnancy - I've been sharing my skin with someone else for
72% of the last three years, and I am so thankful for where that has left me.

Thank you Jesus for every stretch mark, every contraction, both c-section scars, the roots, the sleeplessness, the weariness, the selfishness glaring back at me from the mirror every morning that makes me reevaluate every little detail of my heart.

Thank you for the headaches and the tears, the cuddles in the middle of the night, the toddler puke stains on my carpet, and the snot left on the shoulder of my favorite sweater.

Thank you for all the glamorous expectations I had that just never came to fruition. Thank you, instead, for the beautiful reality that replaced my warped and painful sense of self.

In the past three years, I don't think I've become anything to brag about - but I do know I've slowly started to become a mama - and for that,
I am more grateful than words can describe.

please pray for the stinsons.

psalm 46:
God is our refuge & strength,
a very present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,
though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam,
though the mountains tremble at its swelling.

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy habitation of the Most High.
God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved.
God will help her when morning dawns.

The nations rage, the kingdoms totter;
he utters his voice, the earth melts.
The Lord of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.

Come, behold the works of the Lord,
how he has brought desolations on the earth.
He makes wars cease to the end of the earth,
he breaks the bow & shatters the spears;
he burns the chariots with fire.

Be still & know that I am God.
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!
The Lord of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.

glorygirl update

Thanks so much for your prayers today! Glory did really, really well!

She couldn't have food past dinner last night and she refused her pedialyte this morning, so by 1pm (her surgery time), she was honestly begging to be put to sleep!

Kalle had come with me to the hospital to help distract me because we were the surgery would take about an hour, then she'd take awhile to wake up from anesthesia. Instead, of course, our Gloriana wanted nothing to do with sleeping by the time Kal and I grabbed a quick lunch - she was up and ready for visitors!
(by ready for visitors I mean really miserable and scared which made her mama sad and scared)

Recovery was not so fun for Glory, but soon she took a little morphine nap and when she woke up - Daddy and Elias were there to visit! A few goldfish crackers later and the nurse said she was all ready to go home!

She looks banged up, but as you can clearly see in this video - by the time she got back to our house she was ready to dance & sing to Coldplay. She's sleeping sweetly in her crib now, off her scary eye, and we're hoping tomorrow she isn't toooo swollen.

Either way, we'll be laying low with ice packs, tylenol, & probably a little bit of coldplay dancing.
God is good.

prayer please

Hello, blogger friends.

Would you pray for our Gloriana today?
She is having a really minor surgery on a most-likely benign cyst on her eye -
and while it's minor, it's still surgery & it's still our baby girl.

I'm sure I'll be updating twitter with little progress reports on her,
so feel free to check in there! (on the left side of the blog or here)
Hopefully we'll be home by tonight and reunited with the family!

Thanks ya'll!
jess

some important things, some not so important things

Important thing #1: Today is my mama's birthday. Who knew you could have 5.75 grandkids by the time you turn 30?! Her. That's who. My Dearest Nonny - this summer I would like to celebrate your birthday & mother's day by doing the following: spending a long Friday at the beach/park/playground with you and your favorite connolly kiddos. Put them to bed, leave the monitor with Nicholas, put on our bathing suits (and coverups) and grab some wine, and sit by the pool with some hummus and pita chips. Ahhhhhh. I can't wait.

Not so important thing #2: Elias has a strange habit of only watching one movie for weeks at a time during his rest time. For a while it was Cars, then WallE, on to "trains" - the worst Thomas the Train movie ever made, Shrek, The Incredibles, and now.... Happy Feet. We're about four days in and I'm utterly sick of it. I really thought this was going to be a good choice but it's annoying already.

Important thing #2: had Tres measured today by ultrasound and I'm not even going to try & make it sound funny, I'll just give you the facts straight - the boy is massive.
I'm 36 weeks & one day pregnant.
His head measured 40 weeks and 4 days.
His abdomen 40 weeks and 1 day.
His legs, 37 weeks and 4 days.
He's about seven pounds with two weeks to go.

Not so important thing #2:
BIGGEST LOSER SEASON FINALE TONIGHT! Honestly, I'm kind of hoping someone who went home from the ranch blows them all out of the water. If it's Mike though - I'm gonna be mad. That whole "godfather" nonsense him & his dad pulled is just nutso.
Katie, please don't call me & tell me who won:)
REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW YORK REUNION, TAKE #1 TONIGHT!
You can call it raunchy tv, you can call me a bad person for watching it, just don't call me while it's on. I'll be busy. and while we're at it....
REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW JERSERY SEASON PREMIERE TONIGHT!
I won't still be awake at 11pm, but maybe tomorrow night I'll watch it on dvr.

Important thing #3: my girl is having some minor surgery tomorrow. I have a post already coming out about it tomorrow, but this is just a heads up. Pray for us if you think about it & check tomorrow for more updates.

Not so important thing #3: Since I'm a mega-planner, I get ready for big things by weird markers. Such as: "only one more bath night till Leigh & Gray are here! (for the kids, that is)" or "twelve more meals till my prenatal massage!" and here is the one I'm fixated on for the day:
Tonight is my last hair-dye before my sweet second boy is here! I had to meticulously plan the date for this touch-up because end of pregnancy hormones make my roots jet-black, but tonight is the night. This is the hair I will meet my boy with. I just cannot wait to hold his sweet self. I can't wait to introduce him to his brother & sister. Agh!!!!

ok. that's all for now.

weekend update

Thursday & Friday: busy, busy, busy. Lots of packing, organizing, nesting, cleaning, contractions, & some more organizing.

Friday night brought a sweet reward for all our work, as New Beginnings threw a small shower for me & Tres. I invited just a few close lady friends because it still feels a little wrong to want gifts for our THIRD in THREE years. We've been way too blessed as it is. However, I'm glad we let we them shower us, because we got some sweet things.

Our first ever AMAZING pack-n-play.

How we made it through 2 kids and 2.5 years and lots of trips without our own pack-n-play, I'm not totally sure! But this one is super deluxe, thank you New Beginnings!

The uber-talented Marilee painted us a BEAUTIFUL painting for our new nursery that perfectly matches our crib bedding!

That is ours & you cannot have it! However, if you want Mare to paint something - I'm helping her set up a website to see her art, so check back for that soon!

Some other sweet gifts -
celtics themed shorts for our rowdy boy from Kalle, Kel, & Miss Leta

And some awesome boy baby legs from Christy!

All that said - my amazing friends blessed our boy TOO much.
Thank you, ladies!

The rest of the weekend was filled with a nice balance of organization & Tres-preparation AND relaxation. Nicholas let me sleep in on Saturday and made me a DELICIOUS breakfast. All in all, my husband and kids made me feel BLESSED and peaceful.



Sunday was church & family time. Sunday night is dedicated to blog-writing for the week.
How was YOUR weekend?

mother's day thoughts

I've written like six blog about mother's day & I haven't finished a one.
They're all too long, too sappy, or I'm too tired to describe what it is I want to say.

This will have to do.

It's 4:40pm on Mother's Day - my third ever and favorite so far.
My kids are actually becoming slowly unhinged and crazier by the second. Glory has been growling at Elias, who has been shrieking at me. They are both going nutso, but they are both so beautiful and amazing. I feel beyond blessed to be a mom today.

I also feel beyond blessed to have the mom I have today. I've learned about a zillion lessons from her. Today I can't be with her to pamper and bless her - but if I could, I'd wait on her hand & foot (until my contractions took over and I had to sit down). She has taught me a ton about pointing your children to Christ, serving until you are literally racked with exhaustion, and giving of yourself till it hurts. On my really selfish days, I want a thank you card for each meal I make - or each load of laundry I do, and I think back to however many years she served my sisters and I without thinking or asking or every hearing any sort of thanks. Thank you so much - you AMAZING woman. Thank you.

I can't think about mother's day without thinking about the friends of mine who are amazing moms. I learn so much from each of them and they spur me on to be more while blessing me with the freedom to relax in who I am, right now.

And in all truth, I can't write a mother's day blog without mentioning my amazing husband. Since Friday night he's declared it "mother's day weekend" and has premeditated my every want and need. The crazy part is - he does this most days. He makes me want to know Jesus better to be able to love these babies better and in all honesty, he has never made me feel like anything other than the very best mom in the whole world.

So, in short -

I love being a mom. That is the greatest gift anyone could ever give me.
I love my mom. She was the perfect one for me to have.
I love my family. I pray that they understand the love of their Father more each day thru their mother.

It's been a great three years.

a birthday gift

Seriously, May is the MONTH to be born! Off the top of my head -
My sweet stepdad, Gibson's birthday is this month.
My mom's.
My nephew Abel's.
Lauren Tate's.
Leigh Ladd's.
Tres' birthday will be this month.

But today, is Miss Lauren Hogan's 25th birthday.

There are lots of things I'd like to give her:
Since she's living in Charlotte now, I could meet her at East Blvd. Starbucks for a coffee, then we could go to Cantina for lunch or maybe just grab a sandwich at Laurel Market. I would definitely give her some of those bottom of the feet detox pads since I know she's always been curious and and I'd also love to give her - oh, say, a million dollars.

None of those things am I able to do this morning - but I do love & miss her and want her to feel appreciated so, I will give her this - a picture of my massively oversized 35.5 week pregnant belly. Just for giggles.


Don't adjust your screen Lauren - that whole gift is just for you. I know Tres will love you just as much as our other kids do. We miss you, lady.

jess

HAPPY BIRTHDAY POPPY!

We are VERY sorry we're a day late! We thought about you all day yesterday and the dumb time difference messed up our chance to call! We love you!

suggestions, please.

I'm a planner, this fact is unavoidable.
(Interesting blog on that later this week)

So, as much as I'd love to be able to complete my lifelong goal of pushing a baby out naturally, my babes come via c-section & in all honestly, that is a planner's dream. (Or a planner's husband's nightmare) I get to plan literally every detail weeks or months in advance - inane, dumb things and big, important things. I get to write my "baby introduction" blog with the date already written. I have the advantage of packing my bag at the exact right time, and I even get to plan my kid's meals while I'm in the hospital.

Thankfully, while I'm a psycho-planner - I'm also semi ok going with the flow. I know you probably don't believe me, but it's true. The truth is, I just hate stress - so if something I hyper planned isn't going the way I planned it, I am totally fine just mixing it up to avoid stress. Example: this past weekend I spent about three hours making fondant for Kalle's shower, but when I couldn't get it on the cookies in the perfect way, I gave up and threw it away left it in Kelly's fridge, sorry Kel. This also annoyed the poop out of Kalle.

So one dumb thing I get to plan is what kind of music Nick and I listen to during our c-section. And trust me, you NEED to listen to music during that thing. The first twenty minutes is all funky noises that have everything to do with my guts and nothing to do with a baby. My past two babies & their adjoining c-sections have had VERY redolent musical memories. I can't hear Glen Hansard singing the words "raise your hopeful voice" without thinking about Glory's first cry & I love that "fix you" by Coldplay is one of Nick's favorite songs because we were listening to it as Elias graced us with his presence.

So, what should Tres be born to? I'm open to all suggestions.

The best part of being a planner who changes plans in the moment:
If you suggest things that make me cringe while
I'm being cut open, I'll quickly tell Nick "next".

for your viewing pleasure

Quick prefaces:

- Elias & Glory have been passyfree for a week! Praise God! Apparently, without their passy addictions being fed, they've taken up new vices. Elias' is - you guessed it, coffee. Here is he is with a starbucks ornament, faithfully sipping.


- This one is Gloriana saying her new favorite phrase "Alright!" The kids say it all the time, as soon as we reach a destination in the car, when we give them treats after dinner, or just whenever they plain feel like it. Hearing Glor say it is the best though, since she has a little trouble with her r's. Love that Glor.

projecting

I think if we're honest, all moms tend to project at least a little bit on their kids. 

Either, "I've got a soccer player in here!"

Or, "I really honestly think he'll be interested in science -

 you should see the way he stares at his space system crib mobile!"

Heck, I've already decided both of my kids favorite colors. (Orange & Purple, respectively) 

So I've projected on both my kids in utero and on both accounts, I've been totally wrong. 

Elias: When Ebug was in my belly and even his first few weeks out, I was positive that he was a studious, serious, bookworm. He just had this old man face & wise ol' eyes. Look at this face - you think he could write a dissertation for a fun afternoon. 

Now while he is smart, he's much more wily than anything else. He's got a sense of humor like no other, he likes to be a goofball, & books are just now starting to interest him. For like a second. This is much more typical E: 

Now, for my Glorygirl - since I had one cuddly, sweetheart... I pictured a girly version of Elias - just really feminine. I thought she'd want to just cuddle and paint nails all day. Imagine my surprise to find that while she does have a strong desire to wear beads to church, a fun afternoon consists of ripping the pages out of books rather than pedicures. 

Homegirl can hold her own in cagefight, & she is definitely more feisty than flirty. 

MUCH to her Daddy's liking. 

Here's a typical Glor in action: 

But while I still can, I'm going to do some Tres projecting. 

(Oops, I almost just said his name. I can't wait to tell everyone!) 

So, here's my prediction. I think he'll be something like this: 

Yeah, I said it. I think he's going to be a big baby Vince Vaughn coming out of my womb. I told Nick today every time I picture him, I picture Vince Vaughn getting handed to me with waxy vernix on his face & giving me a good nuggie on the head. I think he has the body of my Papa Powell - with octopus length arms & legs and strong desire to make everyone laugh. Dark skin & hair and a little bit of a practical jokester. 

So, I suppose we'll see. 

The truth is - he'll probably be another Nick-Connolly-clone, but 

I've got 23 days to project falsely. 

may baby

After a productive doctor's visit today, Nick and I got some news sweet to our ears.
We're having a baby in MAY. This MAY. Not June, May.
Not tonight or tomorrow, probably not next week.
But, when I look at the calendar, I don't have to switch months to see Tres' due date.
Definitely in May. The 27th most likely. 5.27.09

So here's the plan.

• I'm going to keep my bathroom clean, just in case.
• Make some plans for the kiddos & wash all of Tres' clothes.
• Work on some birth announcements - which Nick and I have decided will be more like family announcements, because when you have three kids in 2.5 years, you don't send out three. This is our first.
• Start taking large doses of folic acid again since I would still really love for him to be over 10 pounds.
  
• Cuddle my sweet two bebes day & night.
  
• Cuddle with my sweet husband day & night.
• Try hard to sleep at night.
• get VERY excited.

VERY, VERY excited.